Written in the Stars
by Montana-Rosalie
Summary: Princess Emma meets blacksmith Killian. The path to true love is winding and full or thorns.
1. Hideaway

**Hello everybody! As you can see, I'm back, and I come bearing another long fic. I apologize for a longer delay than usual, but I've been quite busy with my job and driving school, but I'm happy to share another Captain Swan story with you. Thank you for all the reviews you've left since I finished TYB, and I hope you're going to like this one too! I won't tell you much about it except that it starts out as princess Emma meeting blacksmith Killian, and there's a lot of angst before they reach their happy ending. Thank for stopping by to read, and enjoy!**

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Princess Emma is on the run.

Well...

Princess Emma didn't really run off from her castle and her parents never to return again; she had just wanted a quiet moment for herself, and those don't come easily when you're the daughter of King David and Queen Snow White, especially not when there's a ball that will be held in your honour just a few short months away.

Hence her being on the run from a search party that's undoubtedly been sent after her.

Emma doesn't mind being a princess all that much and she loves her parents to death, but if she could pick a family to have been born into, the royal one wouldn't be her first choice; she's most content when she's strolling through the woods near her parents' castle or walking the beach next to it, and these days it seems that there's always some kind of lesson of propriety or foreign language she's supposed to attend.

Everything used to be so easy when she was little, when her nursery was her entire world and when spending time with her parents was always insanely fun.

Emma sighs and lifts the skirts of the simple gray dress she'd stolen from one of her maids' closet, heading into the village with her head hunched between her shoulders because even though it's highly unlikely somebody is going to recognize her, she doesn't want to risk it.

She'd like to be free for a while longer, if it's at all possible.

The sound of horse hooves startles her and she ducks into the first doorway she encounters, stepping backwards into a hot, dark cavern of a room just as her father's guards thunder by.

It seems they've realized quickly that she hadn't gone neither to the forest nor to the beach.

Emma turns around and walks deeper into her temporary sanctuary, discovering that it's actually a blacksmith's shop; there's a dozen or so tools lying on a table off to the side, lined in neat rows, a low fire burning across from her and two brand new swords gleaming on another table that's covered with fine green fabric.

The swords are exquisite and her fingers itch to touch them, but a noise behind her startles her and she whirls back toward the entrance of the shop, fully expecting one of the guards walking in and demanding to escort her back to the castle.

The man coming inside carries himself like a soldier, but he's wearing commoner's clothes and judging by the way he tilts his head to avoid hitting his forehead on the low doorway, he'd been here many times before.

Apparently, she's about to meet the blacksmith this shop belongs to.

"I'm hiding", Emma says before he even notices her, his gaze focused on the swords on the table, and he looks up sharply, but doesn't seem all that alarmed at her presence. "I'm not here to steal or anything like that."

The room is dimly lit, but his eyes are so deeply blue she can see them shining like the brightest summer sky even from across the room.

His gaze finds hers and they stand there looking at each other for the longest few seconds of Emma's life; it seems like the entire world is holding its breath just like she is, even though she doesn't even know what's she waiting for.

"The village is teeming with King's guards", he speaks in a soft, accented voice that wraps around her like a comforting blanket and makes her wish she could keep hiding here forever. "What did you do that they're after you, lass?"

"Nothing", Emma says quickly and takes a step toward him as if drawn by a magnet before she even realizes what she's doing.

"Won't take them long to search the streets, and then they are going to start knocking on doors", he tells her and reaches for a leather apron hanging from the wall and she watches with no small amount of astonishment as he puts it on one-handed because there's only a leather brace peeking out from his left sleeve.

"You're the one-handed blacksmith!" She exclaims rather rudely, her eyes widening when he pauses on his way to the table with the tools she'd seen earlier.

"Aye, that I am", he says, and he seems completely unaffected with the title the villagers have awarded him. "You've heard of me, so you must be from around here, but I've never seen you before."

Emma knows she's blushing fiercely red but she ignores her burning cheeks and apologizes for the way she'd addressed him.

"No need to apologize, darling. I am a blacksmith, and I am one-handed, so the title is nothing but accurate", he says and gives her a quick half-smile that makes her both melancholic and strangely content.

"Quite impressive too, I should think", she tells him and comes closer, her inherent curiosity getting the best of her because it seems he's not going to object to her presence in his shop after all.

"It is a challenge", he admits noncommittally and when their eyes meet again she feels like her entire being is humming with strange but elating excitement.

"How do you do it, then?" She asks him, forgetting about the search party and watching him take a metal hook from the table, his thumb smoothing over its surface before he clicks the end of it into his brace.

"Most ungracefully", he tells her with an enthusiastic wiggling of his eyebrows and Emma smiles, marvelling at the fact that she feels so at ease with him.

A shadow crosses her face when she realizes it's only because he doesn't know who she really is, doesn't know she's going to be a Queen one day, and therefore isn't intimidated by her in the least.

But then again, she gets the feeling that there's not much that could intimidate him.

"It's going to get very hot in here in a few minutes", he says but doesn't even attempt to convince her to leave, much less physically throw her out like most people would do because even though her father is a benevolent King, his guards are still treated with the utmost respect.

She wonders where does his rebellious streak comes from.

"I don't mind the warmth", Emma assures him and stands to the side so she's out of his way, but still close enough to see what he's doing.

"You're a stubborn one, aren't you, love?" He asks and looks at her over his shoulder briefly before he goes back to stroking the fire, his movements sure and measured as if he'd done it a million times before; he can't be much older than her, but there's something in the set of his shoulders that makes her think he'd seen a lot and lived through even more.

"You can call me Swan", she says abruptly, stunned with herself because she knows that chances are she's never going to see him again after today and he could just keep addressing her with those little terms of endearment that sound so pleasant when spoken in his lilting accent.

"They are going to catch you if you stay here, Swan", he tells her, and she can hear regret in his voice quite clearly, wondering again what had happened to him to warrant such apparent disregard for authority.

"Maybe so", she says and stays exactly where she is until he shrugs and leans against the wall across from her while he waits for the fire to grow hot enough.

"You're not afraid?" He asks her and she raises her head high, proudly meeting his quizzical gaze.

"I didn't do anything wrong", she answers and he tips his head to the side, his eyes searching hers in a most unnerving way that makes her feel like he could learn all her secrets without even trying too hard.

Except maybe her greatest one.

"But that won't matter when they capture you; they will take you where you do not wish to go all the same", he murmurs and takes a sword he must've been working on from a bucket of water and shoves it into the fireplace in one fluid motion that annuls his earlier comment about the less than graceful way he's making swords.

"What is your name?" Emma asks because she doesn't want to call him the one-handed blacksmith, not even in her head; it seems degrading somehow, even if it is the brutal truth.

"Killian Jones", he says curtly and even gives her a quick bow, his blue eyes twinkling with sudden humour. "At your service, my lady."

Emma has to suppress a giggle because he doesn't even know how much of a lady she really is. He turns to the side and slips his hand into a heavy glove, using his hook in a hole at the side of it to pull it all the way up to his elbow.

"You haven't always been a blacksmith", she says confidently, carefully watching his face, satisfied when a muscle in his jaw jumps just enough to let her know she had guessed correctly.

"No, I was not", he says and even though his voice is as firm as every time he spoke before, she senses an underlying layer of sadness; when he focuses his gaze on the sword in the fire, she watches his profile with a strange tightening in her chest and mentally kicks herself for being so untactful.

"Princess Emma must be hiding somewhere in the village!" One of the guards calls to the others from outside Emma's little haven and Killian's eyes widen almost comically before he recovers and pulls the sword out of the fire to set it on an anvil none too gently.

"Princess Emma?!" He exclaims and gets rid of both the hook and the glove before stalking to where she's standing frozen, exposed and unmasked with only a few ill-placed words.

"I just wanted to breathe for a little while", she nearly yells, her voice high-pitched because she had been enjoying herself and she doesn't want to go back to the castle.

Her heart squeezes painfully because she knows everything has changed and now he's going to stop treating her like she's just a regular girl.

"I should have known", he mutters to himself and pauses in front of her, his eyes carefully assessing her person, taking in her muddy dress, tangled hair and scratched arms.

"I'm glad you didn't", she says boldly and he takes a calming breath; he looks so serious and quite a lot cross with her, and even though she shouldn't care about what he thinks about her and the way she'd deceived him, she does.

"What was so dreadful in the castle that you had to run all the way here?"

"I just couldn't stand them anymore", she tells him and his mouth lifts at the corner for such a fleeting moment she's almost certain she had just imagined it.

"The tutors?"

"I want to have fun once in a while, and lately, there was no chance of doing that", she tells him and then there's definitely a smile pulling at his lips.

"I understand", he says and she suddenly realizes that they are standing quite close, and she feels like her skin is about to ignite.

But, of course, that's because of the fire burning next to them.

"You do?"

"Indeed. But that doesn't change the fact that your father is going to take my only hand if they find you in here with me", he tells her with an amused smirk, showing both a sense of humour and no small amount of bravery, but she still can't help shudder at the prospect.

"I am sorry, Killian. I didn't think this through", she says meekly and puts her hand on his forearm, both of them jumping a little at the contact; his flesh feels wiry and powerful beneath her fingers and what on Earth is she still doing here?

"It's alright, your Highness", he tells her and takes her hand from his arm, bowing over it without kissing her knuckles like a gentleman should; after all, she's to be Queen someday and he's just a blacksmith with surprisingly good manners.

Her skin is tingling anyway and she wishes she could keep feeling the imprint of his fingers on her hand for as long as possible.

"I shall go now", she tells him with a heavy heart and he nods silently, releasing her hand and stepping aside to clear the way to the entrance to his shop for her.

"Maybe we'll meet again someday, Swan", he says when she's already almost outside, and Emma feels so hot and confused she's not entirely sure she'd heard him correctly, but she finds that she would very much like that to happen.

"Goodbye, Killian", she says and glances at him one last time before she walks out into the bright sunshine, quickly going around the shop to make sure that when the guards find her she's nowhere near her gentlemanly blacksmith.

A few minutes later she's discovered and doesn't even attempt to run, just calmly mounts one of the spare horses they hold steady for her and rides back to the castle surrounded with her father's guards on all sides, lest she tries to escape once more.

It's silly, but Emma is infinitely pleased to discover that her hand is still pleasantly tingly where Killian's fingers had touched it when her mother's arms receive her in the courtyard of the castle half an hour later.

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**Review?**


	2. Fate or Chance

**I have to thank all of you who already followed this story; all those e-mail notifications made me smile so much because it's nice to know you still believe in me and my stories, even more so because it's been quite some time since TYB. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy Emma and Killian getting to know each other, and come back for chapter three on Tuesday.**

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Over the next few days Emma tries to be the best daughter she can be because even though this wasn't the first time she'd run away, she'd been gone the longest, and her mother was beyond worried. Her father seemed torn between amusement and anger, but it had more to do with his wife's state than worry over Emma's well being.

It seems to Emma that the King is the only person who thinks she can take care of herself, and she loves him more than anything for that.

Still, after her little excursion, everyday life in the castle seems dull and incredibly constricting, and Emma finds her thoughts racing toward the blacksmith's shop she'd hid in more often than they should, making her distracted and in turn annoying her tutors.

Killian's blue eyes are haunting her and she entertains herself with making elaborate plans of escape so she can visit him again, knowing all along she won't go through with them; she's a princess, and someday she's going to marry a prince form some distant kingdom whether she likes it or not, even though her parents are always telling her that she's going to find her true love someday just like they did.

They've been more or less free to pick whomever they wanted to, and she's limited by her position and the number of eligible bachelors that's diminishing quickly.

Emma lies in her big canopy bed and stares at the night sky outside her window thinking about the ball that's going to take place at the end of fall, a ball that has just one purpose; to help her find that elusive true love, or, at least the man who's going to become her husband.

She shudders at the thought of dancing with a dozen princes and having to pick one at the end of the night because she absolutely doesn't believe in love at first sight.

Charming and Snow mean well, but they've fallen in love on an adventure and she often wishes she was a bandit the way her mother used to be, because then it wouldn't matter who her true love turned out to be.

Even if he turned out to be just a blacksmith.

Emma squeezes her eyes shut and tells herself she doesn't believe in love at first sight, she tells herself that future Queens don't have the luxury of marrying for love anyway, but no matter what she does she just can't fall asleep.

It must be around one when she gives up entirely and puts a light blue cloak on over her nightgown, laces her boots on and slips a dagger into the right one in case she runs into trouble.

Sneaking out of the castle in the middle of the night isn't very complicated, but there are still guards she has to avoid and squeaky doors she must open and close with the utmost care before she's free to run through the gardens and make her way to the beach.

The sea air fills her nose as soon as she steps out from the little copse of trees and the memory of her hand in Killian's assaults her with sudden, overpowering intensity.

He had smelled like the sea and she didn't even notice, but now she remembers, and for a moment she closes her eyes and lets herself behave like a silly princess the way she hadn't for quite some time.

The way she hadn't since Walsh.

"You just like him because he didn't treat you the way everybody else does", she mutters to herself and opens her eyes, then kicks at the sand with her boot, determinedly walking to the edge of the water and staring out at the dark horizon.

It's not the first time she'd come here, but she'd never felt as lonely as she does now.

Something at the corner of her eyes catches her attention and Emma whirls around, her dagger already in her hand, her eyes widening when she sees Killian coming toward her from further down the beach. He's wearing dark brown pants and a loose white shirt underneath a gray vest and he doesn't look like a blacksmith at all; he looks better than most princes she knows, despite all their flashy, expensive clothes.

"Good evening, your Highness", he says amiably, an amused smile on his lips when he holds up his hand because she's still holding the dagger aimed toward him.

"Where did you come from?" She asks him and returns the dagger to her boot, her cheeks burning with embarrassment; even though she'd daydreamed about him, Emma never really thought she'd see him again.

"I apologize for startling you. There's usually nobody here at this hour", he tells her, his expression turning serious when he notices her nightgown peeking out from the folds of her cloak. "I would offer to leave, but I don't like the idea of leaving you here alone."

"I can take care of myself", Emma tells him and raises her chin defiantly, unable to keep a blush from creeping up her cheeks when his eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles and tilts her head to the side, just looking at her for a long moment before speaking.

"I trust that you can", he says softly and Emma can't help gaping at him in surprise. "You just looked lonely."

His eyes soften and she shakes her head, looking away and turning so she's facing the sea again.

"I'm never alone in the castle", she says and feels him turn too, but instead of studying the calm water, his eyes are still on her face.

"It doesn't mean you can't be lonely", he tells her and stuns her with his perceptiveness once more.

"You're lonely too", she says and sways a little bit closer to him, her body seeking his warmth all on its own.

Emma isn't entirely sure that she's not still in her bed, dreaming Killian up on this moonlit beach, fashioning a fairy-tale where there's no for one.

"What makes you think I'm lonely too?" He asks her in a tone of voice that makes it clear she's surprising him too.

"You wouldn't be here in the middle of the night if you weren't", she says and turns her head to find him looking up at the starry sky, standing tall with his hand clasping the opposite forearm behind his back.

"I couldn't sleep", he tells her and looks at her with a private smile because he knows the same is true for her.

"We're both here, so we might as well take a walk together", she says, making a conscious effort not to sound too eager.

He seems to have forgotten she's a princess and she hopes it will last for a while longer.

"As you wish, my lady", he says and holds out his elbow in a perfectly gallant move he tries to take back when he realizes he's not only offering his arm to a princess, but it's also his left one, the one that doesn't have a hand at the end of it. "Apologies, I-"

Emma slips her arm through his and rests her hand on his forearm, his expressive eyes searching hers in confusion and just a little bit of uncertainty.

"You haven't always been a blacksmith", she says by way of explanation and takes a determined step forward.

"I am a blacksmith now", he says but follows her lead, his arm stiff, every muscle coiled underneath his soft shirt.

"My mother used to be a bandit before she married my father", Emma tells him and bites her tongue because she shouldn't be this direct, she shouldn't be strolling along the beach with him, she shouldn't even be here.

But she is, and she'd never felt more alive.

She'd never felt less lonely.

"But before that she was a princess", Killian says softly and she feels a pang of uncertainty because even though he seems genuine, she'd been fooled before by a pair of honest eyes that turned out to be liars.

But unlike Walsh, Killian had no way of knowing she'd be here, and she was the one who walked into his shop a few days ago, either fate or chance making them cross paths.

"Is your kingdom very far from here?" Emma asks him the question that's been burning in her mind since she had left him, smiling at his stunned expression.

"My kingdom?" He asks faintly and she nods encouragingly, but he doesn't answer her until she explains.

"You're not from here. I remember when you opened your shop and the whole castle was abuzz with the talk about a new blacksmith in the village who makes the best and most beautiful swords despite...", she trails off, then realizes that not saying it is somehow as bad as saying it, so she finishes the sentence after all. "Despite being one-handed."

"I hadn't realized that my arrival would cause even princesses to gossip", he says and she turns her head toward him sharply to find him grinning at her.

He's about ten times more beautiful when he smiles like that, carefree and relaxed, gently teasing her the way no other man ever did in fear of the possible consequences.

After all, she's the daughter of a king, and everybody knows her father loves her so much he'd throw just about anybody in jail if they only looked at her in the wrong way.

"You still haven't answered my question", she recovers quickly and nudges him a little with her shoulder, feeling playful and so light on her feet as they walk along the waterline underneath the starry sky.

This must be a dream and she's going to wake up in her bed soon enough, so why not just enjoy it while it lasts?

"The kingdom I used to belong to is a week away by sea and a month away if you're foolish enough to cross the distance on a horse", he says and there's a layer of bitterness he can't quite hide in his voice that stops her from asking why doesn't he belong to it anymore.

"Have you seen many wondrous things on the way here?"

"A few", he says noncommittally and they are quiet for a while, just putting one leg in front of the other in perfect sync.

"I've never been beyond the village", she says and bites her lip because she didn't mean to sound so whiny.

"I would think you'd have travelled far for various balls and celebrations", he says, and there's gentle encouragement in his voice that prevents her from closing up.

"My mother is incredibly overprotective. I guess it's understandable since my parents almost lost me when I was a baby, but sometimes I wish my father didn't always let her dictate everything", Emma says and it feels good to let it out like this; the rational part of her is appalled because he's a stranger and she shouldn't be gossiping about the King and Queen, especially because they are her parents, but somehow she feels she can trust him.

There was always something fishy about Walsh, but she had chosen to ignore it, and even though she doesn't know much about Killian, somehow she's certain that he's a man of honour.

"You're not a baby anymore, Swan", he tells her and it makes her irrationally happy that he'd used the nickname instead of the dreaded "your Highness". "Your mother must realize that sooner or later."

"I don't know how to convince her to let me come with my father when he travels, and it's not from the lack of trying", she says and looks up at Killian's profile, slowing down until they are standing side by side, her arm still threaded through his.

He tips his head toward a big rock next to them and they sit down, facing each other but not touching anymore when he starts telling her about the lands he'd seen. It's all too easy getting lost because his voice was made for stories, for swashbuckling adventures he steers clear of, entertaining her with descriptions of magical lands she wishes she could visit.

"You should go back to the castle", he tells her and she realizes she's half-asleep, her body inches away from leaning against his side, his arm hovering behind her without touching her.

"I should", she says and rubs her eyes, then slowly stands up and turns back to him when he jumps to his feet too. "Thank you."

"It was my pleasure, your Highness", he says and there's distance between them again, not just physical, but emotional too; it feels like he keeps forgetting she's a princess and when he remembers he's angry at himself for being so careless, but at least it seems it's not because he fears repercussions.

It's because he wants to treat her with utmost respect.

"Perhaps you'll tell me how you became a blacksmith if we meet again", she says and he gives her a serious nod before he bows to her, his eyes never leaving hers.

Emma wishes him goodnight and picks up her skirts, briskly walking away and feeling her cheeks burning all the way back to the castle because tonight wasn't a dream and believing that love at first sight exist is suddenly not hard at all.

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	3. Third Time It's a Pattern

**Thank you for reading and extra thanks to those who left feedback... now it's time for a little bit of angst. P.S. Don't worry, there's more of it coming on Thursday, and after that I plan on posting a new chapter each day. Enjoy!**

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For a week after Emma's little midnight adventure the rain doesn't stop falling for a single minute, and in all honesty, she's glad for it because it prevents her from going to the beach to see if Killian will show up there again.

She shouldn't want to see him because all she could ever hope to get from spending time with him would be a broken heart, and she thinks it would be even worse than what happened with Walsh, since it wouldn't be his betrayal separating them, but their class differences.

"Emma! What are you doing?!" Her mother exclaims when she sends another arrow flying well above the target she's aiming to hit and it lodges into a tree behind it. "You were getting so good at this."

"Sorry, sorry", Emma says sheepishly and takes another arrow from the quiver, forcing all thoughts about Killian Jones out of her mind and focusing only on the target in front of her.

His blue eyes won't leave her be.

The arrow hits the target, but it's nowhere near the centre.

Snow lifts her arms in exasperation and takes the bow from Emma's hands, then lies her own on her daughter's shoulder.

"What happened that day you ran away?" She asks and Emma stiffens because she hadn't expected her mother to connect her utter uselessness during her classes with her lonely expedition.

"Nothing happened, Mother. I strolled through the woods and I barely had the chance to make one circle around the village square before father's guards were upon me", Emma says petulantly but she can't quite meet her mother's gentle gaze.

"Are you sure you didn't come across your own Prince Charming in those woods?" Snow asks and Emma blushes fiercely red.

"What would a prince be doing in the woods? There's nobody there but peasants", Emma says firmly and Snow gives her a disapproving look at that, but it's precisely the thing Emma expected, she listens to her mother's lecture about the importance of every single person in the kingdom obediently, glad for the change of subject.

"Since today doesn't seem to be your day, we should abandon the archery and go see how the making of your ball gown is progressing", Snow tells her and leads her from the courtyard by hand as if Emma is still her little girl.

That little girl grew up quite some time ago.

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Emma endures the gown fitting and a few hours of studies after lunch, but as soon as her tutor finishes the lesson and leaves the library Emma climbs out through the window the way she'd been doing for the past fifteen years; the castle is vast and she doesn't have the patience to go all the way around to reach one of the doors leading outside and then have to circle it again to reach the stables.

Killian Jones had been occupying her mind for long enough and she hopes riding will get him out swiftly and efficiently the way it had helped her deal with everything else she was ever struggling with in her life.

Her lips curl into a sarcastic smile because that's something Walsh never could understand, because he firmly believed that being a princess meant you never had a care in the world.

_Killian would understand_, her mind supplies unhelpfully as she stomps into the stables, so she leads her horse out as quickly as she can manage, mounts him and lets him take off as fast as he wants to across the meadow between the castle and the forest.

His name isn't Tornado for nothing.

The air rushes in her ears as they fly closer and closer to the first row of trees, Emma's thick braid bouncing on her shoulders until it unravels itself just as they reach the forest and Tornado finally slows down.

Emma had taken Tornado on this route enough times for him to know where to go, so she lets go of the reins and braids her hair again to prevent it from catching on branches from the trees lining the narrow path they are taking.

"Don't they teach princesses to hold the rains at all times?" A voice queries and she looks up in surprise to find Killian sitting astride a tan, tired-looking horse that must've been beautiful a decade ago.

"Riding the horse has nothing to do with the hands and everything to do with the thighs", she tells him with a teasing smile but still abandons her braid and takes the reins.

"I know", he says and winks at her, and she marvels at the fact that it's so easy for her to forget that he's only got one hand.

For a few moments they sit there looking at each other and Emma forgets everything she'd decided in the past week, throwing caution to the wind now that Killian is here and she's got a chance to spend more time with him.

"Have you ever been to the lake?" She asks him abruptly, and his eyebrows shoot up at her eager tone.

"Lake Nostos?"

"Nooooo, the lake in the forest... it's more of a pond really, but it's rather beautiful. Have you seen it?" She asks, practically bouncing with excitement to show it to him.

"Can't say that I have", he tells her and she just looks at him, willing him to invite himself along. "Is it far?"

"Not far at all, just hidden", she tells him in a mock whisper and he gives her a long assessing look, his eyes uncertain for a moment before he tips his head to the side and waves his left arm toward the trail.

"Lead the way, then, Swan", he says and Emma beams at him despite herself, digs her heels into Tornado's sides and gallops off, not even checking if he's going to follow.

Somehow, she knows he will.

Emma focuses on the narrow trail ahead, but she's still acutely aware of Killian's presence behind her, his horse following hers, their gazes meeting every time she allows herself to turn around.

The lake Emma wants Killian to see is surrounded with trees on all sides so they have to abandon their horses a little while before they reach it, and Killian is off his horse and striding toward hers as soon as she tells him they have to dismount.

He looks up at her expectantly, uncertain what to do; it's quite clear he wants to help her down, but unlike most men in her life, he doesn't simply reach up for her, so Emma slides off on her own and gives him a playful smile as she walks by him, then picks up her skirts and starts following a barely there trail leading toward the lake.

"You seemed quite at home astride your horse", he tells her when he catches up to her and Emma shrugs, holding aside a branch hanging over the trail until he passes so it doesn't hit him in the face.

"I've been riding for almost as long as I can walk", she says and finds him smiling at her, undoubtedly imagining her as a toddler riding a pony.

"Most princesses ride their horses sideways", he says and she rolls her eyes, secretly enjoying his teasing tone.

"How many have you met?" She asks and he hesitates, clearly uncomfortable, but she's had enough with his avoidances. "Can you just answer me for once?"

"I've met a few", he says, and she's about to query about his line of work before he became a blacksmith when the trail widens and they finally reach the lake.

The sky is as blue as the robin's eggs today and so is the lake, and Emma watches Killian's face, forgetting about her questions because she's too busy admiring his beautiful profile.

"Do you like it?" She asks rather unnecessarily, and he turns his head toward her before answering.

"It's lovely", he tells her and his eyes leave no doubt as to the meaning behind his words.

It's not the lake he finds lovely.

Emma does her best not to blush but she has to look away from his blue, blue gaze because he's standing close and she wants him closer still, wants to learn all his secrets and get to know him better than anybody else does.

She's afraid he's going to see that and remember who they are, remember that a blacksmith should not be alone in a forest with a princess, even if it's not the first princess he'd ever met.

"Do you come here often, your Highness?" He asks softly and Emma's lips turn down at the corners because she'd rather have him calling her Swan.

"Not as often as I'd like lately", she tells him and sits down on a fallen log she'd rolled here herself a few years ago, and it pleases her when Killian settles down next to her, close enough that her full skirt rustles against his thigh.

"Why not?" He asks her with genuine interest and Emma feels like exploding because what are they even doing here like this?

"Because my parents are going to hold a ball in my honour at the end of the fall and I'm supposed to be the best version of myself if I hope to pick a husband", she says bitterly and entwines her fingers together so tightly it hurts.

Killian is watching her, and when she looks up he slips his hand between hers so she ends up squeezing it, the world around them getting quiet and insignificant.

"You don't wish to marry, Swan?" He asks her softly and her thoughts are a jumbled mess, her fingers releasing their death grip on his hand and holding it gently, her thumb pressing against the pulse point on his wrist and finding his heart racing as fast as hers.

"Not like that. Not when my choices are limited to a dozen stuck-up princes who don't even want to be there."

"I highly doubt they wouldn't want to be there. You're quite the catch, lass", he tells her and she manages to smile.

"Have you ever been married?" She asks him, glancing down at his bare fingers and wondering if he'd even wear a wedding ring since he doesn't have the hand that's supposed to bear it.

"I haven't", he says gravelly and she tries not to look too relieved.

"But you wish to have a family someday, don't you?" She asks him and for once he doesn't deflect her question.

"I do, but I'm afraid such a thing isn't in the cards for me", he says, such longing in his voice she wants nothing more but to make it disappear.

"Why not?"

"Because I wasn't always a blacksmith", he says cryptically and Emma waits patiently, hoping that maybe this time he'll tell her what he was before; she's certain that his previous profession is the reason he'd lost his hand, and she's well aware of the fact that it can't be easy talking about it.

She would never admit it, but she's holding onto hope that whomever he was before he became a blacksmith, it's somebody who could court her without causing her father to have a heart attack.

"Why not, Killian?" She asks again, deliberately saying his name in hopes of encouraging him to answer her, but regretfully, it's got the opposite effect, making him remember who he is now and all the reasons why it's inappropriate that he'd given her his hand to hold.

"I am sorry, your Highness. I don't know what came over me", he says and slowly pulls his hand from hers, abruptly standing up and grasping his forearm behind his back the way he'd done at the beach.

"I prefer it when you call me Swan", she tells him, her eyes blazing with challenge because she keeps compromising herself and he keeps confusing her with his behaviour.

"We shouldn't be doing this", he says and Emma tips her head back to stare at the sky, trying to compose herself before she stands up and corners him at the edge of the lake; there's a slight drop, so their eyes are level and his are even more beautiful from this close, framed with the thickest, longest eyelashes she'd ever seen on a man.

He looks vulnerable, and her heart flips in her chest.

"What are we doing, Killian? We keep meeting and we seem to enjoy each other's company, but we both know it's never going to lead anywhere."

"I know", he says faintly and makes a sweeping gesture toward the horses. "We should go back."

"We should", she says, but doesn't move an inch. "We should also stop spending time together."

"I'll avoid the forest if you stay away from the beach", he tells her and Emma bites her bottom lip, feeling a petty sort of satisfaction when his eyes flicker to it.

"I'll also steer clear of the village", she adds unnecessary and he chuckles, but it's not a happy sound.

"I'll make sure not to attend any of the balls held in your castle", he tells her and she could weep at the injustice of it all.

"I really do enjoy your company, Killian", she says softly and then turns away from him, already starting to walk away when his fingers close around her wrist and he pulls her back around to face him.

"If it's meant to be, we will meet again, Swan", he tells her and a shiver runs down her spine because the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes make it sound like a promise, the most sacred of vows he'd ever given.

Emma nods and lets him lead her by the hand back to the horses, and once there, she even lets him help her mount Tornado because she doesn't want him to let her go, but as soon as she's in the saddle she finds that she can't deal with this anymore.

If they have to part, she wants it to be quick, if it can't be painless.

"Goodbye, Killian", she says and gallops off, tears blurring her vision as she goes faster and faster until his old horse can't keep up with Tornado anymore and she leaves them both in the dust.

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**Review?**


	4. A Curious Princess

**I'm pleased to inform you that the first draft is finished, so from now on you get one chapter a day the way you're used with my fics. Thank you for all the positive feedback, and enjoy some more angst.**

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Despite the extensive and none too easy job of being the King, Emma's father had never failed to spend a lot of time with her when she was growing up, and even though she doesn't need him as much as she used to, he still gives her his undivided attention whenever he can.

Today they are sparring in the courtyard and Emma thinks she's doing quite well until a blow she hadn't even seen coming disarms her and she's forced to stomp over to pick up her fallen sword.

"That was such a rookie mistake", she mutters and turns back toward him, but Charming sheathes his sword and wraps his arm around her, guiding her toward a bench in the corner where they sit down and she puts her sword carefully over her knees; she's wearing pants that had once upon a time belonged to her mother and she wishes she could keep wearing them instead of all those heavy, constricting dresses that are more fit for a princess she is.

"How about you tell your old dad what's bothering you", Charming says and Emma shrugs, tracing the intricate pattern near the hilt of her sword with her finger.

"It's nothing", she says stubbornly and rests her head on her father's shoulder, waiting for him to ask her more questions because she wants him to coax everything out of her.

"Can I help make the "nothing" better?" He asks her gently and she gets the sudden, overwhelming urge to crawl into his arms and just stay there where nothing can hurt her.

"Take me with you next time you go travelling", she says, her lips lifting into a wry smile because they both know he'd have taken her many times if only Snow would let him.

"You know how your mother feels about that", he tells her and rubs his hand up and down her back, the two of them huddled together in futile conspiracy against her mother that won't ever lead anywhere because Charming loves Snow more than anything else in the world and he recognizes that her trepidation in letting Emma travel with him is not unfounded.

"When I get married she won't be able to stop me", Emma says petulantly and her father chuckles, tilting his head to look at her sideways, his eyes dancing with humour.

"You seem quite determined all of a sudden", he tells her and Emma rolls her eyes at him, her heart squeezing in her chest because his gentle teasing reminds her of Killian and she had sworn she'd stop thinking about him a week ago when she had left him at the lake.

She hadn't had much success in that department.

Her hand closes around the hilt of her sword and she flashes back to the day she had met Killian, remembering the beautiful swords in his shop and realizing that they looked quite similar to hers in style.

"Who made my sword?" She asks abruptly and her father lifts his pale eyebrows, confused by her sudden urgency, but he answers her nonetheless.

"Remember the new blacksmith that opened a shop in village and everybody in the castle was buzzing about a few years ago?"

"The one-handed blacksmith?" Emma asks, her voice squeaky and small, causing Charming to look at her askance.

"His name is Killian Jones, but I guess it can't be helped that people address him as one-handed", Charming says and Emma's fingers tremble on the hilt of her sword.

"You've met him?"

"Of course. I wanted to see for myself if his swords are really that good; his sword is a King's most important possession, much more so than the crown or the sceptre", Charming tells her seriously but Emma is too impatient to waste time now that it seems she might discover how had Killian came to be in the village.

"This is a really good sword", Emma says wistfully and Charming nods, his hand resting on the hilt of his own.

"It is. Most blacksmiths are born into the trade, taking over from their fathers, but Jones seems to have taken a longer, more winding road to acquire his skills."

"How so?" Emma breathes, holding her breath and feeling apprehensive because even though she wants to know everything about Killian's past, she wishes he could've been the one to tell her.

"He used to be a sailor, a Lieutenant in the Royal Navy in one of the southern Kingdoms", Charming says and Emma's heart stutters in her chest for two reasons; one is that the fall from an officer to a blacksmith must've been horribly painful even without his missing hand, and the second being the instant realization that there's hope for them after all.

If he were to become a Lieutenant again, he could court her without any consequences at all.

"Do you know what happened?" She asks after an appropriate pause because she doesn't want to seem too eager.

"He didn't seem very inclined to talk about it, but he did tell me that the ship his brother was captaining was attacked by pirates; Jones' brother died and he lost his hand, which I presume led to him being discharged from the Navy. It doesn't really matter because his skill is incredible even with one hand, so I didn't pry further, just commissioned him to make me a few swords."

"Was he surprised when you asked him to make this one?" She asks, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts and possibilities she can't focus on now, so she stores them all safely to only take out when she's alone again.

"Not that I could tell, but I do think he was under the impression that he was making the sword for your mother, so he made it to fit a Queen", he says and Emma looks down at the sword in her lap, for the first time really taking in all the delicate engravings she'd seen a million times without ever admiring them as much as she should have, because they truly are beautiful.

"Do you think that other King made the right choice when he let him go from the Navy just because he's missing a hand?" She asks softly, knowing that her father is going to think about her questions later and come to the obvious conclusions, but unable to stop herself from asking.

After all, her future actions depend on his answer, and her happiness might as well.

"It's a complicated question, Emma. Somebody being fit for duty depends on a lot of things, not just the physical. He'd probably lost his brother in a traumatic way and that could've factored into the King's decision to relieve him of his duties."

"That's not what I'm asking, dad", Emma says and looks at her father steadily.

"What are you asking, then?"

"Would you let a one-handed man serve on your ship?"

"If he was otherwise able and willing, I would", Charming says and Emma beams at him, then soundly kisses his cheek and jumps to her feet.

"I'm really proud to be your daughter", Emma tells him and walks to the middle of the courtyard, holding her sword up in challenge. "Now let's see if I can beat you this time."

Charming laughs and they go back to sparring, but even though she comes close to winning a few times, she never manages, and even though she'd never admit it, she's glad.

Her father had always been her solid, unbeatable hero and she hopes he always will be.

She'd beaten enough of his guards to know that she's quite good at swordfighting, and it's somehow comforting that she never wins when she spars with her father.

* * *

Emma spends a few days contemplating Killian's past and her future, and she comes to the expected conclusion; she can't give up on him and on them without a fight. There is a connection between them, a link that she feels acutely even though their meetings had been few and shorter than she would've wanted, and she feels like she owes it to herself to at least try and see if it could deepen.

If she doesn't, and she ends up married to somebody she doesn't care about, she's always going to regret it, so she plans her escape well and sneaks out of the castle late at, rousing Tornado and saddling him quietly before riding off through the woods.

Finding out where Killian lives proved to be easy because all her maids seem to have a crush on him and it loosens their tongues, allowing her to steer the conversation until they told her that he's got a little cabin at the edge of the forest, a bit removed from the other dwellings in the village.

Emma's maids find it romantic, but she finds it convenient and thanks her lucky starts that his shop isn't his home too, because she had promised never to visit him there again and she'd rather not depend on fate to see him again.

Despite it being late, the light is on in the cabin and Emma approaches the window carefully, taking in the shabby look of it all and realizing she doesn't really care; it's the man inside she longs for, and she can only hope he feels the same.

She had never felt like this, not even with Walsh, and it puts her mind at ease that she's the one pursuing Killian, not the other way around.

Emma presses her face to the window and peers through the opening in the curtains to find Killian sitting in an armchair next to the empty fireplace, his face half in shadow as he thumbs through some kind of book with a wistful look on his handsome face. Judging by his clothes, he still hadn't gone to bed, but both his vest and his shirt are half-way opened and Emma bites her lip, her fingertips tingling with the need to touch him.

When she knocks on the window Killian's head snaps up and he jumps to his feet so swiftly that the book he'd been reading falls off his lap, but he simply steps over it and makes his way to the window, his eyes never leaving Emma's.

"What are you doing?" He asks breathlessly when he opens the window and Emma holds out her hand wordlessly, inviting him to help her inside. "You're out of your mind."

Even as he says it, Killian takes her hand and pulls her closer, then wraps his arm around her waist and easily lifts her off her feet; she's glad she's wearing pants because it would be quite impossible to get in through the window otherwise.

As soon as she's inside Killian releases her completely and she sways a little from the abruptness of it, and then they stand looking at each other wordlessly, close but not quite touching, her body still reeling from his embrace.

"Why are you here, Swan?" He asks, shaking his head at her and lifting his hand to tug the curtains firmly closed behind her.

"You said we'd meet again if it was meant to be", she tells him, suddenly uncertain, her eyes flickering to his naked chest even as she desperately tries to hold them level with his.

Killian quirks an eyebrow and starts buttoning his shirt, his nimble fingers making it look easy even though she doubts it was so at first.

"I did say so, but I hadn't exactly expected you to show up at my window and give the fate a nudge", he says with an amused smile and Emma feels so warm inside, so light because he seems pleased; he hadn't called her lass since before he found out she's a princess.

"I had an interesting talk with my father a few days ago and decided to take my future in my own hands", she says and walks around him to pick up the book that had fallen from his lap when she had intruded on his peaceful evening. "I hadn't really expected you to be up at this hour."

"What would you have done if I wasn't?" He asks and takes the book from her hands before she can open it and peer inside, his scent enveloping her and making it difficult to concentrate on what she'd come here to say.

"I'd broken in and waited for you here", she tells him and glances past his shoulder to the door that must be leading to his bedroom.

His eyes regard her with obvious admiration and she smiles, pleased that she can still surprise him despite the fact that he seems to understand her on a deep, personal level.

"What changed from the last time we've seen each other?"

"I found out what happened to you", she says and bites her tongue at her poor choice of words because he all but flinches away, his jaw locking and his body angling away from hers as if he's trying to put distance between her and his damaged arm.

"I fail to see what that has to do with anything", he tells her and his eyes are suddenly two blocks of ice, regarding her calmly and dispassionately.

"I know you used to be a Lieutenant, and if you were to become one again-"

"I think you should go back to your castle, your Highness", he says, the tone of his voice like a punch in her gut after all the times he'd caressed her with it, and she ducks her head for a moment to compose herself, noticing that his hand is balled into a tight fist by his side.

"Don't be like this", she says and lifts her head again to look at him, boldly meeting his gaze and even taking a step toward him, her fingers curling around his arm.

"I don't appreciate your nosiness, princess", he tells her and pulls his arm away before he walks to the window and pushes it open wide with his stump, his eyes stormy when he turns to her and offers her his hand. "Forget whatever fanciful daydream you've concocted about us because it won't come true. Now out you get."

Emma grits her teeth and feels her cheeks burn in embarrassment, but she holds her head high when she scrambles out without his help, her braid bouncing on her shoulders as she runs away without saying a single word.

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	5. Before the Blacksmith

**The angst is high in this one, but it's nothing compared to the second part of this story, we just need to get there. Thank you for reading, and enjoy!**

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The sting of rejection keeps Emma brooding in her bedroom, and by some miracle her parents leave her be, but she's still required to attend her classes and suffer through another gown fitting.

It's only late, late at night that Emma allows herself to cry over what could've been, and afterwards she always curses Killian and his cowardice because she knows without a shadow of a doubt that he'd felt as strongly about her as she did about him, but even the depth of his affection wasn't enough to make him want to fight for her.

She guesses it's still better than what Walsh had done, because Killian never promised her anything, but somehow this heartbreak hurts much more, and there's a certain hopelessness coming over her, dread filling her every time she thinks about the impending ball.

Before she had met Killian there was at least a chance that she could like one of the princes enough to make her peace with her lack of choice, but now she knows that none of them would ever do.

She doesn't want a prince, she doesn't want to settle, and the realization that she's going to have to makes her weak with panic.

The thing is, she had never believed that a love like her parents' could happen to her, but meeting Killian had made her wish that it could, and now she feels cheated and incredibly bitter.

Still, hiding in the castle only makes her turn their last meeting in her head over and over again, so she saddles her horse and goes riding, scarcely paying any attention to where she's going because Killian is probably going to avoid the forest lest he ran into her anyway.

Tornado takes her to the trail leading to the lake and breath hitches in her throat because Killian's old horse is tied to a tree at the end of the trail, looking at her with tired eyes as she debates whether to turn around or dismount and see what Killian is doing here.

He wouldn't come if he hadn't wanted to see her, and the thought of the ball that is going to seal her fate at the end of the fall makes her desperate enough to swallow her pride and go talk to him.

When she pushes through the overgrown foliage and reaches the lake she finds Killian sitting on the uprooted tree staring out at the water, seemingly so lost in thought that he doesn't even notice her approach.

Emma walks around the tree and blocks his view of the lake, making him jump to his feet and give her a courteous bow that somehow angers her even more, making her forget her manners.

"Why are you here? I thought you didn't want anything to do with me", she practically hisses and he just stands there, stoically taking her verbal attack. "Let me keep my fanciful daydream and leave me alone."

He doesn't move a muscle.

"I found this lake first and I command you to leave", she says, trying to infuse her words with every ounce of regality she possesses, but she only succeeds in sounding like a pouting child.

"I've been coming here every afternoon since the night I've behaved abominably and I shall keep coming until you let me apologize", he says and Emma presses her mouth into a thin line because his fancy words don't mean a thing to her now.

The corner of Killian's mouth lifts up in the shadow of a smile at her glare and it's clear she's not fooling him.

"I truly am sorry, Swan", he says and damn him for knowing just the thing to say.

"You're not forgiven", she mutters and brushes past him on her way to the fallen tree. "Now sit down."

"As you wish, my lady", he says and sits a little way from her, looking at her expectantly.

"What?"

"I should think you're going to give me some kind of a demand, something I have to do before you accept my apology", he tells her, looking at her from under his eyelashes, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as if he expects she's going to demand a kiss.

All she wants is an explanation.

"No?" He queries and ducks his head to stare at his knees, then tugs on the sleeve of his shirt as if to make sure it covers his stump properly. "It happened in the middle of the night."

Emma frowns in confusion for a moment before she realizes that he's going to tell her how he had became a blacksmith after all.

"You don't have to-"

"You need to hear this, Swan. You need to know why I can't go back to who I used to be", he cuts her off and she nods slowly, her eyes giving him silent encouragement even though she feels guilty for driving him to this when he obviously does not want to talk about it.

But then again, she senses that it's been weighing him down for a long time, and it might even help him to let it out.

"The men who were supposed to be on watch fell asleep because we'd been fighting a storm for the better part of a week, and when we finally encountered calm see none of us could keep our eyes opened anymore. I suppose that's exactly what the pirates counted on."

It's a warm summer day with barely and breeze, but Emma feels chilled to the bone, and she scoots a little closer to him so that her shoulder is almost touching his, her full skirt brushing against his leg.

"It wasn't much of a fight, but some of us, including my brother, resisted for as long as it was possible", Killian says, his voice almost eerily calm, and Emma is glad he doesn't go into details. "Losing my hand saved my life, but my brother wasn't so lucky. They wanted to make an example of him since it was obvious he was the Captain, so they hung him from the Mainmast while all the crew was forced to watch."

"I am so sorry", she says, acutely aware how inadequate those words are, and desperately racking her brain for some other comfort she could offer.

He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly, Emma's hand moving on instinct and landing on his forearm; she caresses it gently over the sleeve of his linen shirt, her touch gentle even though it's been a long time since he lost his hand and his arm shouldn't still be as sensitive as it probably used to be.

Killian goes very still, his eyes flickering down and then back toward the other side of the lake, his hand moving to rest on top of hers to stop her ministrations, but he doesn't make her let go and it fills her with irrational wave of hope she doesn't have time to analyze now.

"How did you survive?" She asks him because she can't imagine the pirates being merciful enough to take care of his wound, and yet he's here, sitting next to her all warm and solid and so very heartbroken.

"They gave us a choice; walk the plank or join their crew. They didn't know that my brother was the Captain, otherwise they wouldn't have believed my capitulation. Although it was all just a deception, and it only lasted until we moored the ships and I slit the Captain's throat in his sleep, I became a pirate, I became the thing I despised the most."

"You did what you had to do", Emma tells him softly, her voice catching because she can tell that he thinks he'd betrayed his brother and the Crown they've both served just to save his life.

"There's been many nights when I wished I had died honourably like my brother, and it's why I didn't object at all when the King relieved me of my duties."

"If your brother loved you, he would have understood, and if he could see you now, he'd be nothing but proud", Emma says faintly and the look in his eyes when he finally looks at her almost breaks her, but she swallows her tears and gives him a watery smile. "He would be so very proud, Killian."

"I am a decent blacksmith", Killian says after a lengthy pause, his coiled muscles finally relaxing, and Emma doesn't say any of the things she wants to tell him because he's nowhere ready to hear them.

"You're an incredible blacksmith", she tells him and he chuckles, the haunted look in his eyes slowly but steadily fading and leaving an even brighter blue in its wake.

"Wherever did you hear that?"

"Everybody says so."

"And you believe them?"

"You should hear people talking about your swords and tools; it's like they are discussing something much more important than metal", Emma tells him with wide eyes and she can't believe it when a light blush colours his cheeks. "How long did it take you to master the skill?"

"I've been a blacksmith for almost a decade, but I wouldn't say I've mastered it yet. There's still a lot to learn and improve", he tells her and she has to pinch herself because she's on the verge of fawning over him, and Emma does not fawn.

"You know, before I've met you, I always imagined you'd be old and burly and frightening", Emma tells him and he laughs, her heart soaring because she'd succeeded in lightening the mood with her silly comment.

"I wouldn't quite say burly", he says and she giggles, playfully squeezing his bicep and nodding appreciatively.

"Not too bad", she tells him and winks, basking in the warmth of his smile and letting herself get lost in his forget-me-not eyes.

"How come we always end up talking about me?" He asks her and she lifts her eyebrows in question because she didn't think they did. "I don't know much about you aside from the obvious."

"What, that I'm a princess?"

"That you're lonely, stubborn, smart and very beautiful", he says and Emma feels her cheeks burn at his compliments and briefly wonders what made him so direct all of a sudden. "Apologies, my lady."

"Oh come on, don't do that. You can't say such things and then retreat", Emma exclaims and his eyebrow shoots up before he pointedly glances down at their entwined hands.

"I am merely trying to stay respectful of your position", he says in a teasing tone and Emma breathes a sigh of relief.

"There's not much to know about me; I like riding and archery, I despise Geography and reading books my tutors think I should be reading, but I love those they think I shouldn't..." Emma counts her passions and deliberately doesn't tell him about swordfighting because she's toying with the idea of asking him to teach her and watching his face when she beats him during their first lesson.

"You forgot your passion for travelling", he says softly and Emma deflates a little because she didn't forget.

"I wouldn't call it a passion. I've never even gone anywhere yet", she murmurs and looks at him from under her eyelashes, debating on whether she should say what she wants to or not.

"What?"

"Would you take me sailing if you had a ship?"

"Against your mother's wishes?" He queries and she shrugs, watching him intently while he contemplates his answer.

"They would lock me up for kidnapping the princess, if not worse", he says, his thumb tracing circles around each of her knuckles in turn; it's a soft, gentle touch, but it ignites her skin and makes her imagine things she absolutely shouldn't.

"Probably."

"Well then, I would have to make sure we don't get caught", he says and Emma grins, pleased with his answer even if it's all just hypothetical.

"Were you this careless about the authority while you were in the Navy?" She blurts out and freezes because she doesn't want to sadden him again.

"Gods no. I was incredibly stuck up and full of myself", he tells her, and she's relieved that he doesn't seem bothered with her question. "My sudden reckless streak is quite a new development, princess."

"There's nothing wrong with being a little reckless", Emma says and turns her hand so that their palms are pressed together, resting on his arm.

"I'm beginning to see that", he says softly, his head tipped down so that their faces are close, and Emma catches him staring at her lips, but before she can close the distance between them he pulls back and Emma heaves a disappointed sigh.

"Not reckless enough, I guess", she says, but even though her first instinct is to run from this disappointment, she stays, and Killian squeezes her hand in the only comfort he can offer.

They still don't know what they are doing, but at least they are doing it together.

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	6. Friends

**Thank you so much for all the reviews and follows, and I hope you keep enjoying this story... there's not too many chapters left before the real angst begins. Enjoy!**

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Emma and Killian spend almost every afternoon together sitting by the lake or walking around it, sometimes talking, sometimes not; he teaches her how to fish, but he insists they throw their catch back into the lake, and even though they don't get any closer physically, Emma feels closer to him than she ever did to Walsh.

The first afternoon she can't make it she feels all jittery and uneasy, wondering if Killian is going to be worried even though they don't really have a standing arrangement.

When she shows up at the lake the next day Killian is waiting for her; Emma gives him a sheepish smile, his eyes light up, and she gets the feeling that he'd keep coming there and wait for days to see her.

Just a month ago his intensity would scare her, but something had shifted inside her, and she doesn't know how to go back, or if she even wants to go back.

"You Highness, your highness, your presence is requested in the Great Hall", Emma's maid says and startles her from getting ready to go see Killian.

"Requested by who?"

"Her Majesty", Mary says, and judging by her excitement, it's something important.

"Tell her I'll be there shortly", Emma says, but the maid doesn't budge.

"Pardon me, my lady, but the Queen said I can't let you out of my sight lest you ran away", Mary tells her anxiously and Emma rolls her eyes, but dutifully follows her down various hallways and staircases.

"This better be good", Emma mutters when the doors of the Great Hall open to admit her and then she squeaks in delight and runs across the room, wrapping her arms around the best friend she'd ever had; princess Rapunzel.

"Emma, breathing", Rapunzel laughs and hugs her back tightly, and Emma loosens her hold only fractionally.

It's been almost a year since they've seen each other, but the letters between them have kept their friendship very much alive.

"I can't believe you're here! Why didn't you write to tell us you were coming?" Emma asks her when they finally separate and already starts planning everything they are going to do now that Rapunzel is here.

"We wanted to surprise you", Snow's mother says and lays her hand on Emma's shoulder. "You seemed unhappy about the ball, so your father and I decided that having Rapunzel visit for a few weeks would do you good."

"I'm definitely happy you're here", Emma says and pulls Rapunzel toward the door, ignoring her mother's protests because her friend might want to rest before going anywhere.

When they are together, they spend every waking moment together having fun; it's how it's always been, and Emma refuses to let it change even if there's a blue-eyed ex-Lieutenant/current blacksmith waiting for her at the lake.

"Where are we going?" Rapunzel asks as they run down the main hallway and out into the bright afternoon, racing each other and laughing when they both trip over their dresses and hold onto each other for balance.

"Away from the castle so we can talk", Emma calls over her shoulder and runs faster, but Rapunzel keeps up and soon they are sitting on a meadow under the oak tree trying to catch their breath.

"Can I go first?" Rapunzel asks and Emma nods, still trying to decide if she should tell Rapunzel anything about Killian or not; they've never had secrets from each other, but then again, Emma had never spent time with somebody well below her social status, and besides, she doesn't really know how to explain what she and Killian are to each other.

"Of course!"

"It's a huge secret, so you have to promise you won't tell a soul", Rapunzel says with a wide grin and Emma nods eagerly, deciding in that instant that she's going to share her own because she knows Rapunzel won't judge her.

"I promise", Emma says solemnly and Rapunzel shifts closer, looks around and then finally speaks.

"I fell in love."

"Who with? Why is it a secret? How did it happen?" Emma shoots the questions in rapid succession, swallowing the words she actually wants to say.

_Me too._

"His name is Flynn Rider", Rapunzel says and bites her lip, looking around again to make sure nobody can hear them. "He's sort of a thief, so nobody can know anything about us."

"A thief?!"

"Shhhh", Rapunzel shushes her and gives her a beaming smile. "He robbed my father's carriage. Mom almost fainted, dad was livid, and Flynn took care of our guards in the most entertaining way."

"But when did you have a chance to fall in love?" Emma asks, wondering how an encounter like that could make her friend attracted to the thief.

"He said that I was the most beautiful treasure he'd ever seen and kissed my hand before he rode off on his horse, and then showed up at the window of my room that same night. He climbed the wall to it, Emma! I threatened to hit him with a chair if he didn't leave but he knew I wouldn't do it and somehow we ended up talking all night", Rapunzel says in a dreamy voice and Emma wonders if she looks like this when she's thinking about Killian.

"But what are you going to do? Your father probably wants to hang him", Emma says and Rapunzel's face falls.

"I don't know, Ems. He tells me hadn't stolen anything since the day he met me, but he's a wanted man. It's all so very frustrating."

"Any chance of him being some long-lost prince?" Emma asks and Rapunzel manages a giggle, shaking her head and telling her that there is not. "You can always run away, if you're sure he loves you and not all your gold."

"Hey! Not everybody is like Walsh", Rapunzel says, offended on Flynn's behalf, and Emma gives her an apologetic smile before she speaks.

"I know."

"You do?" Rapunzel asks, her eyes going wide as she leans forward in anticipation. "Do tell."

"There's nothing much to tell yet."

"Oh there definitely is. Stop stalling!"

"We're just friends."

"Let's pretend you are. Who is he? How did you meet him?!" Rapunzel exclaims excitedly and Emma tells her everything except the part about Killian being in the Navy when he was younger. "I can't believe he made your sword before you've even met. That's so romantic!"

"I guess it is...", Emma trails off and gives Rapunzel a mischievous smile. "He's waiting for me at the lake as we speak."

"What are you doing still being here?!" Rapunzel asks her and tugs her to her feet, nudging her toward the stables.

"I am not leaving you, Zee", Emma tells her and leads the way back to the castle. "You have to show me your new drawings, and let me pick ones I want to hang in my room."

"But what about Killian?"

"He can wait."

"Have you had any luck in convincing your mother to let you go travelling with King David?" Rapunzel asks and Emma shrugs, feeling a little embarrassed to admit that she's not even trying that hard anymore.

"I don't think she's ever going to give in. She just gets so scared of losing me."

"She will have to let you go sooner or later."

"I know."

"She told me everything about the ball."

"Don't even talk to me about that. You're lucky you're only twenty so you still have time to figure it out with Flynn. I'll be twenty-five in October and my freedom has run its course."

"What does Killian say about that?" Rapunzel asks softly, sensing that it's a delicate subject, and Emma tells her he doesn't know. "Why not?"

"I don't know how to tell him. I like spending time with him, but how do I know it's the real thing?" Emma says wistfully and feels slightly embarrassed for getting so mushy. "And besides, he hasn't even tried kissing me yet."

"Why don't you kiss him and find out if it feels real?"

"Rapunzel!"

"Oh come on, don't even try to play coy. We both know you practically jumped Walsh."

"And look where that got me", Emma says, but there's no bitterness colouring her voice like it used to every time she'd talk about Walsh.

"You said it yourself; Killian is not Walsh."

For the rest of the day, that sentence keeps playing in Emma's head; she's aware of it as Rapunzel shows her the drawings, a lot of which are portraits of Flynn, it haunts her as they play a rather awful duet for her parents on the piano, it's hiding in the corner of her mind while she beats Rapunzel at cards and continues to ring in Emma's head long after her friend falls asleep, tired from the long journey.

"Zee?" Emma whispers to makes sure she's asleep, then sneaks out from her room and through the silent castle, running down the trail that leads to the beach; she doesn't know how she knows, but she's fairly certain Killian is going to be there.

And he is.

"Swan", he breathes her name and she sleepwalks to him, her fingertips tingling until they slip into the spaces between his, and they stand there looking at each other for an eternity, their only point of contact their joined hands.

"Sorry I couldn't come today."

"It's alright. You're a princess, and you have duties", he tells her, his thumb running circles against the back of her hand, and Emma feels an inexplicable, overwhelming wave of sadness because he seems to think that he's always going to come last, and he's content with whatever she can offer him.

"It wasn't like that. My childhood friend came for a visit and I didn't want to leave her alone on the first day", Emma says and Killian brightens a little, then abruptly turns and leads her down the beach.

"There's something I want to show you."

"What did you-", Emma starts to say but they round a bend that's been hiding the rest of the beach and she gapes a little because there's a little boat rocking on the waves, it's only sail brilliantly white under the moonlight.

"It's not a fit for a princess, I know, but I thought you might enjoy the ride anyway", he tells her, his voice uncertain, but even though the boat is barely larger than the bathtub they have in the castle, Emma can't remember ever feeling this happy.

"I will, oh I will", she exclaims and wraps her arms around Killian's neck, holding him tightly for a long, charged moment before she pulls away and lifts her dress up, wading into the shallow water and scrambling into the boat as carefully as she can. "Come on!"

Killian unties the rope from a tree growing at the edge of the beach and joins her in the boat, the sail catching the wind easily; they move out of the natural harbour under Killian's expert hand and Emma can't help staring at him in awe because he seems one with the wind and the sea, for a moment forgetting even about her.

"Well then, Swan? How do you like sailing?" He asks her a while later with a boyish grin on his lips and Emma leans over the edge of the boat, her hand moving through the water, a delighted giggle escaping her because it's cold but it tickles her pleasantly.

"I love it", she tells him and closes her eyes, the wind playing with her hair as they move silently through the night.

"Someday, you're going to sail away in one of your father's ships", he tells her and she feels a cold chill run down her spine because he didn't say we.

"Only if you're going to go with me", she says boldly and looks at him from under her lashes, her heart slamming against her ribcage while she waits for him to speak.

"As you wish", he finally says, and she feels like a great weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

The night is magical, but eventually it has to end and they find themselves back on the beach, the skirt of Emma's dress soaked like his pants, but neither of them cares. They walk out of the sea holding hands and he escorts her to the trail leading back toward the castle where he tells her goodnight and attempts to disentangle their fingers.

"Was this the first time you've been on a boat since..."

"Yes", he whispers, and it's the moment she realizes that she really is in love with him, both the blacksmith and the sailor, everything he is and could be.

"Thank you", she whispers back and stands on tiptoes, her eyes never leaving his when she leans in and presses her lips against his cheek, his scruff scratching her chin as she lingers there, lost in the moment and in the way her every sense is filled with him.

When she pulls away, he's standing in front of her with his eyes closed and his shaking fingers still enveloping hers, and Emma squeezes them once before she lets go, bids him good night and walks away, her heart feeling like it might fly away from all the affection she feels for him.

At that moment she's wonderfully happy; she's fairly certain Killian is too, and it's the only thing that matters.

* * *

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	7. All In

**A little more angst, and some hope** **in the next chapter. Thank you for reading and enjoy!**

* * *

"Ems! Come on, wake up!" Rapunzel shakes Emma none too gently and lies on the bed next to her, poking her shoulder until Emma opens her eyes.

"What?!"

"It's almost noon and I'm bored."

Emma groans and tries to put the pillow over her head, but her friend is relentless.

"You've been out half the night."

The memories of the boat ride with Killian flash behind Emma's closed lids and she just can't help smiling like an idiot.

"Did he finally kiss you?"

"No. But I kissed him... on the cheek.", Emma says and stretches out like a cat, then sits up and runs her fingers through her tangled hair. "It felt nice."

"I really picked a bad time to come here, didn't I?" Rapunzel asks and Emma shakes her head, forcing herself to leave her comfortable bed and start getting dressed.

"Don't worry about that. I'm glad you're here", Emma tells her because even if she practically aches to see Killian again, Rapunzel is her best friend and she's happy that she came to visit.

After the kiss she'd given him last night, Emma thinks it might be a good idea to keep her distance for a while, decide what she should do about the growing attraction and closeness between them before she goes to see him again, and Rapunzel's presence is the perfect excuse.

And so, the two friends go riding in the morning and spend the afternoons in the cool shade of the castle, playing with the housekeeper's litter of puppies and taking endless walks around the garden when they aren't reading in the library, and by an unspoken agreement, they don't discuss either Killian or Flynn.

A week goes by, then two, and Rapunzel announces that she'd like to go back home during breakfast they share with Snow alone because David is travelling on some important royal business. Emma and her mother try to convince Rapunzel to stay a bit longer, but she is adamant to leave, and by next morning her luggage is packed; she gives Emma a goodbye hug as they stand next to the carriage, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I'll miss you", Rapunzel says and Emma swallows a lump in her own throat, holding on and wishing she didn't have to let go.

"Write me as soon as you arrive home", Emma tells her and Rapunzel winks, then climbs into the carriage, leaning out the window and enthusiastically waving at Emma and her mother.

"Don't be afraid!" She yells before disappearing inside the carriage and Emma smiles, pretending not to see her mother's quizzical look.

"What is my fearless daughter afraid of?" Snow finally asks and Emma just shrugs, telling Snow that it's just a private joke between them.

"It's fine being afraid sometimes", Snow says softly and wraps her arm around Emma's waist to pull her close against her side. "It's how you deal with the fear that matters."

Emma wonders if she'd be saying the same thing if she knew what was her daughter afraid of; starting something with a man who simply isn't of appropriate social standing to even court Emma, much less do anything else about their mutual attraction.

But then again, there's hope that he could be one again, if only Emma knew how to talk him into doing what needs to be done for him to get back to who he once was.

If only she knew how to help the blacksmith become a Lieutenant again.

* * *

Emma approaches the lake timidly, her steps uncertain and her heart hammering because it's been a while, and she's not sure how Killian is going to react to her presence.

She finds him pacing by the lake, and once he sees her a myriad of emotions play across his face before it settles on a look of disinterest that upsets her more than anything else could.

"Your Highness", he says coolly and then he's walking past her and back toward his horse.

"Killian, wait, don't go!" She exclaims and runs after him, her hand landing on his shoulder and halting his progress.

He doesn't turn toward her, and she can feel him shaking underneath her fingers.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't owe me anything, your Highness. Now that I'm certain you are well, I shall take my leave", he says and shrugs off her hand, and for a long minute Emma is rooted to her spot, debating whether or not she should let him leave and try to talk to him some other day.

The thing is, she's too afraid he'll stop coming here if she lets him go.

"I could tell you I was absent because my friend's visit kept me occupied, but it's not really true", she calls after him but he keeps walking, so she picks up her skirts and runs to catch up, running around him and planting herself in his path. "I was scared."

"I suppose one-handed blacksmiths can be quite scary", he says without a trace of humour in his voice and tries to step around her, but Emma lays her hands on his shoulders and makes him stay where he is.

"I know you know that it's not what I meant", she tells him firmly and tilts her head until he meets her gaze, a muscle jumping in his jaw when he presses his lips together.

"What did you mean?" He demands, his eyes flashing with challenge, and she's suddenly very aware of how close they are; the air around them seems charged, and it takes her a moment to find her voice. "Do you even know what you want from me, princess?"

Emma lets him go and backs away, a brief pang of regret piercing her heart; and yet, it's easier to get angry and keep her vulnerability well hidden than reveal herself too much, so she glares at him and plants her hands on her hips.

"You said it yourself; I don't owe you anything", Emma says and he wouldn't look more hurt if she had actually struck him. "We've been having fun, but we were also getting too familiar with each other."

"You kissed me, you reached for my hand!" He exclaims, his eyes wide with disbelief.

"You make me forget reason!" Emma yells and for a moment they are frozen, staring at each other, the rest of the world slowing down, and Emma doesn't listen to reason, completely ignoring propriety as she moves, covering the distance between them in a few quick steps and pressing herself against him, her fingers tangling in his hair as she pulls him down for a kiss.

Or at least tries to.

Killian's hand falls on her waist and he pushes her away, her lips barely brushing his before he sidesteps her, blood rushing into her cheeks from embarrassment.

For a long minute he stands facing away from her, motionless like a fine marble statue, and Emma curses herself for being so rash, half-expecting him to just walk away, her heart squeezing as panic rushes through her veins.

"I apologize, your Highness", he finally says, turning back to look at her with sad, resigned eyes, and Emma puts her hair behind her ears and takes a deep breath to compose herself as best as she can before speaking, her voice strangely calm.

"You didn't do anything wrong", she says and gives him a playful smile even though his rejection stung her horribly; frankly, she's not used to not getting what she wants, but she understands why he's trying to keep her at arms' length, and a part of her is even glad for it.

"It would've been wrong if I kissed you", he says, his chest heaving and his hand balling into a tight fist by his side as if he has to fight himself not to reach for her.

"Don't say that", she says softly and steps toward him, but he just steps back and the distance between them stays exactly the same.

"But it is; you're a princess."

"You're a Lieutenant!" Emma exclaims, her voice rising with desperation because she can feel him slipping further and further away from her with every word they exchange.

"I am not, princess", he snaps, and Emma flinches, his stormy expression instantly softening. "I… I can't do this, I can't offer you anything… I'm just a blacksmith."

"You gave me a month away from loneliness. You gave me a friend and one that is quickly-", Emma says, her stomach clenching because this isn't about whether he can provide for her or not; it's about not having to hide, about protecting him because if they were found out, she'd be alright, but he'd be anything but.

"No. I am sorry, your Highness", he says and ducks his head, his teeth worrying his bottom lip before he continues. "I am… I am honored by your presence here and as delighted I was to keep you company, this… Whatever we were… Whatever we were can't be and whatever we were doing can't continue."

"But-"

"Forgive me, Emma", he says and she feels her heart stutter because he had never uttered her name before, and she gets the feeling he's only saying it now because he thinks this is their final goodbye.

He doesn't know her at all if he thinks she's going to give up on him so easily.

"There's nothing to forgive", Emma says and walks to him, her fingers wrapping around his wrist so firmly he doesn't even attempt to pull away.

"I shudder to think what would happen to your reputation if we got caught together", he tells her and Emma feels a rush of warmth and affection she doesn't want to keep pretending doesn't exist.

"I don't care that you're a blacksmith, Killian", she tells him and raises her free hand to cup his cheek, making him look at her. "And my reputation would be fine, but I'm scared for you, and that's the only reason I want you to become a Lieutenant again."

"Who would employ a one-handed sailor, Swan? Much less an officer?" He asks and tips his head down, his forehead resting against hers.

"You took me sailing, and you managed just fine".

"I can't swordfight anymore", he says in a broken voice that makes her slide her hand down and entwine their fingers in an attempt to comfort him.

"You only need one hand for that", she tells him and the hurt in his eyes makes a cold chill of foreboding rush down her spine.

"I'm left-handed", he says, his voice catching and her heart breaking because she had thought that the only thing standing between him and a brilliant service was his guilt and the lingering pain of the loss of his brother.

"Killian…"

"You should go back to the castle, Swan. I don't have anything left to give you and-"

"You can learn how to sword-fight with your right hand", she says, pausing for just a moment before pressing on because she can't afford to backtrack now. "You can't tell me you've never tried it, just for fun, just to see how it goes."

"Of course I did."

"There you go."

"But even if I wanted to do it, where would I find somebody to spar with me?" He asks her, and she's overwhelmed because even despite everything that's happened to him there's still a tiny glimmer of hope shining in his eyes at the thought that he could find a way back to the man he once was.

"I know just the right person for the job", she tells him and smiles when a slow smile stretches his lips, his hand squeezing hers.

"You just don't know how to quit, do you, Swan?"

"Do you still have your sword?"

"Aye, I do."

"Bring it here tomorrow, and be ready to get knocked on your ass a few times", Emma tells him impishly and stands on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the cheek.

"I don't…", he starts, then trails off and lifts their hands to his lips to kiss the back of hers. "I will come, but don't expect miracles to happen."

"I'm going to try to be as patient as I can, but you have to really commit to this", Emma tells him and he lifts an eloquent eyebrow, her hand pressing against his mouth to stop him from teasing her because they both know she never really learned how to be patient. "I will see you tomorrow."

With that said, Emma takes a step back but his hand is still holding hers and it scares her how hard it is to let him go, to let her fingers slip from his and give him one last parting smile before she turns around and walks away.

* * *

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	8. A Fighting Chance

**Here it is, the chapter in which they finally kiss; thank you for reading and reviewing, and enjoy! P.S. I'm loving your speculations as to what the cause of the angst will be, and you should know that the clue to it is in this chapter.  
**

* * *

Emma wakes up at the crack of dawn and lies in her bed for a while, thinking about the day ahead of her and things she's hoping to accomplish. She knows she needs to be firm and determined, but at the same time she can't be too hard on Killian because if he gets frustrated, he might deem the whole endeavour a failure and her dream of somehow getting him to the ball is going to go up in smoke.

Hours go by slowly and Emma goes to the west wing of the castle to rummage through dusty boxes, discovering her childhood toys and clothes, parading around in more of her mother's bandit clothes wishing more than ever that she could be as free as her mother was when she was Emma's age.

She'd take having the Evil Queen's guards on her back if it would mean being with Killian.

"You went to the west wing again", Snow says when Emma slides into the dining room, her dress dusty and a cobweb hanging from her hair.

"I'm going to take a bath after lunch", Emma says and shakes out her shirts a little, then comes around the table to kiss her mother's cheek before sitting in a chair next to her and attacking her food.

"I hope you don't intend to eat like that at the ball", Snow admonishes and Emma rolls her eyes, scooping potatoes into her plate and managing to drop a few on the pristine white tablecloth.

"Sorry", Emma says sheepishly and feels anticipation slowly build because in a few hours she's going to meet Killian at the lake and they are going to find out if she's got the necessary skill to help him train.

She can't wait to see his face when he realizes she's the one he's going to spar with.

"When is dad coming home?"

"Next week, I think", Snow says with melancholy in her voice because she always misses him when he's gone.

"You should go with him next time", Emma suggests and for the first time in forever her mother looks like she's actually contemplating that idea.

"Maybe I will, but not before the ball", Snow says and Emma excuses herself because she can't stomach another talk about that subject.

There's a bath waiting for her and as soon as she's done, she's going to go meet Killian and see what can be done about making him fit for service again.

* * *

King James keeps all the weapons except for the sword that's always hanging from his waist in a huge room in the basement of the castle, which means Emma has to charm the guards to let her in and leave with her sword.

"Beat me and you can go", Mario, a guard she'd sparred with a lot of times already says, then ducks his head respectfully. "Your Highness."

"Deal", Emma says and attacks fast, barely giving him enough time to draw his own sword and block her.

"You've learned a few more tricks since we did this last, your Highness", he tell her good-naturedly and Emma just smiles, feigning a jab to the left and stopping her sword an inch from his throat.

"I believe I won", Emma says and he looks embarrassed for a moment, then gives her a wide smile and steps aside so she can pass.

Even though it's nice fighting somebody other than her father from time to time, Emma doesn't find it useful because she can tell that all of the guards are holding back with her, and she's not interested in winning if it's not in a fair fight.

Today, though, she's glad it was done so quickly, because even as it is she's a bit late when she finally reaches the lake.

Killian is waiting for her standing next to the fallen tree, his sword resting on it as he watches her approach, his eyes wide with surprise.

It appears that he likes her red leather pants and her light, equally red cloak, and she wonders if he recognizes the sword that's hanging from her waist as one of his own.

She'd be stunned if he didn't.

"Surprised?" Emma asks with a cheeky smile and takes off her cloak, carelessly rolling it up and putting it on the fallen tree. "Cat got your tongue?"

"I didn't know you knew how to fight, Swan", Killian says, his eyes on hers as she comes to him, the sword tapping against her leg as she walks.

"There's nobody else I trust with this", she says and his expression hardens almost imperceptibly, but then he takes a breath and relaxes again, tilting his head and regarding her from under his eyelashes.

"I'm not sure I like the idea of fighting you, lass", he says with a low chuckle that warms her deep inside, his eyes serious when they meet hers. "I don't want to hurt you."

"For you to hurt me, you'd have to be able to touch me first", Emma says and unsheathes her sword, holding it out and patiently waiting for him to reach for his.

"I wouldn't dream of it", he tells her and picks up his sword with just a moment of hesitation, his lips pressing into a thin line because he can't seem to find the correct grip. "I would rather die than touch one hair on your pretty head, your Highness."

Emma tries not to blush but she can't fight the heat rising in her cheeks at his compliment, so she stands next to him to show him how she holds her sword.

"Like this?" He asks softly, his warm breath fanning her neck and jumbling her thoughts, making her wonder if this was really such a bright idea.

"Like that", she says, sounding breathless even to her own ears; she doesn't even dare looking at him until she moves away to face him again. "Now swing at me."

Killian does as she had asked, and Emma is pleased that he doesn't seem to hold back the way everybody else does; still, his move is clumsy and she easily disarms him, surprised to see him look at her with admiration, not anger.

"Again?"

"But of course", he says and attacks her again and again, holding onto his sword for a little longer each time before she disarms him.

Still, after an hour of defeats, his mouth is turned down at the corners and Emma decides that it's been more than enough for today.

"Shall we sit down for a while?" Emma asks when his sword flies away again and Killian nods tightly, but stalks to retrieve his sword from the bushes first.

Once they are seated, Emma doesn't quite know what to say, so she tips her head toward his hand and asks him if his fingers hurt.

"They are just a little stiff", he answers and wiggles them, then closes and opens his hand a few times.

Emma covers them with hers, her eyes asking for permission to help him because she doesn't quite know how to word that question.

"Since you're the one who made me do this, I guess it's only fair that you be the one to relieve the pain", Killian says and Emma starts massaging his hand, first the palm and the back of it, then his fingers; she likes how rough his skin is from years of hard work even more so because she still remembers how gentle he was on those few memorable occasions he'd allowed himself to touch her.

"Tomorrow at the same time?" Emma asks when she's done, releasing his hand and wishing it were tomorrow already.

"If the lady insists", he says, his eyes bright and blue, crinkling at the corners when he smiles and sends a cloud of butterflies flying around her stomach.

* * *

A week of training goes by and Emma gets a little impatient because she had always thought that mastering your weaker hand wouldn't be so hard if you already knew how to sword-fight.

It turns out it might be even harder, and although Killian has been incredibly stoic about it all, he finally cracks when she disarms him yet again and tell him that he keeps making the same mistake.

"Bloody Hell, Swan! Do you actually think I'm doing it on purpose?!" He exclaims and they glare at each other for a while before he turns away and runs his fingers through his hair, his back stiff and uninviting.

"I'm sorry. You know I'm not the most patient person, and with the ball approaching-", Emma cuts herself off abruptly when she realizes what she had said, and he turns slowly, his eyes searching hers until he reads her intentions in them.

"You want me to come to the ball", he says, and he looks so stunned she doesn't even bother to deny it; after all why wouldn't she want him to come? "All this was just so you would be able to invite me."

"Yes", Emma confirms and waits for his reaction with a heavy heart.

"Well then…", he murmurs and picks up his sword. "We better get back to it."

Felling like a great weight has been lifted off her shoulders, Emma holds up her sword and they begin again.

* * *

Emma and Killian spend the summer at the lake sparring, and slowly but steadily his better tactic and experience starts to overpower her considerable skill.

The first time he disarms her she does a little dance of joy and throws her arms around his neck, embarrassing them both, and each of his victories seems to strengthen the link between them.

Sometimes, Emma ends up pinned to a tree, their swords crossed and their faces close together, but every time it happens Killian draws back to avoid hurting her inadvertently.

"You're never going to kiss me, are you?" Emma asks him when it happens again, and he's so taken aback by her bold words that it doesn't take her much effort to relieve him of his sword.

"I can't kiss you", he says, both his tone and his eyes serious as she picks up his sword to bring it back to him.

"Why?" Emma asks and drops their weapons on the ground next to his feet, her fingers closing around the lapels of his jacket. "What's holding you back?"

"Swan", he murmurs and caresses her shoulder with his hand, his eyes darting to her lips before he returns them to hers.

She counts that as a victory too.

"Even if you weren't a princess, I'm not exactly the kind of man you'd want by your side."

"Like Hell you aren't", Emma says and his lips quirk into an amused smile.

"Such unrefined words for a lady."

"I am not a lady when we're here, Killian. Can you just for once forget that I'm a princess?"

"How could I? It's deeply ingrained in you, in the way you move and the way you ride and the way you fight; you're like poetry in motion, Emma."

Despite his flattery, Emma is mad, so she takes her sword again and attacks him without holding anything back, knowing that he can take it now, knowing that very soon he's going to be better than her; she hates losing, but she can't wait for the day he wins to come.

"One day, you will regret not kissing me", Emma warns him as their swords clash, meeting again and again as she forces him back toward the lake's edge. "You will regret it, I can promise you that."

"Don't worry, your Highness", Killian says and gives her a melancholic smile. "I already do."

"You will regret not reaching for happiness when you had the chance", she says and swings her sword in a wide arch he easily blocks.

"Better being damned alone than taking someone down with you", Killian tells her through gritted teeth as she forces him another step back.

"You can't know that would happen."

"You don't know me", he tells her sharply and drops his guard the way he keeps doing when he's distracted, her sword passing through his defense easily and nicking his side.

Killian lets go of the sword and curses like a sailor he hasn't been in a long time, his bad arm pressing against the wound to stop the bleeding.

"Let me see!" Emma exclaims, cold and panicky because his white shirt is stained red, and no amount of reassurance can calm her until he finally lets her lift his shirt and see that it's just a flesh wound.

They sit side by side on the fallen tree and Emma keeps apologizing, cursing herself for being so reckless and telling him that she's going to be more careful next time, and that she had never intended to hurt him.

"Swan, it's alright-"

"I'm so sorry-"

"Swan, that kind of thing happens-"

"But it could've been so much worse-"

"Swan-"

"I should've made sure -"

And then he kisses her. Killian cups her cheek in his hand and he kisses her, effectively shutting her up, his lips barely applying any pressure, but even that simple contact is enough to send heat racing through her veins.

"Shut up, Swan", he murmurs against her lips and kisses her again, gently sucking on her bottom lip as her arms wrap around his neck and her body angles toward his, her mouth opening slightly to allow him better access.

He kisses her like she's something precious, something to be cherished and adored, and Emma sighs with delight, teasing his tongue with the tip of hers and deepening the kiss to show him that she's not some inexperienced princess he has to be extra careful with.

As soon as he realizes that, things get a little hazy, lips, tongues and teeth nipping and sucking and exploring as the sun slowly sets behind the tree tops.

"I need to go back", Emma says, somehow finding the strength to pull away, and Killian nods dazedly, stealing another kiss and caressing her burning cheek with his thumb.

"I will see you tomorrow, my princess", he says and Emma's heart flutters at the possessive pronoun he'd used, everything inside her singing because finally, everything has changed.

Finally, Killian had allowed himself to hope.

* * *

**Review?**


	9. The Ball

**Have some more angst and a lot of fluff! Thank you for leaving feedback, and enjoy!**

* * *

"Do you think I should ask my father to offer you a post in his Navy?" Emma wonders during another sparring session she's having with Killian and his response is rather anticlimactic.

"No", he says and easily counters her attack, disarming her five seconds later.

"I'm sure-"

"Didn't you hear me the first time, your Highness?" He asks her sharply, his blue eyes turning stormy in a matter of seconds when she juts out her chin and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"I thought you agreed you would try-"

"We did not agree on any such thing. I said I would try to re-learn sword-fighting, but I will not have you begging for me", Killian says and Emma bites her lip, feeling stupid for getting ahead of herself and believing in a dream in which he'd be reinstated and therefore able to accompany her to the ball.

"But you kissed me", she says, the petulant words escaping her, and she cringes because she's becoming her worse nightmare, a spoiled princess who's pouting because she can't get what she wants.

"Aye, and I shouldn't have", Killian says and she thinks it would hurt less if he ran his sword through her stomach.

"Very well", Emma says, her voice as cold as her heart; she bends to pick up her sword and sheathes it smoothly, a lump in her throat preventing her from breathing, but she'll be damned if she lets him see that.

"Swan, wait!" He calls after her when she walks away, but Emma has heard enough, and she needs to get away before the tears start to fall.

Even as it is, she can't speak or look at him for fear of falling apart.

"Emma, I didn't mean it like that, please", he says but she's already mounting Tornado without sparing him a single glance. "The last thing I want to be is your family's charity case."

"Even after all this time, you still think you're not good enough for me", Emma says, stunned and so very sad, and for the first time she levels him with a look of pity from high upon her horse. "Congratulations, you've managed to convince me."

"Swan!" He yells after her, but she's already riding away as fast as she dares, keeping her eyes wide opened and listening for the sound of Killian's pursuit, hot tears spilling down her cheeks when she reaches the meadow separating the castle and the woods and realizes he's not coming after her.

She had believed he's the kind of man who would fight for her, and the disappointment is almost too painful to bear; it' feels like a sledgehammer to the fine porcelain of her heart.

* * *

Emma spends the remaining week before the ball sulking in her room, staying under the covers and telling her parents over and over again that she's okay even as her chin keeps trembling every time she remembers Killian's stunned face when she had left him in the forest.

The possibility that they might never have another kiss is making her feel like her chest is being squeezed in a vice, and she keeps dreaming about Killian's fingers always slipping through hers and she ends up waking up before his lips can meet hers every single time.

The day of the ball dawns rainy and cold, and Emma briefly debates on telling her parents that she's sick, but she can't bring herself to do it because they would cancel the entire thing and all the preparations would go to waste, not to mention the fact that they would offend so many noblemen who are going to attend.

She knows some of them have already arrived in the past few days, but since she took all her meals in her room, she hadn't yet met any of her would be suitors.

It's just as well, because she knows that no matter their breeding and style and good manners, no matter how handsome and smart they are, none of them is ever going to do because they just aren't Killian.

And so, Emma takes a long bath and lets the maids wash and do her hair, leaving it tumbling over her shoulders in gentle waves and putting a pretty tiara on her head before they help her put on her dress.

She stares at the mirror and barely recognizes herself; she looks like a true princess but she doesn't feel like one, and it's astounding how much rather she'd wear her mother's pants and go to the lake to spar with Killian than attend this stupid ball.

It's a hard-earned lesson that even princesses can't always get what they want, and Emma wishes she was denied in some other way instead of losing the only man who'd ever saw the girl under the royal.

"You look beautiful", her father says from the doorway and Emma turns around with as genuine a smile as she can muster, curtsying when he bows and taking his offered arm.

"Let's find me a husband", she says and starts for the door, but David halts her progress and turns her toward him, the colour of his eyes reminding her of Killian and making her bite her lip to help her stay composed.

"I know your mother seems overbearing and you feel pressured with this ball, but I promise you that neither of us is going to say a word if you don't like any of the men today. This night should be about you having fun, dancing and meeting eligible bachelors, and none of them is going to get angry if you don't feel an instant connection", David tells her seriously and Emma nods faintly even though she knows he's just trying to comfort her.

"Okay."

If she doesn't like any of the men waiting for her in the ballroom, she's going to become a spinster because there's nobody left in all the kingdom fit for a future Queen.

The evening hasn't even started yet and she's already wishing she could curl in her bed and dream of Killian.

"Shall we?" David asks and they walk down the hallway and down various staircases until they reach the ballroom, the big room growing unnaturally quiet when Snow joins them and lopes her arm through Emma's free one.

"Presenting King David, Queen Snow White, and their daughter, princess Emma."

* * *

No matter how much Emma wishes to hide, there's nowhere she can go to avoid the unwanted attention, and she's forced to dance with this nobleman and that, avoiding her mother's worried stares and returning her father's encouraging smiles.

She's currently dancing with a prince of some far off land whose name she doesn't even bother to recall because he's stepped on her feet three times already and all he can talk about is his horse; she loves Tornado as much as the next person loves their horse, but the prince's affection is just too much.

"Do you mind if I cut in?" A voice says from behind her and Emma stumbles over her own feet, strong arms catching her when the prince lets her go with an entirely unmanly shriek, and then she finds herself face to face with Killian.

He's clean shaven, his hair is less mussed up than usual but no less attractive, and he's wearing an uniform of her father's Navy.

"Can I have this dance, my lady?" He asks her softly, his eyes so deeply blue and full of admiration she can't find her voice.

Killian offers her his left hand and she takes it without hesitation, gently squeezing the glove filled with something soft as she lays her left hand on his shoulder, stepping back when he steps forward and feeling like she's floating in a dream.

"Is this real?" She asks rather dumbly, the rest of the ballroom fading away as they spin round and round on the dance floor.

"As far as I know, yes it is", he teases and she can't help laughter bubbling out of her even though she thinks she should be mad at him.

"But I don't understand."

"I couldn't let you talk to your father about me, Swan. You've told me how much he loves you and I'm sure he wouldn't be able to refuse your request, and I would become precisely the kind of man who doesn't deserve you, so I talked to him myself", Killian says and she gapes, more than a little impressed.

"You talked to the King?"

"I did."

"How did you manage that? People make appointments weeks ahead", Emma says and holds on to his shoulder a little tighter because she's suddenly dizzy, but his arm tightens around her waist instantly and he slows their turns until she feels well again.

"Your father seems to hold me in some regard after those few talks we've had when I forged the swords for him and his personal guard."

"And me."

"And you. It wasn't all that difficult getting an audience with the King", Killian says cockily and adds with a wry smile. "The problem was trying to convince him that I'm fit for duty."

"But you did", Emma says quickly, her stomach tightening at the thought that all this is just a beautiful illusion.

"I challenged him to a duel", Killian says and Emma stops moving so abruptly they stumble in place, both his arms closing around her waist and keeping her upright.

"You did what?!"

"Just until disarmament!" Killian says quickly and gives her a sheepish smile when she just glares at him angrily.

"You're completely insane!"

"No, I'm not", he says patiently and ushers her out of the ballroom and down a quiet hallway, both of them ignoring the curious looks they attract on their way there.

"You've gone completely mad! A duel!"

"Swan, calm down, I just-"

"Do not tell me to calm down! You could've died! What were you thinking?!"

"I needed to prove to him that I'm still more than competent, so after the duel we went sailing and as you can see, I got reinstated", Killian tells her, his hands resting on her shoulders as he tells her everything she'd been dreaming to hear for months, but she's still breathless with panic because he took such a great risk she can't quite wrap her mind around it.

"You're insane", she mutters again, but his dimpled, bright smile breaks through her shock and she finally manages to catch her breath.

"I'm alright, love. And if you still want me, I'm all yours", he says, his real hand sliding over her skin until he cups her cheek, his fingers sliding in her hair as he waits for her answer.

"Of course I want you, you dummy", she whispers, her arms wrapping around his neck as he pulls her closer, his fake hand resting gently on the small of her back.

"Thank you", Killian whispers back, and Emma blinks away a few tears because she'd never felt happier in her entire life.

"When did you decide to do something so crazy?"

"A few days after we started sparring", Killian murmurs, his nose brushing against hers and his warm breath fanning her lips, tempting her to lean in and give him a kiss she'd been dying for since the last one they've shared.

"Why didn't you say something last week?"

"You didn't exactly let me get a word in edgewise", he tells her and smiles against her mouth, her eyes drifting closed when the smile melts into a kiss, gentle and loving and so full of emotion she feels like her heart will burst with love.

"Did you tell my father why-"

"I already asked him for your hand", Killian tells her and her eyes fly open, her grip on his shoulders tightening.

"And what did he say?"

"He said that it is up to you, but I'm not allowed to ask until I complete a tour aboard the ship he'd assigned me to" Killian tells her quietly and her heart sinks to the floor, her lips meeting his desperately this time.

"I'll talk to him-"

"No, Swan, you won't. I will complete the tour, and then I will return to marry you and love you for as long as I may live", he tells her and shushes her protests with another kiss.

When they finally come up for air Killian presses one more kiss upon her cheek, then offers her his arm and leads her back into the ballroom and to the centre of the dance floor where he gives her a graceful bow before taking her in his arms again.

Emma would like nothing more than to spend the night dancing with him, but after the waltz ends he kisses her hand and steps back to allow others a chance because they both know they don't really stand any.

Prince after prince spins her around but Emma's eyes always find Killian's where he's standing next to the table with the refreshments, and when the big clock strikes midnight and they announce the last dance she lets go of her partner and walks straight into Killian's arms.

He receives her with a bright smile and pulls her close, and she's completely certain that she's got exactly the kind of love her parents share.

Truest of them all.

* * *

**Review?**


	10. Loving a Sailor

**This chapter is half fluff half angst, but I hope you're going to enjoy it nonetheless. Thank you for every kind review; it really means a lot to me that you take the time. Also, so far, all your speculation is off base, and you have only two more chapters to figure it out before it actually happens. ;)  
**

* * *

Emma barely sleeps the night after the ball and sneaks out of the castle with the first light of day, saddles Tornado and flies through the woods bypassing the lake and going straight to Killian's cabin.

"Hello?" She whispers as she knocks on the window, afraid to try the front door because even if they are practically betrothed, it would still be extremely inappropriate if somebody saw the princess entering his cabin without a chaperone.

Killian pushes aside the curtain, an exasperated look quickly replaced with a grin when Emma gives him a sheepish smile and motions for him to let her in.

"What are you doing here in the crack of dawn?" He asks as he offers her his hand to help her climb in, and Emma scrambles over the window sill, stumbling forward and burying her face into his shoulder.

"I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a dream", she says, her voice muffled by the material of his soft shirt, his arms tightening around her as his lips press against the side of her head.

"It's not a dream, Swan", Killian says and wraps her braid around his wrist, tugging gently until she tilts her head back and looks at him. "I became the man you needed me to be."

"You were that man all along", Emma says, then stretches up to kiss the underside of his jaw, her nose caressing his smooth skin and as she breathes him in, her heart filling up to the point of bursting because she had never felt so good in her entire life.

Killian turns his head and finds her lips with his, her right hand sliding into his hair to keep him close and her left caressing up back, feeling his muscles shift and contract as he releases her braid and unties the ribbon holding it together, his fingers shaking it loose as his tongue slides along her bottom lip and slips into her mouth.

Emma feels overwhelmed, all her senses drowning in him, in the way he holds her and nips at her lips, in the way his hard chest presses against her more pliant one, and when he pulls back she's completely disorientated, her eyes opening slowly to find him giving her a lazy, satisfied smirk.

"Would you like to have breakfast now, my lady?" Killian asks and Emma nods eagerly, following him toward the table where he sits down on the only chair and draws her into his lap. "I'm afraid I've only got cheese and bread."

Killian's easy smile is gone, replaced with a deeply embarrassed look, his head down as he reaches around her to cut off a piece of cheese; he reaches for the bread with his left arm and hesitates as if uncertain if she would mind him holding the loaf in place with his stump even though it's covered with the sleeve of his shirt.

"I'm going to marry the love of my life someday soon. Do you think I care about what and how we eat breakfast?" Emma asks, her hands covering his hand and stump so they cut the bread together.

Killian only relaxes when she lets go, but she understands that his scars go deeper than the physical and doesn't take offense, just leans her shoulder against his chest and takes a bite of the cheese, offering him the rest of it and smiling when he playfully bites her finger in the process.

Somehow, the innocent move becomes something else when her eyes meet his and acute longing fills her chest as she becomes aware of the intimacy of their position and the way they bodies are pressed together.

Breakfast forgotten, Emma slides her hand into the open collar of his shirt, her fingers sifting through his chest hair and caressing hard muscles as he leans forward and captures her mouth with his.

Their lips press together and release as they draw a breath, and his arm feels deliciously heavy where it's resting across her thighs as his fingers grip her waist, burning her skin even through the blouse and corset she's wearing.

But then, Walsh's insincere grin flashes in her mind and Emma pulls back abruptly, breathing heavily but managing to give Killian a reassuring smile, drawing his arms back around her.

"What's wrong?" He asks her nonetheless, pulling back when she leans in for a kiss and watching her carefully, his fingers grasping hers and holding on.

"It's nothing", she lies, but his ocean eyes read her like an open book and he waits patiently until she gathers her thoughts and tries to decide what to tell him.

"You can tell me anything, sweetheart", he murmurs and presses his lips against her cheek, lingering there for a moment before going back to regarding her steadily.

"There was this prince called Walsh", Emma begins and feels that old anger course through her veins again. "His father and mine had some business together and he came with, so we met and spent some time in each other's company."

Emma remembers her younger self, so foolish and naive, so easy to believe every beautiful lie Walsh had told her.

"He seemed perfect, and I convinced myself that I was in love with him just like he was in love with me, and I dreamt about a wedding that would join our Kingdoms and make everybody as happy as we were", she says, her gaze focused on the frilly edge of his sleeve her fingers are playing with.

Killian presses another sweet kiss against her cheek and it's all the incentive she needs to go on.

"We made love in one of the many guest bedrooms as far away from the main part of the castle as possible, and we kept meeting there for about a week. I wouldn't have known that it was all an act if I hadn't overheard him talking to his father and saying how they are going to be rich again soon because "the silly princess fell head over heels in love with him"", Emma finishes softly and sighs when all Killian does is give her one more kiss, this time right under her ear, his arm pulling her a little closer against him. "I was so angry and humiliated, but I knew better than making a scene, so I just went straight to my father and told him what I've heard."

Killian kisses the juncture of her neck and shoulder and Emma smiles, turning her head to kiss his temple and wishing she had known back then what she knows now, because she would have never mistaken her infatuation with love.

"Dad banished them from the Kingdom and I got the satisfaction of Walsh begging at my feet to forgive him, but I just smiled and told him to go to Hell."

"When did you realize I'm not like him?" Killian asks her softly and Emma smiles, her left arm reaching under her right so that she can entwine their fingers together.

"When you agreed to learn sword-fighting with your right hand", she says and kisses his chin, his lips pressing against her nose.

"I don't really understand how he managed not to fall in love with you, Swan, but I can't say I'm not glad he didn't", Killian tells her and she smacks his shoulder, then wraps her arms around his neck tightly. "Shhh, it's alright. I'm not like him."

"I know. I just don't want you to leave me."

"I'm not leaving you, darling, but being in the Navy means sailing from time to time", he says, his tone light because he's trying to make her feel better and alleviate her fears.

"I was so focused on getting you in the Navy that I never really thought about what happens when you rejoin", Emma says miserably and rests her cheek on his shoulder, sighing contentedly when his arms close around her waist, feeling safe and cherished and loved.

"It won't be longer than a couple of months, lass."

"But it might be dangerous", Emma says softly, remembering what he'd told her about pirates and shivering when she imagines another attack he might not survive.

"Nothing's going to happen to me, Emma", Killian tells her, his voice firm and full of conviction she wishes she could share, his lips erasing the frown creasing her forehead. She sits up straighter and rests her hands on his shoulders, her eyes roaming over his handsome face for a long moment before she leans in for a chaste, loving kiss.

"Do you promise?"

"I promise. I'll be back before you know it", he tells her seriously and gently sets her on her feet because he has to go to the harbour, his hand smoothing out her wrinkled blouse before he helps her out the window and walks with her to the edge of the woods where Tornado is waiting.

"My parents are probably going to invite you to dinner as soon as the guests clear out" Emma tells him as he hands her the rains, and he takes her free hand in his, planting a kiss to the back of it before he steps away and squints up at her.

"I will be there with bells on", he says with a wink and she's more than a little impressed with the fact that he doesn't seem all that scared of her father.

She remembers Walsh's spluttering every time he was in David's presence and smiles to herself, then sends Killian an air kiss and gallops away.

"See you!" He calls after her and she thinks; _this is what true happiness feels like_.

* * *

Over the course of the next two weeks Killian attends five dinners in the castle and Emma feels like she's walking on clouds because even though her mother was suspicious of Killian in the beginning, by dinner number two she became completely smitten with him. David had welcomed him with open arms from the beginning, and Emma rolls her eyes at her mother when the two of them lose themselves in this political discussion or that because even though Emma and Snow are well versed on the topic too, they don't really prefer it at the kitchen table.

Emma and Killian spend the afternoons at the lake, Killian sitting against the tree bark and Emma leaning against his chest, his arms wrapped around her waist and his lips leaving a kiss on her cheek or her neck every few minutes as they studiously avoid talking about the future.

The first time he tries, she presses her hand against his mouth and shakes her head, her eyes holding his as she tells him that she doesn't want to jinx him.

"I'm going to be alright, Swan", he tells her softly, but her stomach still clenches painfully because he should know better than anybody that there are no guarantees.

And so they don't talk about the future, about what happens when he boards the ship on Monday morning and sails away from her.

It's still the only thing Emma thinks about when she's lying in her bed, staring at the canopy above her head and trying to fall asleep without much success.

* * *

The night before Killian's departure they meet on the beach, walking into each other's arms like two sleepwalkers and lying down in the warm sand with all their limbs entwined together.

Emma slides her hand underneath the hem of his shirt but he catches her fingers and brings them to his lips, his eyes looking so dark blue they appear black.

"You're leaving tomorrow", Emma objects, pressing herself closer to him but he kisses her deeply and tells her that it's precisely the reason why they can't.

"I have no doubt that I will return to marry you, but I will not risk getting you with child on the off-chance that something does happen to me", Killian says and even though she's incredibly frustrated, Emma realizes that she had never loved him more.

"Just come back", she says and he kisses her again, his arms pulling her on top of him and holding her close until the sky starts growing lighter and he has to go.

"I love you, my beautiful Swan", he says and presses one last kiss to her forehead, his fingers sliding down her arm and tangling with hers briefly as she tells him she loves him too.

Emma stays on the beach as the sun raises and stands on the edge of the water as Killian's ship leaves the harbour, proudly waving their Kingdom's flag as it takes him away.

It's only when she can't see even a dot on the horizon that she sits down on the hot sand, puts her face in her hands and weeps.

* * *

**Review?**


	11. Duty and Honour

**And here it is, the last chapter before everything crumbles around Emma and Killian; enjoy their brief happiness while it lasts and thank you for reading and leaving feedback. Also, **onetreefan** guessed right that Emma is going to get cursed, but the nature of it and the effect on Killian still remains to be seen.  
**

* * *

Days pass painfully slowly without Killian and Emma busies herself with writing him countless letters, sitting on the fallen tree next to the lake and trying to imagine what he is doing at that very moment. She worries about him, but refuses to let it get to her, and when his letter finally reaches her she reads it three times in a row, her heart aching because she's missing him more than she had thought possible.

Snow keeps telling her that everything is going to be alright and David tells her every time he gets word about the ship Killian is serving on, and when the first month passes without incident, Emma allows herself to believe that Killian is going to make it back to her without a problem. After all, The King's Dove is a big sturdy ship, and the pirates would not dare attack it.

Right?

Rapunzel returns her letter post haste and tells her that every thing will be okay, regaling her with Flynn's stealthy and inventive attempts at contacting her without her parents learning about it.

Emma is reading in her bed when her father knocks on the door and softly asks her if he can come in, the tone of his voice causing her blood to run cold; she runs across the room and flings open the door, shaking her head and pressing her lips together to keep herself under control.

"Please don't tell me he's dead. Please, daddy, don't tell me he's dead", Emma says, her voice breaking as he father takes her in his arms and leads her back to her bed.

"I don't know, Emmy. The Dove got attacked by pirates but my men fought valiantly and sunk the pirate ship. The Dove is on its way back, but they've had casualties and I thought it would be best if you prepared for the worst", David says and Emma hides her face in his chest, shaking like a leaf but refusing to cry.

"He's not dead. I would know if he were dead", Emma says, her chin trembling because it's not fair that every single time it feels like happiness is within her grasp, somehow it slips away.

"He's tough", the king agrees and runs his hand up and down his daughter's back, his cheek resting on the top of her head. "We need to keep hoping, but..."

"No but, dad. He's not dead", Emma says firmly and pulls back to look at him. "When are they going to be here?"

"In a few days no doubt."

Emma keeps it together until her father leaves, but as soon as he does she hugs her pillow to her chest and closes her eyes, sending love and healing Killian's way, hoping he won't need it and praying that the end of the week comes quickly.

* * *

The King's Dove enters the harbour on Saturday morning and as soon as the word reaches the castle Emma takes Tornado and gallops off despite her mother's protests. Perhaps it's not proper for the king's daughter to barge onto her father's ship, but Emma could care less for propriety.

She just needs to make sure that Killian is still in one piece.

Emma leaves her horse in the harbour master's care and runs down the dock, holding her skirts up and narrowly avoiding collision with the sailor at the bottom of the gangway, racing up it with her heart practically in her throat.

The first person she encounters is the Captain because he's overseeing the transport of the wounded and tugs on his sleeve, refusing to let go until his eyes widen as he realizes who she is.

"Your Highness, what are you-"

"Killian Jones! Where is Killian Jones?" She demands, looking at the bloodied sailors lined along the deck and the damage the ship sustained with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"You mean Lieutenant Jones?"

"Yes!"

"He's in the infirmary below deck", the Captain says and Emma runs away, not listening what else he has to say because her mind is too busy coming up with horrible scenarios that would prevent him from being on the deck.

"He's alive, he's alive, he's alive", she mutters to herself and walks through a dark hallway until she reaches her dreaded destination, entering the cabin filled with the scent of misery and death and cries of dying sailors.

Emma presses her hand to her mouth because Killian is kneeling next to a young sailor with terrified eyes and a dirty bandage wrapped around his chest, his hand grasping Killian's as he shivers on his cot.

"Close your eyes, laddie", Killian says softly, and after a moment the sailor does so, takes a few more raspy breaths and doesn't move again.

Emma comes closer without even realizing what she's doing, the rustling of her skirts alerting Killian to her presence, and he half turns, still squeezing the limp hand in his, blue eyes finding green and holding before he tips forward and buries his sweaty, bloodied face in her stomach, his left arm rising to wrap around her waist.

"Shhh", Emma croons when a tortured sob escapes him, her fingers sifting through his hair slowly, her heart feeling heavy in her chest because she knows the miracle didn't happen.

Killian didn't escape unscathed.

"How did you get here?" He asks her a few minutes later, finally releasing the dead sailor and wiping his face with his hand before he stands up and ushers her out of the room, closing the door on anguished cries that still follow after them.

"I'm the future Queen", Emma says simply and cups his face in her hand so that she can see him better, her eyes scanning his body to make sure he hadn't been severely injured too. There's a bandage wrapped around his left bicep and a fresh scar on his cheek that accounts for the blood on his face, but other than that he seems fine, at least physically. "Where's the ship's physician?"

"He's dead", Killian says and resists her when she tries to pull him toward the stairs leading up on the deck. "I have to go back."

"I'll send for a physician. You've done enough", Emma says firmly but Killian digs in his heels and stays rooted in front of the door.

"There's nobody who can help those poor buggers anymore", he tells her hoarsely and looks at her with haunted eyes and a shadow of his usual smile. "They just need somebody to hold their hand before they die."

"Why does it have to be you?" Emma asks incredulously, then bites her tongue and brushes past him on her way back inside.

"Swan, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to help you", she says, gasping when his arms close around her waist and pull her back.

"This is not a place for a princess", he says against her ear but she wiggles out of his grasp, holding out her hand and laying it on his chest gently but firmly.

"If you're staying, I'm staying too", she says and goes to kneel next to the sailor closest to her, his eyes widening when she attempts to give him a reassuring smile.

"Are you an angel?" He asks her in a broken voice and grabs her hand with bruising strength as Emma tries to keep her breakfast in at the sight of his mangled legs. "Am I going to Heaven?"

Her eyes find Killian's as he kneels next to another cot opposite from her and he gives her a small nod before he focuses on the sailor in front of him.

"Yes, sweetheart. You're going to Heaven."

* * *

Emma and Killian emerge from below deck holding hands, and it's only in the bright sunshine that Emma sees how wrecked Killian looks; there are purple circles under his eyes and a permanent set to his jaw that hasn't been there ever since they started sparring and he started healing from his last stint in the Navy.

"Permission to be dismissed? I have to take the princess back to the castle", he says to his Captain and the man nods vehemently, looking at Emma as if she'd grown an extra head because her once pristine dress is covered in patches of dark red.

"How come you're not worried about the rumours when people see us riding like this?" Emma asks softly when they mount Tornado, Killian sitting behind her and guiding her to relax against his chest.

"Why would I be? You're my fiancée to be", he says against her neck and turns Tornado around, the three of them galloping back to the castle, Emma's heart soaring despite all the pain she had witnessed today.

Snow meets them in the courtyard and orders the maids to draw them a bath, stressing the word "separate" so pointedly Emma feels just a little self-conscious, but it doesn't stop her from holding out her arms so that Killian can take her down from Tornado's back.

Her mother isn't fooled because Emma had been getting on and off horses since she was ten, even if it meant carrying a stool everywhere she went, but today she needs to feel Killian's touch, needs to feel him holding her because she's afraid she'd fall apart otherwise.

"I will see you in a bit", Emma says when the maids pull her away from him and the valet appointed to Killian leads him down the hallway toward the guest rooms; she's infinitely grateful when the dirty dress and corset leave her body and she sinks into the hot water.

Emma scrubs herself mercilessly and wonders if Killian needs help doing the same, wishing she could just join him, but knowing it would be impossible to sneak into his room with her mother's maids hovering about.

Still, as soon as she's clean and her damp hair is braided, Emma goes to Killian, finding him pacing in the guest room wearing a fresh shirt and pants, his bare feet making him look oddly vulnerable.

"Swan", he whispers and runs his hand through his hair, flinching a little when she wraps her fingers around his forearm and gently tugs him toward the bed. "What are you doing?"

"When was the last time you slept?" Emma asks softly as she guides him to lie down with his head in her lap; she sits against the headboard, her left arm lying across his chest as she sifts the fingers of her free hand through his hair.

"I don't remember", he whispers, but he doesn't even attempt closing his eyes, staring at the ceiling with wide, troubled eyes.

"You have to sleep, Killian", Emma tells him, her knuckles caressing his cheek carefully so she doesn't disturb the angry red scar that must've been left by some kind of a dagger.

She suppresses a shudder and Killian finally meets her eyes, looking so defeated she doesn't know what else to say.

"It was the same ship that had attacked my brother's", Killian says and her stomach sinks, her hands stilling as she waits for him to continue. "I saw the men who hanged Liam get blown to smithereens and my only regret was that I didn't get to tear them apart myself."

"I'm sorry", Emma says, painfully aware how empty her words sound. "They are gone now, and they can't hurt anybody else."

Killian sighs, his fingers capturing her wrist and bringing it to his lips.

"Thank you for staying with me today", he tells her, so much emotion in his voice Emma has to swallow hard to keep the tears at bay.

"I missed you so much, and I was so worried", she says, her hand grasping his shoulder because she needs his warm solidness, needs to feel him underneath her fingertips more than she ever did before.

"I'm alright", he says faintly and even manages to smile up at her. "You don't have to worry about me anymore."

"I won't if you go to sleep", Emma tells him with a ghost of a smile, her index finger tracing the full curve of his bottom lip.

"I will if you promise to be here when I wake up", Killian says and Emma nods because wild horses couldn't drag her away from him.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I just have one question, in case your father barges in and finds us like this", Killian says sleepily, his hand releasing hers so that he can reach underneath his shirt and tug his necklace off.

"What's the question?"

"Will you marry me, Swan?" He asks and holds up a beautiful golden ring with an exquisite blue stone set in it.

Emma laughs, a few tears of joy rolling down her cheeks as she holds out her hand so that he can slide the ring on her finger.

"Of course I will", she says and frames his face in her hands, kissing him gently and lovingly until he falls asleep.

Emma sits against the headboard and sifts her fingers through Killian's hair, her ring shining like a star, their entwined hands resting on his chest.

* * *

**Review?**


	12. Stay With Me

**Prepare for the angst; this is where it starts and it will be a while before it stops. Thank you for reviewing/favoriting, and enjoy the feels!**

* * *

The preparations for the wedding of princess Emma and Lieutenant Killian Jones are in full swing, but neither Emma nor Killian have any patience for it. They sneak off to the lake so often that Snow gives up on trying to consult her daughter on anything, making peace with the fact that Emma couldn't care less about the grandiose occasion.

All she cares about is Killian, and as they lay in the soft grass, their arms around each other and their lips fused together, all she wants is for them to finally become one.

Killian refuses to take that final step, telling her that if they've waited this long, they can wait for a few more days and their wedding night.

"But what does it matter?! Don't you want me now?" Emma asks petulantly and Killian gasps when she presses their bodies together, then rolls them around until he's pinning her with his body.

"I should think you can feel how much I want you even through all those ridiculous skirts you're wearing", he tells her and she gasps, her legs opening wider and wrapping around his hips.

"Then why don't you take me?" She asks breathlessly, the gentleness in his eyes softening her frustration.

"Because of what Walsh did to you", he says softly and Emma's body goes still, her eyes closing at the onslaught of memories.

"You're nothing like him", she says, her lips quirking into a smile when he kisses her nose.

"No, I'm not", Killian says and braces himself on his elbow so that he can reach back and gently make her release him.

They end up lying facing each other, fingers entwined and breath mingling, her free hand resting on his side and his forearm lying on her waist; she likes the weight of his arm pressing down on her, likes the way he looks at her and the way their legs are tangled together, and she thinks that their wedding night is going to be only that much sweeter for truly being the first time they come together.

* * *

The day before the wedding Emma is one big ball of nerves so Killian suggests they ride to the next town over to take her mind off the spectacle ahead of them, and Emma eagerly agrees.

She wears her mother's pants and a travelling cloak so nobody recognizes the princess bride to be, and they set off at a gallop, arriving to their destination a little before noon.

The town is small but quaint, with the main square full of flowers and shops that sell all kinds of wonderful things.

Killian keeps her hand safely in his as they wander around, and she feels light and carefree, letting him buy her a trinket or two and all of a sudden realizing that this is the farthest she'd ever been from home.

It seems fitting that the love of her life would be the one who took her to show her the world outside her castle.

They sit down to have a long lunch at the tavern with a little garden in the front, and Emma rests her chin on Killian's shoulder, marvelling at the simple beauty of this moment as she studies his profile.

"What?" He asks and turns his head to look at her, his eyes so very blue in all the sunshine surrounding them.

"Nothing. I was just thinking", Emma says and sighs contentedly when he brushes his nose along hers.

"About?"

"About how happy I am", she tells him, longing to stretch forward to kiss the side of his neck but knowing that their position might be considered outrageous even as it is. "Thank you for bringing me here."

"You're welcome, my lady", Killian says and steals a quick kiss before they go back to their meal; Emma realizes that her lips don't know how to stop smiling, and hopes the condition lasts for the rest of her life.

* * *

There's some kind of a celebration on the town square that keeps them longer than they should've stayed considering what's going to happen tomorrow, but Emma still grumbles when Killian practically drags her back to their horses.

"It's not fair. Why can't we just stay here and elope?"

"Because it would break your mother's heart."

"You're right... although, I think my dad would be the disappointed one. He's really looking forward to walking me down the aisle."

"We can come back, Swan, however often you'd like", Killian says as they point their horses toward the woods in the rapidly waning light and Emma makes herself stop grumbling because he's right.

It was their first time in that town, but it won't be the last.

"We should hurry", Killian says after a while, suspiciously eying the gathering shadows. "I don't want to be on this road any longer than necessary.

"I've got my sword, so anybody who wants to try-", Emma starts to say, but she's cut off when a body slams into her and knocks her off her horse. She tucks and rolls to her feet, ignoring the sound of Killian's voice calling her name and facing her attacker.

Killian slides off his horse behind them and pulls out his sword at the same time she does hers, but before he can reach her two more bandits step in his path and she turns her attention on her own opponent.

He's much taller than she is, thin but strong-looking; he gives her a bored once-over and makes a threatening figure eight in the air with his sword.

"Are you sure you want to take me on, little girl? Wouldn't you rather sit down crying while we take care of your companion?"

"I think I'd be best if you and your cronies picked up your skirts and ran away to save your lives", Emma shoots back with her head held high, dread filling her gut at the sound of clashing swords and grunts of pain.

Her attacker narrows his eyes at her and thrusts forward with his sword, and Emma barely fends him off because what he lacks in skill, he more than makes up for in speed. He drives her back quickly, and she realizes that she needs to think of something fast, not just for her own sake, but for Killian's too.

But then, one of the bandits fighting him goes down like a sack of potatoes and doesn't move again, Emma's attention momentarily wandering in silent triumph, and it's all it takes; she finds herself screaming in pain because there's a blade coming out of her side and she doesn't even remember how it even got buried in it.

"Killian", she whispers and falls to her knees, the sword Killian had so lovingly made tumbling from her hand as she presses it against the burning wound in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding, the world swirling around her until she's staring at the rapidly darkening sky and the tree tops above her head.

The swords are still clashing somewhere to the side and she tries to lift her head to look, to find Killian and makes sure he's winning, but her head is too heavy so she just lies there and breathes shallowly as her own blood seeps through her fingers.

The realization that she's going to die hits her hard, and silent tears roll down her cheeks because she just wants Killian to hold her one last time, to warm her and take away the pain with a touch of his lips to hers.

It's her last wish, and it gets granted a minute later, his face appearing over her as he presses his hand to hers, his arm going under her to pull her closer.

"Swan", he gasps, his eyes so desperate as he leans down and kisses her cheeks, their slick fingers sliding together as they try to keep her alive. "Swan, hold on."

"Shhhh", Emma murmurs and somehow manages to lift her hand to slide her fingers through the silky hair at the nape of his neck. "It's alright."

"Please stay. Please stay with me", he chokes out, and for a moment he looks as if he's the one dying, but then his face closes and he staggers to his feet with her in his arms.

"I can't", she whispers, but he's not listening, lifting her on his horse and somehow managing to keep her there until he's sitting behind her and cradling her to his chest.

"You must", he murmurs against her ear and wraps his arm tightly around her, keeping the pressure on her wound as he sends his horse into a gallop.

Emma sees the bandits scattered around the road in pools of blood and shudders at the damage he'd done in her name, then feels her strength draining away all at once, making her sag against him.

"Don't you dare close your eyes, Swan!" He practically yells into her ear but his voice is coming from a great distance and even though she's still fighting, there's nothing but darkness surrounding her.

"I love you", she says, but she's not sure if he could hear her, or if it was just in her head.

Shortly after that, she can't feel or hear anything at all.

* * *

Emma loses consciousness, but Killian doesn't slow down, digging his heels into his horse's sides and holding his love close to keep the jostling to a minimum.

The night is falling fast and his heart is hammering in his chest, but he doesn't allow himself think of the worst, and a few minutes later, like a miracle, he sees the lights on in a cabin just a little off the road.

He turns toward it and tells Emma to hold on, a relieved sigh escaping him when the door of the cabin opens just as he slides off the horse and takes Emma in his arms again.

"Bring her in", an old woman says and goes back inside without waiting to see if he's going to follow because they both know he doesn't have a choice.

The castle is too far away and Emma is fading fast.

Killian lies Emma down gently on the bed in the corner of the single room and stumbles when the woman pushes him aside, kneeling next to his princess and expertly undoing the laces of her corset to look at the wound.

She takes one look at it and shakes her head, gently tucking the blanket around Emma.

"She's too far gone", the old woman says and his world comes crushing down around him, narrowing to nothing but his love's pale face and the gold of her hair surrounding it in messy, tangled waves.

"No!" He roars and hauls the woman to her feet. "Do something!"

"Alright", she says with an eerie calm, and Killian releases her as if he'd been burned because for the first time he realizes that her eyes are wrong somehow, too dark, to malevolent. "There's something I can do, but you must be willing to pay dearly for it."

"Anything! You can have anything you want!" Killian says quickly, but the hag just laughs, shaking her head at his stupidity.

"I don't want anything from you, silly boy. How much are you willing to give up so your beloved can live?"

Killian senses a trap, but he steps into it with eyes wide open.

"I will give up anything."

"Very well. If she were dead, there's nothing I could do, but she is not, so I can make a bargain with the spirits, but they won't accept anything but a great sacrifice in return."

"Just save her. Please", Killian whispers, unable to imagine a price too steep for being able to see Emma smile again.

"If I save her life, you can never touch her again. Her skin becomes poison for you, a poison that will kill you in an instant", the witch says and Killian feels like all the air has been sucked out not just from this cabin, but from all the world too.

"Anything", he repeats, his eyes glued to Emma's face.

"So be it. You can never touch her again", the witch says gravely, then goes to a closet in the corner and pulls out one smelly ingredient after another, mixing them all together, plucking a strand of hair from his head on her way back to Emma and putting that in the bowl too. "Don't look so glum, boy. You can still touch her lovely hair whenever you want; it will burn your skin, but it won't kill you."

"Just save her already!" Killian snarls and the witch mumbles something unintelligible to herself, then pours the contents of her bowl on Emma's wound.

Despite being unconscious, Emma cries out in pain, and Killian takes a step toward her, but the witch's hand shoots out and pushes him away.

"Have you forgotten already? No more touching for you."

A wave of darkness attacks Killian's senses and he sways a little, grasping the edge of the bookshelf to keep himself upright.

"How am I supposed to bring her home?" He whispers, finding it difficult to draw a breath because it's finally dawning on him what he'd done.

"You can't. She's going to sleep for a while, so you can go find somebody to do it for you", the witch says, sounding deceptively kind all of a sudden.

"Why? Why did you offer to help me?"

"Because I have a soft spot for lovesick fools."

Killian glares at her for a moment, then decides it's not worth it and kneels next to Emma, his hand reaching out tentatively to press against her hair.

During all his years of forging swords he had gotten more than used to getting burned, so he can stand more pain than an average person would, but he still has to bite his lip hard enough to draw blood to sustain this injury.

Emma sleeps on, her chest rising and falling steadily, and he makes himself linger a moment longer, caressing her silky hair, then pulls away and cringes at the angry red flesh of his palm and fingers that slowly fades into a normal colour even though the pain does not ease for a while longer.

"Forgive me", he whispers and slowly walks out of the cabin, turning his horse back to retrieve Emma's sword on the way to get somebody willing and able to bring her home to her parents because Killian cannot.

* * *

**Review?**


	13. Wake Up to a Nightmare

**You didn't see that coming, did you? I hope you enjoy the angst, because from now on, it's going to be a lot of it in varying degrees, but don't despair; we are heading toward a very happy ending! Thank you for reading and/or reviewing!  
**

* * *

Emma finds her way back to consciousness slowly; at first she's just drifting, unable to even open her eyes, then the sound of her mother's musical voice gets through to her and finally she feels a big, gentle hand holding hers, her lips lifting at the corners because she thinks it must be Killian's.

"Wake up, Emmy", her father says, using the nickname she hadn't heard since she was a toddler, and she blinks in the bright sunlight filling her room to find her parents sitting on each side of her bed with apprehensive expressions on their faces. "There's my girl."

"Dad... What happened?" Emma asks, her mind still fuzzy, an uneasiness settling over her because she feels like a vital part of her is not quite right. "Where's Killian?"

She tries to sit up but her father's reassuring smile keeps her down, his hand lifting to brush a lock of hair away from her face.

"He's right outside, and he's alright. You can talk to him as soon as you're well again."

"I'm completely alright", Emma says and shifts her gaze to her mother, a cold chill rushing down her spine because there's something her parents are not telling her and there's no doubt it's about Killian. "Bring him here, please, daddy."

The King glances at his wife, but Emma knows that he can never resist her when she reverts to his little girl and calls him daddy.

"Charming", Snow says in a warning tone and takes Emma's free hand in both of hers, and there's something fiercely protective in that gesture that makes Emma incredibly uneasy.

"She needs to talk to him", the King says and stands up, then gives Emma a kiss on the forehead and holds out his hand for his wife. "Come."

Snow looks torn, but after a few tense moments she finally gets up from Emma's bed and kisses her cheek, then lies the back of her head on Emma's forehead before finally following her husband out of their daughter's room.

As soon as they are gone Emma sits up, leaning against the pillows behind her and taking a deep breath when her head spins a little, her fingers finding her side where she remembers a sword cutting through her, but it seems like there's no wound there anymore.

Emma doesn't understand how it's possible, but her stomach clenches because she can tell it's connected to Killian's absence from her side and her parents' tight, saddened expressions.

The door opens and Killian steps into Emma's bedroom, his blue eyes finding hers across the room, and it's clear that something is broken inside him ever though he does his best to give her a brave smile as he walks closer and stops at the foot of her bed.

"Hello, love", he says and Emma wishes her head would stop spinning so she could get up and throw herself into his arms.

"Why are you so far away? Come closer and tell me what had happened", Emma tells him, deliberately ignoring alarm bells ringing in her head.

Killian takes a deep breath as if to steel himself for whatever he's going to say next, but he doesn't move from his spot.

"There's something I need to tell you first", he finally manages and Emma gives him an encouraging smile, sitting a little straighter and tapping the bed next to her.

"Come here then. I promise I won't bite", she teases, desperate to make him smile, to stop him from behaving so weirdly because she can feel panic building inside her with every passing minute.

"You got stabbed", Killian says, his voice faltering a little, his eyes darting to her side that doesn't pain her at all.

"I remember that. I remember that you killed the bandit and caught me before I fell, and I remember that it was cold, and then I fainted", Emma recounts and he looks like every single word she says is piercing him, causing him unbearable pain.

"I am so sorry I didn't protect you better", he says quietly and Emma shakes her head because there's been three attackers and he took on two of them while she fought just the one.

"I'm here, aren't I? You defeated them all."

"You're not supposed to be here", he tells her, and the panic rises, her eyes searching his as she tries to remain calm.

"I don't understand. Can you please come here and explain."

"You were dying. You were almost dead when I carried you to the witch's cabin."

"The witch's cabin..." Emma repeats, and thinks that now she can remember smoke, and somebody chanting over her while she slept.

"She told me she could save you, but that there would be a price I'd have to pay. I told her it doesn't matter, that I would do anything", he says and Emma has had enough, so she ignores her dizziness and shoves the covers aside to sit on the edge of her bed, scooting closer to him along the length of it because she's not so sure she wouldn't kiss the floor if she stood up.

"What is the price?"

"I'm so sorry-"

"What. Is. The. Price?" Emma repeats, looking up at him and telling herself that it won't be so bad, that he's overreacting, that they will find a way to pay it and everything will be okay.

She wants him to hold her and tell her that everything will be okay.

"I must never touch you again", he finally says, and her hazy brain can't connect the words he's saying to the meaning behind them because it's too horrible to even think it.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm forbidden from touching you. If I do, if my skin comes in contact with yours, I'm going to die", he chokes out, and she had never seen such amount of pain in a man's eyes before, never seen a person so ruined over one choice that wasn't a choice at all.

"Please tell me it's not true", she whispers, her hands wanting to reach for him now more than ever, so she entwines her fingers in her lap to keep him safe from her poisonous touch.

"You were dying, love. I had to save you", he says and Emma closes her eyes and ducks her head, tears rolling down her cheeks and dripping on her hands.

"You ruined us both", she says and starts sobbing, her shoulders shaking and her heart breaking as she keeps willing herself to wake up because this can't be happening, not really, not now when they've overcome all the obstacles and a glittering future stretched out in front of them.

Not when today was supposed to be her wedding day.

She can't see a future without him.

Emma cries, lost in all the pain she feels because he's lost to her, but then there's a glimmer of light when her bed dips as he sits next to her, not quite close, but close enough so he can lay his hand on her back.

His touch is delicate, but she can feel his warmth through her nightgown, she can feel the love, and she feels a tiny sliver of hope that they can figure this out, that they can find a way to be together despite the curse that's been placed on them both.

"You're playing with fire", Emma says, perfectly still because she's deathly afraid she might touch him accidentally if she moves at all.

"It's alright", he tells her, and she turns her head slowly to find him smiling brokenly, his hand rubbing up and down her back. "We're going to be alright."

"How?"

"I don't know, lass", he says truthfully, his fake hand rising toward her face, her eyes following it until he brushes his stiff, gloved fingers against her cheeks and wipes her tears away.

"What if I touch you unintentionally?" Emma asks, shivering at the thought and holding her breath until he pulls both hands away and sits next to her silently, his shoulders slumped and his head down as he stares at the carpet.

"We just have to be careful", he says and Emma brushes her hair back over her shoulder, a strand of it brushing against his neck and making him hiss in pain.

"Killian!" She gasps, blood freezing in her veins and her hands hovering over him because she had touched him, and even though he said her skin was dangerous, the same might be true for her hair too.

"I'm alright", he says quickly and presses his hand to his neck, hiding the angry red mark left behind. "It just stings."

Emma can't breathe, and she's staring without daring to blink as she waits for him to fall over dead from her devastating touch.

"Swan, breathe. I'm not dying", he tells her and removes his hand to show her that his neck is back to normal.

"My skin will kill you and my hair will hurt you", she whispers and jumps on her feet when he tries reaching for her, quickly stepping away from him.

Placing safe distance between herself and the man she loves more than she had ever though possible.

"Emma-"

"No! We can't risk it! _I_ can't risk it", Emma yells at him and sways a little because she had stood up way too fast, her body obviously still recovering from being almost dead.

"Please don't push me away", he says, his voice breaking in desperation, his hand stretching toward her again, then falling to his side when he remembers.

Emma blinks away a new wave of tears and stands stock still while he approaches her, every fibre of her being longing for his touch, and when he lays his fake hand on her waist she swallows her sobs and holds onto love, her hand covering his and their eyes meeting, saying everything they don't dare to say out loud.

"You don't know what it would do to me if you died because of me", Emma whispers, tears rolling down her cheeks and dripping from her chin despite her best efforts to keep them at bay.

"I do know, love. You were dying because of me, remember?"

"Not because of you, Killian. You fought valiantly but it was two on one", Emma says but he shakes his head in time with her words, his jaw tightening when he grits his teeth.

"If I still had my left hand, I would've killed all three of them before they could've touched one hair on your head."

"It was my fault. I made a rookie mistake because I've never been in a real swordfight before", Emma says, angry at herself for being so cocky and so confident because it had cost them everything.

If only she had fought better, been quicker and smarter, they would be married now and his arms would be around her and she wouldn't have to learn how to breathe around the agony of being deprived of the rush of his skin against her own.

"I should've protected you."

"It doesn't really matter now. Maybe it was just meant to happen that way", Emma says, gaping a little when he lifts his real hand and carefully brushes her hair away from her shoulder with the back of it. "Killian-"

"Shhhh", he murmurs and bites his lip, suffering the pain her hair brings him wordlessly just so that he can touch her again. "It's alright."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't", he tells her firmly, his fingers sifting through the long strands once more, and she'd do anything to kiss the red marks away, to heal him instead of wound him.

"But I am."

"No, Swan, you're not", he says and kisses his gloved hand, then presses it against her cheek. "Nothing you do can hurt me."

Emma finds comfort in his hand on her cheek, realizing how ironic it is that the only part of him that can touch her safely is the part that he can't feel.

It feels like a stab in her gut.

"Go back to bed, love. You need to let your body heal completely", he tells her but she doesn't move, leaning her face into his hand and closing her eyes for a moment, pretending that nothing is wrong, pretending that the hand that's touching her is warm and real and that she won't kill her love if she gives him a kiss.

"Will you stay with me?" Emma finally asks and opens her eyes, his blue gaze meeting hers unwaveringly.

"Always", he murmurs and steps aside, his good hand hovering over the small of her back as he escorts her back to bed where she gets under the covers and watches him sit in a chair next to it.

"I love you", she tells him, and he smiles, his hand finding hers, their fingers entwining with the sheet between them.

"And I love you", he says solemnly, his thumb pressing against the back of her hand like a promise that he's not going to go anywhere without her.

No matter what, he's going to stay.

"Close your eyes", he tells her, and Emma obeys, feeling so very tired and so very broken, but his presence is soothing, and soon she drifts back to sleep, dreaming about his kiss, dreaming about them holding hands without any barriers between them.

Dreaming about loving and being loved in return.

* * *

**Review?**


	14. Don't Let Go

**I would say I'm sorry for all the angst, but I'm not going to because it's just going to be getting worse; judging from the number of hits to this story, you're enjoying it a lot. Thank you for reading, and get the tissues ready.**

* * *

Emma awakes to birdsong from the courtyard below her room, and for a few wonderful minutes she just lies there listening; it's only when she thinks how she wishes Killian could hear it that she remembers what had happened and what they've lost.

The peace that had filled her room disappears as her heart shatters, and Emma opens her eyes to find Killian sitting in the chair next to her bed, still fast asleep; his hand is on top of the covers and Emma realizes the danger he'd been in all night because she could've shifted in her sleep and touched him inadvertently, could've woken in the morning next to his cold body.

A scream that wants to escape her mouth turns into a strangled cry that she muffles with her palm, but it's enough to ruse Killian from sleep.

"How do we do this, Killian?" Emma asks as soon as he opens his eyes, and the smile that lifts the corners of his mouth when he sees her fades away as quickly as it had appeared.

"We're going to have to be inventive", Killian says and stands up, his fingers brushing against her arm and sifting through her hair.

"Why do you keep touching it if it hurts you?" Emma wonders, her eyes shiny with tears when she tilts her head back to look up at him.

"Because, my love, touching you is worth any pain", he tells her and she reaches for his fake hand slowly, like in a dream, caressing the wooden fingers and wishing he could feel her do it as much as she wishes she could feel his real ones in her hair.

"Can we go to the lake today? Can we pretend that nothing's changed?" Emma asks and Killian pulls away, hiding his hand behind his back in a futile effort to hide the damage her hair had done.

"Of course. Have lunch with your parents, and I will wait for you there like I used to do", Killian says and gives her a reassuring smile that only succeeds in making her feel more devastated. "I have to go to the harbour to see if everything is in order aboard the Dove."

"I love you", Emma says because she can't give him a goodbye kiss she desperately wants to; she gives him words even though she knows how little comfort they can offer.

"And I love you", he tells her and lingers in the doorway a little while longer, his eyes caressing her face before he shakes himself and leaves her room, softly closing the door.

* * *

When Emma goes downstairs for breakfast, she finds both her parents waiting for her, all worried eyes and forced smiles, and she would run back to her room to be in peace if there wasn't such adoration and relief shining in their eyes.

She sits next to her father and fills her plate, somehow managing a smile in her mother's direction.

"Did you sleep well?" Snow asks and Emma nods, marvelling at the fact that she really did, and that everything was good until she had woken up.

"Killian went to the harbour then?" David queries and Emma nods again, taking a bite of her scrambled eggs and finding that she's not really hungry.

"Where are all our guests?" Emma asks softly and her parents exchange a worried look before her mother tells her that they all cleared out as soon as it was clear that the wedding is postponed indefinitely.

Silence descend over the dining room and Emma stares at the table cloth, blinking fast because she's not a child anymore and she doesn't want to cry, but as soon as her father's hand covers hers the dam break and she breaks too, sobbing as he gathers her into his lap and rocks her the way he used to when she was still just a little girl.

"I can't touch him ever again, daddy", Emma veils against David's neck, letting out all the anguish she had kept inside for Killian's sake and for her own, because if she had fallen apart last night, he wouldn't be able to hold her like this and it would destroy them both.

"I know, sweetheart, and I am so sorry. You two shouldn't have been travelling alone."

"You and Killian need to stop trying to take the blame. I'm the one who messed up and got stabbed", Emma chokes out and rests her forehead against her father's shoulder, and he rubs her back until her tears run dry and she manages to calm down.

"Did you tell Killian you can't see him again?" Snow asks and Emma looks over her shoulder, confused and distraught when she returns her gaze to at her father.

"Now is not the time, Snow", he says gently and something cold slides into Emma's stomach.

"What is she talking about?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Dad, tell me", Emma demands, looking at him sharply until he sighs and decides to tell her after all.

"You know your mother and me don't care much about rank, and if he proved himself, we wouldn't have been against Killian even if he wasn't a Navy Lieutenant on his way to become a Captain", David says and Emma nods impatiently, trying not to jump to conclusions even though she's got a feeling where this is going.

"You can't marry him, Emma", Snow says and Emma meets her father's eyes, seeing the truth in them.

They've thought long and hard about it.

"If you marry him, our line will perish", David says almost apologetically, and Emma slowly stands up from his lap and starts walking toward the door.

"Emma! Where do you think you're going in the middle of a meal?"

"Leave her be, Snow."

Truth be told, Emma herself doesn't know where she's going, because there's nowhere she can run from the truth and things as they are, but she also finds that she can't stay here.

She can't think about the future of their Kingdom just a day after she had learned that she will never be able to touch Killian, to kiss the love of her life or even just hold his hand.

A few minutes later she finds herself at the stables without quite remembering how she'd gotten there, and she takes Tornado out, riding him hard and fast to the lake where she sits on the fallen tree and weeps.

The worst thing is, it doesn't matter if she's here or in the castle; there's no comfort to be found anywhere.

* * *

Killian finds her hours later, when she had already cried out all her tears; she'd slipped off the fallen tree and now she's sitting with her back against it and her legs stretched out in front of her, staring at the lake.

"How long have you been here, love?" He asks her softly and sits down to the right of her, offering her his fake hand she gladly takes in both of hers and rests them all against her thigh.

"I don't remember."

"Before lunch?"

"After breakfast."

"You must be hungry, then", he says and tilts his head until she turns to look at him, his eyes guarded but strangely optimistic.

"I'm not."

"Swan-"

"Just let it go. I can't risk seeing my mother just yet", Emma tells him and resists the urge to rest her head on his shoulder, counting all the ways she could touch him accidentally if she does.

"The Queen does not approve of our union anymore", Killian says wistfully and Emma sighs, squeezing his unfeeling fingers tighter.

"Did she say something to you?"

"Nothing direct, but I can read between the lines just fine", he admits, staring at their joined hands before he meets Emma's gaze again. "It matters not, love. There has to be a way to break this curse, and all we need to do is find it."

"But where would we even starts searching?" Emma asks him, desperately trying not to get her hopes up even as a hopeful smile stretches her lips.

"I don't know yet, but I've already started making enquiries. I do hope I can convince your father to spare a ship for the quest."

"The ship is not the problem. Convincing my mother to let me go with you will be", Emma says, but she decides then and there that she's not going to let Snow tell her what to do any longer.

She's not a child anymore and this isn't some journey she wants to take for the fun of it.

This is, quite literally, a matter of life and death.

"I'll help you convince her, and I suspect your father is going to want to finally put his foot down", Killian says and Emma nods, feeling like she can finally breathe again.

* * *

Killian convinces her to go back to the castle in time for afternoon tea and rides with her all the way there, but they decide not to talk to her parents yet and inform them of their plan.

Emma leans sideways in her saddle and kisses Killian's shoulder, freezing a little because she had rested her hand on his chest and his open collar and bare skin underneath came much too close to her fingers for comfort.

"I'm alright", Killian tells her and brushes his fingers through her hair before she slides off her horse and waves him goodbye, mouthing "I love you" as he disappears through the castle gate.

Tea with her parents is a sordid affair, and Emma escapes to her room as soon as it's appropriate, asking the cook to send up a plate with dinner so she doesn't have to listen to her mother count all the reasons why she should stop seeing Killian.

The night falls, and Emma gets a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach because she had expected Killian to come see her before she goes to bed, but there's not even a word from him.

She remembers her hand resting on his chest above his heart, and cold panic grips her because they don't really know how the curse works and how long it would take for him to die if she touches him.

Emma rushes out of her room and through the castle, not even bothering with the saddle and flying through the forest toward Killian's cabin, her heart beating so hard she can't hear anything else.

She had never been the praying kind, but she's doing it now, repeating "please" in her mind over and over again until she reaches Killian's door and knocks for good five minutes until she realizes it's unlocked.

"Killian? Are you here?"

There's a candle burning in the kitchen and Emma carries it toward Killian's bedroom, bursting inside to find him tangled in damp sheets; his eyes are closed and he doesn't acknowledge her presence in any way, but somehow she manages to hold onto sanity and goes to get a bowl of water and a towel she carefully wets and places on his burning forehead.

Emma tries not to think about anything at all as she cools his body, sliding the towel down his arms and over his chest, infinitely careful not to touch him even though she's screaming internally because she must've touched him already, and now she's going to have to watch him die.

She killed the love of her life and it's just a matter of time before he stops breathing, but she can't make herself go looking for help because she can't bear the thought of leaving him alone.

Emma bargains with God, promising never to see Killian again if he can just live through this.

"Swan", he starts muttering her name a few hours later, over and over again, but his temperature seems to be coming down, and Emma drops down on a chair next to his bed, her legs unable to hold her up any longer.

"I'm here", she tells him, feeling drained and defeated and so very tired, but she doesn't even dare close her eyes until the first light of dawn fills the room and he finally opens his.

"Love... What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? Making sure you don't die you stupid-", Emma yells, her voice breaking and a sob tearing from her throat, relief flooding her when she realizes that she hadn't touched him after all, and whatever was ailing him had nothing to do with their curse.

"Swan, it was just a fever, it happens to me once in a while ever since...", he trails off and glances at his stump, both of them realizing that this is the first time she's seeing it in the light of day.

She could care less about it, and she tells him so.

"I can't live like this", she says and gets up from the chair on shaky legs, walking backwards to the door as he looks at her with panic rising in his eyes.

"Swan, no, please, I'm fine. You didn't touch me, we were careful-"

"You're right. I didn't touch you. This time", Emma says and finds the knob, swallowing her tears and forcing herself to stay calm. "I'm not risking your life, Killian. I love you too much to do that."

"Emma, please wait", he says, his voice breaking as he disentangles himself from the sheets and sits on the edge of his bed, swaying a little because he's still weak from the night he's had.

"I'm sorry, Killian. My parents were right. We can't keep seeing each other."

"Love, don't-"

"I can't risk it", Emma says and runs from his room and from his cabin, feeling awful for leaving him without at least bringing him something to eat, but tonight has been the scariest night of her life and no matter how much she needs him, she needs to make sure he's safe more.

She needs to make sure that he lives a long, happy life, and he can't do that as long as she's there, holding him back and threatening him with every move she makes, no matter how innocent it is.

He's better off without her.

* * *

**Review?**


	15. Hardships

**Thank you for all the feedback, and without further ado, enjoy the angst. Warning: here be character deaths.  
**

* * *

Emma is so lost in her own head that she doesn't even notice the smoke rising from the castle until she's almost in the courtyard. Everything slows down and she feels like she's moving through water as she slides off Tornado's back and runs into the Great Hall to find her parents dressed in their royal clothes, lying on a hearse side by side.

The servants are standing guard around them and Emma pushes through roughly, her eyes wide and her heart stuttering in her chest because this has to be some kind of a trick, this can't really be happening; she had only been gone for six hours.

"Daddy?" Emma whispers and leans over her father, her hand resting on her mother's stomach, a sob tearing itself from her throat when she realizes that neither of them is breathing. "Mommy, please, wake up."

The servants are looking at her, but none of them dare approach her as she lies her head on her father's chest and closes her eyes, wishing she had stayed here last night; she might've stopped whatever happened from happening, or she would've perished with her parents.

Either way, it would be better than the fate that befell her now.

Her parents are gone, and she's left all alone in the world.

Emma climbs on the hearse and hugs her father, looking at her mother's beautiful, peaceful face, tears rolling down her cheeks slowly but steadily even though she had thought she cried them all out over Killian already.

"I'm sorry I was stubborn", she whispers to her mother, her fingers sifting through Snow's silky hair. "You were right about me and Killian. You were right about everything."

"Princess Emma", the housekeeper addresses her softly but Emma doesn't even turn her head to look at her.

She doesn't want to think about her duties, she doesn't want to think about organizing a funeral or the fact that with her parents gone, she's going to be a Queen; all she wants to do is lie here and pretend that she's not an orphan.

"Princess Emma, we need to-"

"Leave her be", Killian says and Emma's face crumples, his voice like a soothing balm on the open wound of her heart. "Close off the burned wing of the castle and start preparing for the funeral; there's going to be a lot of people coming to pay their respects."

Emma closes her eyes and tries to hold the sobs inside her at least until the servants clear the hall.

"Love, I am so sorry", Killian whispers and brushes her tangled hair away from her face, and everything crushes down upon her at once.

Her parents are dead.

If she touches Killian, he's going to die too.

She's going to be crowned a Queen.

Emma curls into a ball and lets all her misery go, sobbing so loudly she can barely hear Killian's comforting words; she wants him to take her in his arms and just hold her, but even that simple wish can't be fulfilled.

"Shhhh, I'm here", he murmurs and keeps caressing her back, telling her that everything will be alright and that she's not alone over and over again until she makes herself believe in his lies.

When she finally turns to face him, he brushes away the last of her tears with his fake hand and rests his real one on her waist, careful not to touch her arm.

"Can you stand? We have to get you to bed", he says and Emma shrugs, feeling drained and barely managing to keep her eyes opened.

"I don't know", she finally says and watches in stunned disbelief as Killian tugs on the drapes until they fall into his arms, then returns to her side and wraps them around her until only her nose and eyes are peeking out.

"I've got you, love", he tells her and picks her up, the drapes protecting him from her noxious touch as he carries her up the stairs and down a long hallway to one of the spare bedrooms.

If she wasn't so tired, Emma wouldn't let him do what he's doing, she would tell him it's too dangerous, she would tell him that she can walk, but she's falling apart at the seams and it feels like his arms are the only things holding her together.

Killian opens the door with his foot and lies her down on top of the covers, then gently removes the drapes from around her so she can find a comfortable position on the bed.

"Why do horrible things keep happening to me?" Emma asks, scooting back when he sits against the headboard and stares at the ceiling for a long minute before talking.

"I wish I had the answers, love. I wish I could shelter you from all this pain, or at least take it from you... It appears that it's just your fate and mine to end up hurting", he says and ducks his head until she looks up at him, his fingers caressing her shoulder before he taps his lap and invites her to rest her weary head upon his thigh.

Emma does as he asks and falls asleep quickly, calmed by his steady voice and the play of his fingers through her hair.

* * *

Queen to be Emma sleepwalks through the next week, supported and carried by Killian's presence as she receives countless royals and accepts their condolences. If they find something strange about a Navy Lieutenant never leaving her side, they don't comment on it, but Emma could care less even if they did.

She swallows her tears and holds her head high, becoming the princess her mother had always wanted her to be, and it hurts so much that Snow isn't there to see Emma conduct herself like a true ruler.

Killian seems to think that what Emma had said about not being able to live like this doesn't apply anymore, and she doesn't set him straight because she needs him too much, but it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth and she wishes she could be strong enough to make the clean cut. She's already planning how she's going to send him sailing to distant Kingdoms on royal business just to keep him away from her toxic fingers, and it's breaking her heart because he's completely oblivious, content to be next to her and help her in any way he can.

She hates herself and she hates the circumstances that are forcing them apart, but she'd rather have him alive and well far away from her than see him every day and risk killing him.

With so many people in the castle, Killian refuses to even go near Emma's new bedroom lest the rumours spread about their relationship, and it would make her laugh if it wasn't so heartbreaking.

Killian can't do anything to ruin her good reputation, but if anybody saw him coming out of her bedroom, there would be a scandal, and even though it's hard to fall asleep without him, Emma loves him for thinking ahead and worrying about things she should care about, but doesn't.

She doesn't care about anything anymore.

* * *

Two weeks after the funeral, Emma gets crowned a Queen, and her eyes find Killian's in the crowd easily, drawn to his warmth and the love she can see in his gentle smile.

He is so proud of her and for a moment she lets herself pretend that they belong to each other and that she hadn't already decided to send him away.

The weight of the crown feels to heavy, but Emma bears it dutifully, and later she sits at the main table all alone, missing her parents more than she had ever missed anything in her entire life.

People come to talk to her in respectful tones, and she watches them move gracefully on the dance floor, but none of it touches her, none of it makes her feel connected to them the way her parents always were to their subjects.

She's like a block of ice, and nothing can thaw her frozen heart until Killian separates himself from the crowd and boldly asks her if she'd like to dance.

Since Emma is wearing gloves and Killian's Navy uniform is buttoned up properly, she gives him a small smile and lets him lead her out on the floor.

"You are a marvel, my Queen", he says softly as he wraps his arm around her waist and offers her his fake hand.

"Don't call me that", she says, tears burning in her throat because this is their last dance and he doesn't even know it. "I'm your Swan."

"And you always will be", he tells her and they start moving as one, spinning around the ballroom until it feels like they are alone, all the people around them just a blur of rainbow colours they don't pay any attention to.

Once the waltz ends, Killian brings her hand to his lips and kisses the back of it, and she can feel his warmth even through the material of her glove, reminding her that they are playing with fire and she has to be the one to put an end to it.

"May we speak in private?" She asks and the look in his eyes tells her that she hadn't been fooling him after all.

"As you wish", he says and offers her his arm, the two of them walking out of the ballroom without even attempting to hide.

There's snow falling outside but Emma doesn't even notice the cold until Killian shrugs off his jacket and drapes it around her shoulders.

"Please don't say what I think you're going to say", he whispers and she turns her back on him, her heart breaking because she doesn't see another way of keeping him safe aside from sending him away.

"We can't see each other anymore."

"Swan, please-"

Emma turns around and he closes his mouth, a muscle jumping in his jaw as he waits for her to deliver the final blow.

"I'm going to make you a Captain and give you command of a ship, and you're going to sail on royal business and send me reports, but you're never to set foot into this castle again", Emma tells him, her voice like ice because it's the only way she can say what needs to be said.

"And if I refuse?"

"Then I'm going to banish you from this land and you can go back to being a blacksmith in some other Kingdom."

"You wouldn't do that to me."

"I would do anything to keep you safe", Emma tells him and he looks at her like he doesn't even know her anymore.

"What happened to our plans? What happened to the dream of sailing away together and finding a cure for our curse?" He asks her, his hand taking hers and their fingers entwining before she even realizes what's happening.

It's always her first instinct to reach for him and it's precisely the reason she can't be around him.

"I'm a Queen now, Killian. I can't abandon my people for the sake of a quest that's never going to be successful."

"You don't know what's going to happen", he says and rests his fake hand on her side, her resolve on the verge of crumbling because he's got the most honest eyes and she loves him more than anything, more than her Kingdom and her people. "All I'm asking is for you to believe in us, and at least give us a chance to try finding a cure."

"I'm sorry, Killian. I love you, but I have a duty to my country... I have to honour the memory of my parents."

"No, Swan. That's not it, and we both know it. You're afraid and you're going to let that fear rule you", Killian says, and he looks so disappointed in her that it would make her cry if she hadn't sworn never to cry again.

"Of course I'm afraid! I could kill you so easily, and I've lost enough already. I can't lose you too, Killian, so I beg you, take the ship and take the title, and... and go be happy with somebody else."

He hands are shaking when she slides the engagement ring from her finger and presses it into Killian's palm, closing his fist around it and feeling like she's losing the most important part of herself.

Her very soul.

"Are you going to be happy with somebody else?" He asks her, their eyes meeting, and whatever he reads in hers tells him all he needs to know.

Killian nudges her hand with his fake one and lifts it to his lips, kissing the back of it, then telling her he loves her one more time before pulling away, his empty glove slipping through her fingers, her heart falling on the floor and breaking into a million pieces.

"Keep the jacket, you Majesty. I won't have any use for it anymore."

"What do you mean?" She asks fearfully, watching him walk toward the door leading off the balcony and trying to stop her feet from racing after him.

"I resign", he says without turning around, and then he's gone, leaving her shaking in his jacket and trying to remember how to breathe again.

For the first time in her life, she's truly and completely alone.

* * *

**Review?**


	16. There's Always Hope

**I did warn you this fic would hurt, did I not? Have some more angst. Don't worry, Killian comes back next chapter with a way to break the curse.** **P.S. Just to clarify, Emma's parents died from smoke inhalation because of the fire.  
**

* * *

Emma tells herself it's for the best.

Killian vanishes without a trace, both his cabin and his shop abandoned, the ship she had wanted to give him the command of stolen, and she tells herself it's for the best.

There's guests to be entertained and connections with other Kingdoms to be strengthened, and her advisors keep her busy for most of the day, so it's only when she lies in bed at night that she's got time to think about Killian.

She lies his Lieutenant's jacket next to her and closes her eyes, and she tells herself that someday she's going to be okay.

Someday she's going to make peace with the fact that she's never going to see Killian's face again.

* * *

It's only once the guests leave that Emma allows herself to fall apart. She closes herself in her room and she stays in bed, grieving her parents, grieving Killian and grieving the bleak future that stretches ahead of her.

Rapunzel storms into her bedroom a week later, opening the curtains wide, the weak January sun filling the room and making Emma squint up at her before she pulls the covers over her head.

"Oh no you don't!" Rapunzel says sternly and wrestles the covers from Emma's hands.

"Give it back!"

"No", Rapunzel says curtly and sits on the bed next to Emma, looking stubborn and determined. "I am truly sorry, Ems, but you need to get up and face the world."

"Easy for you to say. What are you even doing here?" Emma asks and a shadow passes over Rapunzel's face, Emma's resolve slowly crumbling.

"I couldn't make it to the funeral and coronation in time, but I couldn't leave you to deal with all this on your own", Rapunzel says and Emma sits up against the headboard, surreptitiously slipping Killian's jacket under the covers. "What happened with Killian?"

"I don't want to talk about it", Emma says and bites the inside of her mouth to stop her face from crumbling. "He's gone and he's not coming back."

"I don't understand. Your last letter said you would try to live with the curse-"

"It was too dangerous", Emma cuts her off, her voice breaking and tears springing to her eyes; she feels raw and weak and she hates it.

"I can't believe he just left", Rapunzel says and wraps her arm around Emma, offering her a wrinkled handkerchief.

"He left because I made him", Emma says and buries her face in her friend's shoulder, wishing she could just sleep and wake up once it stops hurting so much. "I threatened to take his rank if he didn't sail away so he left the Navy and now I don't even know where he is."

"I'm sorry", Rapunzel says softly and rocks her gently as Emma cries, and even though she's quiet, her presence makes it a little easier to breathe.

* * *

Emma takes a long bath and gets dressed so that she can have lunch with Rapunzel in the dining room, and it takes her only a few minutes to realize that her friend looks as devastated as Emma feels.

"Zee? What's wrong with you?"

"It's nothing."

"Is it Flynn?" Emma asks again and Rapunzel carefully sets down her fork before she looks at Emma and tells her that Flynn was forced to leave her Kingdom.

"Forced by whom?"

"My father. He keeps saying he won't stop until he catches him, and every single member of his guard is looking for him, so Flynn had to leave. He came to me before he left, risking everything just to see me, and when he asked me to come with him I said I couldn't. I missed my chance to be happy, Emma, and I can't go back because I don't even know where he is", Rapunzel tells her and Emma closes her eyes because her friend had made the same choice Emma did even without the curse standing in her way.

They were more alike than Emma had ever known.

"Maybe he knows you're here... he might come visit you", Emma says hopefully, trying to comfort her friend as best as she can even though she'd learned a long time ago that happiness rarely comes, and when it does, it's always short-lived.

"If he comes, I'm going to run away with him and never look back", Rapunzel says firmly and Emma makes herself give her an encouraging smile, wishing she could say the same.

If Killian came back, nothing would be different, and she'd be forced to do something radical to keep him at a safe distance, and so she hopes he doesn't.

For both their sakes.

* * *

Flynn doesn't show up and eventually Rapunzel goes back home while Emma focuses her attention on ruling her Kingdom. Weeks melt into months and the summer comes again, the lake calling to her, but Emma can't bring herself to go there on her own.

She hadn't gone since Killian had left.

There's whispers of a band of pirates attacking Navy ships, led by a fierce Captain with a hook for his hand, but since they stay well away from Emma's ships, she can't know for certain if her suspicion is correct.

But then again, a band of pirates attacking everybody but Emma's ships is a clue in itself.

Eye witness report vary; some say the Captain is incredibly tall, some that he's of average height, some put the hook on his left arm, and some on the right, but most of them agree that he's grim but honourable, and Emma asks for regular updates on his whereabouts even though guilt keeps gnawing at her insides the more news she gets.

After a while, there's no doubt in her mind that the pirate Captain is actually Killian, and that she was the one who drove him to piracy, the one who made him become what he'd always hated.

Her brave Lieutenant had become a fearsome pirate, and even though she never saw that coming, even though she had only tried to keep him safe, she can't help wondering if she could've handled all this differently.

Maybe she could've saved him without damning him too.

* * *

Emma's advisors are pushing her to get married. She gets mad, but she tells them in an eerily calm voice that she's still grieving for her parents and a wedding is the last thing on her mind, but they are determined and in time they manage to convince her that the Kingdom is vulnerable as long as she hasn't produced an heir to the throne.

Emma is a Queen now, but nothing has changed, and she finds herself planning yet another ball with a goal of finding a suitable husband, only this time she doesn't hope for love, she doesn't hope for anything but an agreeable man who might father her child.

In a reverse version of the stories she'd listened to as a child, the invitations are sent out all around the realm to eligible Kings and Princes, and Emma can do nothing but bind her time until the ball.

It's the most painful version of a déjà vu and the pull to the lake is too strong, impossible to resist.

Still, she's a Queen now, and she can't go frolicking through the forest on her own, so she takes a dozen guards and lets her broken heart guide her to a place where she was happy once; she rides her horse through the forest at breakneck speed, tears she refuses to shed prickling her eyes all the way there.

The guards stay with her horse, and she forbids them from coming after her because she doesn't want anybody to disturb the lake that used to belong only to her and Killian.

Everything looks the same, the lake and the forest and the wild flowers, but nothing is the same anymore.

She's not the same anymore.

Emma sits on the fallen tree and stares at the water, remembering Killian sitting by her side, remembering their swordfights and the kisses she'd steal from him, the kisses he gladly took back from her after the ball, in that brief period of time when they felt like they were at the top of the world.

History seems to be repeating itself, only this time, her love won't come home to her, won't sail a grand ship with white sails and anchor it at the harbour before he rides to her, emerging from the trees and taking her in his arms.

Everybody says that time dulls the pain, but Emma misses Killian more every day, just like she misses her parents.

She had forgotten the slant of her mother's smile and the sound of her father's laugh, she can't recall the exact colour of Killian's eyes and the gentleness with which his hand would caress her body, and somehow, the only thing that remains is his scent, like ocean and the forest and him, and it assaults her when she least expect it, freezing her in place; she closes her eyes and it almost feels like his arms are around her again.

The curse is never far from her mind, and she tells herself that keeping Killian alive is worth it even if she never sees him again.

Emma spends the afternoon at the lake, and she's hesitant to leave it, walking around the fallen tree with her head down, and it's the only reason she notices something in its hollow bark.

She stops, she stares, she drops on her knees and sticks her arm inside until she reaches a piece of paper that's probably been in there for quite some time, judging by its frail quality, her heart hammering against her ribcage as she lays it on the fallen tree and stares at it; she's dying to know what's inside, but she's afraid to open it.

Maybe Killian had left it for her before he left, maybe he'd left it ages ago and she just never thought to look; it might be just a quick scribble left for her just in case they missed each other, but either way, there's no doubt in her mind that Killian had written it, and that it was always meant for her.

Just for her.

Emma unfolds the piece of paper with utmost care because it's been exposed to the elements for a long time, judging by its crumpled look, and even though the ink is runny in places, there's no mistaking Killian's untidy scrawl she'd come to love in those long months he'd been sailing on her father's ship back when they were still happy and hopeful.

The date on the letter is the date of her coronation, and she gets too choked up breathe, her eyes too blurry with tears for her to be able to read it just yet.

Emma wipes her eyes and focuses on the words he'd painstakingly written and the lump in her throat only gets bigger with every sentence she finishes reading.

He tells her he loves her.

He tells her that he will find a cure for their curse or die trying.

He tells her that he's sorry for taking her ship but he had to do it so he can sail the corners of the realm and come back to her as soon as it's possible.

Emma covers her mouth with her hand to choke a sob because somehow knowing what he'd meant to do and how far he was willing to go to accomplish it hurts her more than thinking he had just given up on them.

She had thought the worst of him, and as always, all he did was for her, for them, for the love that can't be extinguished by either distance or circumstances.

Emma still loves him as fiercely as she ever did, and even though it's wrong, she hopes he still loves her too, she hopes he's still searching, she hopes he won't give up on her even if she had given up on him.

There's a spring in Emma's step as she walks away from the lake, but as soon as she sees her guards she remembers her duties and she remembers the ball, remembers that Killian doesn't have all that long to find a way to save her from a loveless marriage, and even though the situation seems desperate, for some reason, she feels at peace.

There's some deeply rooted instinct telling her that he's already on her way home, and even though it's irrational to do so, she decides to trust it.

Emma stores the letter in her corset, keeping it close to her heart, and lets Tornado take them back to the castle.

* * *

**Review?**


	17. Teach Me How to be Brave

**A little reprieve from the angst, but it will not last long. Thank you for reading, and enjoy!**

* * *

It's been only a year since Killian Jones had left his princess crowned queen on the balcony of her castle and set out into the world to find a cure for their curse.

It feels like it's been a decade when he finally moors his ship as close to the castle as he dares approach, ignoring the way his band of pirates grumble after he instructs them to lower the flag; his ship isn't known in these parts of the realm because he had studiously avoided Emma's ships, but you can never be too careful.

After sailing so many sees and doing so many bad things in the name of love, it would not do to get caught so close to his goal.

He had found a way to lift their curse, and all he needs to do now is get his Swan and convince her to come with him.

"Mr. Smee!" He bellows and his first officer presents himself quickly, nodding eagerly when Killian tells him that he's leaving the ship in his hands. "I should return by morning, or tomorrow night at the latest. Do not leave unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Yes, Captain", Smee agrees and Killian orders for the boat to be lowered, then rows to the shore and hides it beneath a stack of branches he had cut off the trees lining the beach.

His left arm is throbbing because he had to overcompensate for his lack of hand and the awkwardness of the hook, but he ignores the pain and sets off through the forest in the direction of the castle.

There's a long way he needs to go before nightfall, but his step is as light as his heart because at the end of the trail, his Queen awaits.

He'd heard rumours about a ball meant to help her pick a husband, and he hopes he won't be too late.

* * *

Emma stares at herself in the full length mirror and smoothes the heavy silk of her ball gown, practicing a smile for a few minutes and only leaving her room when she's satisfied she can pull it off.

Tonight she has to be her most charming self, but even as she's walking into the ballroom and all the heads turn her way, she already wishes for this evening to be over.

Her table is arranged in front of a picture window and sitting around it are all her suitors who jump to their feet and bow at her with various degrees of grace; everything about this feels wrong to her, but since she knows she doesn't have a choice, she holds her head high and nods to them as she passes, pulling out her chair on her own because the King on her left and a Prince on her right can't seem to agree which one of them is going to do it for her.

They apologize profusely, then clamour for her attention while the rest of the men around her glare at them.

As soon as the first notes of the waltz fill the air King Richard stands up and bows to her, asking her for the dance and not giving her much choice in the matter.

The rest of the men lead the ladies standing around the ballroom to the dance floor and then Emma is passed from one pair of arms to the next until everything grows a little blurry; she realizes that the last time she was dancing here was with Killian on the day of her coronation, and when she looks over the shoulder of her current partner she could swear that her sailor turned pirate is standing at the door leading out into the garden.

Emma's partner says something she doesn't hear above the music and the murmur of the crowd but she doesn't ask him to repeat himself, wiggling out of his arms instead and cutting across the dance floor on the way to get some fresh air.

She knows Killian is off marauding somewhere, that it was just déjà vu or wishful thinking that had conjured him here, but the need to make sure is too strong to resist.

The crowd parts for her and no one follows her when she enters the garden, walking along the winding path lit by torches and feeling her heart sink with every step.

"Good evening, your Majesty", somebody says from behind her and she ceases, standing frozen and waiting for proof that this isn't just a figment of her imagination, that the lilting accent and the smooth voice really do belong to Killian.

The silence stretches and Emma stands motionless, trembling even though the summer air is warm, still refusing to turn around.

"Swan", Killian says, and she whirls around, finding him standing in the middle of the stone path, the light of the torch casting half of his face in shadow.

Nobody had called her Swan but him in a long, long time.

"You came back", she whispers, her hand reaching out for him and freezing in midair when she remembers the curse that had driven them apart almost a year ago.

"I found a way", he tells her, the hook at the end of his left arm catching her wrist and stopping her from pulling away. "I found a way, love, but you have to come with me."

"Come where?" Emma asks, staring at him as he moves closer and brushes his fingers through her hair, her eyes drifting closed as she inhales his scent and tries to stay upright.

In that moment, nothing in the world matters except that he came back.

"Does it matter?" Killian whispers and she opens her eyes, finally meeting the blue in his and realizing that indeed it does not.

"You shouldn't be here... There's a lot of foreigners visiting and they might recognize you", Emma says urgently and his mouth quirks into an amused smile.

"What if they do? Is the Queen going to allow them to apprehend me?"

"The Queen wants you to stay safe", Emma says and rests her hand on his waist underneath the long black leather coat he's wearing.

She studies his face and finds new lines on it, evidence of the year he's had chasing their salvation, but if anything, they just make him more beautiful in her eyes, and she bites her lip because she wants to kiss every inch of his body and show him that he's still loved.

He'd always been loved.

"The Queen shouldn't worry", he says and she gives him a small, pointed smile before speaking.

"The Queen can't help it."

"Will you come with me?" He asks her, and he's suddenly so close his breath is fanning her cheek and she flinches back, panic flooding her again, the night when she had almost lost him coming back to haunt her.

"I'm sorry, Killian. I can't-"

"Look at me, Swan", he cuts her off and steps closer again, then lifts her chin with the dull edge of his hook when she keeps staring at her feet. "Some people are born happy. They don't have to do anything in their lives to make sure they keep their good luck, and they die of old age in their beds never realizing how blessed they were because they never experience pain and sadness."

Emma is enthralled by his voice, the hope shining in his eyes and the way he gently brushes the curve of his hook against her cheek; he transforms a weapon into something that caresses and comforts and_ loves_, and what he's saying takes root in her heart and helps hope she had lost spring anew.

"You and me, Swan, we're the lucky ones. We knew pain and sorrow, but we also knew joy, and now it's up to us to find our way to happiness. I know it's dangerous, and I know you're afraid, but I also know you're the bravest person I've ever met, so all you need to do is trust me. Can you do that, love? Can you trust me when I say that everything will be alright?"

"Yes, but-"

"Swan-"

"Killian, just listen, please", she cuts him off and takes a deep breath to gather her thoughts. "I've changed since you left."

"No you didn't", Killian says calmly and talks over her when she tries to argue. "Nobody ever changes, Swan. They harden, and they seem different, but in their core, people don't change. I know who you are, and I love who you are."

"I'm still a Queen, Killian. I can't just run away and leave everything behind. What's going to happen to my kingdom if I do?"

"And here we are at exactly the same place as the night of your coronation", Killian says and pulls away from her, his coat twirling around him when he turns his back on her and stares at the ballroom through the trees.

"I'm sorry about what I said that night", she whispers and he shakes his head, turning to look at her with eyes that suddenly look too old for his age.

"I don't think you are, your Majesty", he says, her title like a curse on his tongue. "I think you would do it all the same... in fact, you are doing it tonight."

"You don't understand-"

"No, Swan! You're the one who doesn't understand, you're the one hiding behind walls because you think you'll hurt less that way, but we both know you're just making yourself even more miserable!" He tells her, his voice rising in desperation as she stares at him completely stunned.

"I don't know what you want from me!"

"I want you to take a bloody leap of faith!" He yells, his eyes boring into hers and willing her to give in. "I want you to come with me so that we can get rid of this curse and finally be together."

"But-"

"I just want to be able to touch you again, Swan", he whispers, his voice cracking and her resolve does too. "I want to spend all my days with you and I want you to be happy. Please let me make you happy."

"This quest you want us to go on... it could kill you", she tells him, still stubborn even though not so deep down inside she wants him to convince her. "I could kill you, and where would I find happiness then?"

"You won't kill me", he says with incredible conviction and she wants to believe him more than anything, but the risk is too great to take.

"You don't know that."

"I do know", he tells her and Emma shakes her head, pulling back and entwining her fingers behind her back to keep herself from reaching for him in any way.

"You can't know."

"Bloody Hell, Swan. Can't you just believe in us? Can't you believe in true love?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Do you love me?"

"Killian?"

"Just answer the question", he demands, and her expression softens because her love is something she can't hide.

Not from him.

"I do love you."

"And I love you, so I have to believe that we are going to be alright. If you can't believe that, Swan, believe in me. I can believe for both of us", he says and the last ounce of Emma's resolve crumbles, her hands reaching for the lapels of his coat and holding fast.

They stand in silence for a while, faces close together, breath mingling and noses almost touching, and Emma lets herself believes in Killian, in her pirate and blacksmith and Lieutenant, in her love.

"Okay", she finally whispers and quickly steps back, putting safe distance between them.

Killian's smile is the most beautiful thing in the world, all dimples and bright eyes that take her breath away.

"You're coming?"

"I am."

"When?"

"I have to go back inside, talk to my advisors", Emma says and his face falls a little, but then he schools his expression and tells her that he's going to wait for her at the cabin.

"You have to come tonight, love. My crew is loyal, but only to a point. If we're not there by tomorrow, they will sail away without me", he tells her and Emma gives him an impish smile, her hand reaching out to hold his hook because it's the only point of contact between them that's safe.

Relatively speaking.

"I'll be at the cabin before dawn", Emma tells him and he nods, twirls a lock of her hair around his index finger and steps around her carefully.

"I will wait", he says and Emma watches him melt into the shadows of the garden, standing there for only a moment after he disappears before she picks up her skirts and goes back inside.

There's a lot she needs to do, and the night won't last all that long.

* * *

**Review?**


	18. A Rocky Start

**Have some more angst, and a kiss.** **Thank you for all the feedback, and enjoy!**

* * *

Killian sits in his cabin and waits. Time passes, he paces in front of the fireplace, then returns to the dusty armchair again and stares at the ceiling.

It's been a year and his cabin is falling apart, but it will do for tonight because his princess, no, his queen, must already be on her way.

Seeing her again was the most excruciating mixture of pleasure and pain he'd ever experienced for more reasons than one; he'd arrived early, and he had spent hours watching her dance with men that looked at her with adoration, who held her the way she's meant to be held and glided with her around the dance floor the way Killian used to do.

Their little garden rendezvouz was even worse, because she was finally so close, finally within his grasp, and he couldn't touch her the way he wanted to. He couldn't kiss her, and the dream of kissing her again someday was what had kept him sane for the past year.

Killian had expected her to put up a fight, but she gave in sooner and quicker than he thought she would, and now, hours later, he wonders if she had changed her mind, if his presence made her give a rash promise, one she would break and not come to him at all.

There was still a few hours to go before dawn, but if she went back on her word, that was alright too.

He would just have to go see her again tomorrow and make a better argument; until she tells him that she doesn't love him anymore and makes him believe it, he's not giving up on her.

He's not giving up on love.

Killian goes to the bedroom and takes off his hook, then lies down on top of the covers and tries to go to sleep.

* * *

Emma had every intention of going with Killian. She would never admit it to anybody, least of all him, but she had been dreaming about his return, her love coming home despite the dangers, despite all the odds stacked up against him.

And he did.

Killian found a way, and he came to get her so they could go on a quest together, and in those few confusing, wonderful, painful moments in his presence, Emma didn't listen to reason, didn't really consider the thing she was agreeing too.

She had given in and promised to leave her Kingdom for the sake of love, to abandon her people for God knows how long just so she could finally be with him.

Now, hours later, the dawn is breaking over the horizon, she had been sternly reminded of her duties and her dream is dead and gone; the worst part is that she had known all along that she can't possibly leave, not without risking everything her parents had left to her care.

Killian is waiting, and she wonders what he would do now that it's clear she's not coming. It hurts her to even entertain the possibility that he would leave and rejoin his pirates again, but he had told her that they wouldn't wait past tonight, and it would be suicide to attempt to enter the castle in broad daylight and try to change her mind.

The advisors look at her with guarded expressions as she promises them again that she would stay.

And yet, there's still a part of her soul that hopes Killian would come again.

She shouldn't, but she wants him to change her mind.

She wants him steal her away in the name of love, duty be damned.

If only she could shut up common sense that keeps telling her he will not come, because there's the amount of pain and rejection a man can take, and then there's what she had done to Killian.

Her pirate will sail away, and she doesn't doubt that every last part of him that was her loyal, honourable Lieutenant would be forever gone.

* * *

Emma sits in front of the mirror in her bedroom combing her hair. Her moves are automatic, and she doesn't really acknowledge her reflection as she wonders how much distance had Killian already put between them.

As if on cue, the door opens, and she doesn't have to wonder anymore because he's suddenly standing behind her, their eyes meeting in the mirror, her hand shaking a little when she sets her hairbrush down.

"You didn't come, so I thought it best to come fetch you myself", Killian says and leans against the post of her bed, calmly leveling her with his crystal clear gaze.

"And take me like the ship you've stolen from me?" Emma asks and turns around in her chair, her fingers entwining primly in her lap.

"A ship you had offered to me to command so I could get as far as possible from you. Remember?" He shoots back, his voice like a crack of a whip even if he still looks utterly relaxed.

"I had asked you to be a Captain in my Navy, not this", she says and waves her hand at all the leather he's wearing.

"If you're going to hold my crimes against me, love, at least call a spade a spade. I'm a pirate and I'm not ashamed of what I've became."

"You used to despise them, Killian, and now you're one of them", she says softly, trying to ignore the guilt that squeezes her chest.

"I realized that I was better off under my own law", he tells her stoically and Emma studies his expression carefully, and comes to the same conclusion she did when she had first seen him last night.

He hates what he'd become.

"So you ran away from your Queen", Emma says and rises from her chair, her dress swishing around her as she walks to the window and looks out at a beautiful sunset she doesn't care much about.

"I didn't run away from the Queen; I just couldn't bear being pushed away because the woman I loved decided to sacrifice everything for me without asking for my opinion."

"All I did was to protect you", Emma tells him and leans against the other post, her fingers wrapping around the worn wood.

"I didn't need your protection."

"I lost too much, and I just couldn't lose you", Emma tells Killian in an even, calm voice, her eyes barely managing to hold his for a second before she looks down at her slippers. "And yet I did."

"You did not", Killian says and she doesn't dare move when he takes her hand in his gloved one and wraps his hooked arm around her waist. "Dance with me."

"We can't-"

"Hush, lass. All this leather I'm wearing is bound to protect me", he tells her and her feet don't have a choice but to start moving, easily following his lead. "I left because the choice you've given me wasn't a choice at all."

"You've changed", Emma tells him, keeping her eyes on his to make sure their noses stay a safe distance away. "You're not the same man."

"You're not the same woman", he tells her and brings her hand to rest against his chest, his gloved thumb caressing her skin. "

I'm a Queen now", Emma tells him with a tired, sad smile, and resists the urge to rest her cheek on his shoulder. "And you're Hook."

"Quite fitting, don't you think?" He asks her and presses the base of the instrument he uses in place of a hand he's missing more firmly against the small of her back.

"Nobody calls me by my name anymore."

"Except me", Emma whispers, and he gives her a smile that would melt glaciers.

"You're the only one who still does", he tells her, and it's oddly comforting to learn that. "Never shall my name sound sweeter spoken by somebody other than you."

Emma bites her lip and tries to pull away, but his arm stay firmly wrapped around her waist even as he releases her hand and tugs off his glove with his teeth so that he can comb his fingers through her hair.

He barely even winces when it burns him.

"If you don't want to come with me, Emma", he says, his accent wrapping around her name tenderly, "then there's just one thing you can do to end my torment… kiss me."

For almost a minute, Emma can't speak, just stands there in the prison of his arm and looks at him in horror.

"You're crazy."

This time when she tries to pull away, he lets her.

"Well, apparently you do want to come", he says, his laugh echoing hollowly around the room. "What's stopping you, then?"

"I'm tired, Killian, and I would like to sleep", Emma tells him even though they both know that's not the answer.

"I'm tired too", he whispers and gently lays his hand on her waist. "I haven't slept a full night since I sailed away."

"We are cursed, Killian", Emma says and pushes at his chest until he releases her. "You can't be here and you can't keep touching me."

Killian reaches out and closes his fist around a thick strand of her hair, his forget-me-not eyes never straying from hers.

"If I can touch you like this, if I can take the pain that goes with it, it's because I don't let the curse get to me, and it's precisely what you need to do; you need to stop letting it affect our lives."

"But you could die!"

"I could, but I could also love you, and eventually I could hold you and kiss you and make love to you if you would only come with me", Killian says, and Emma sways a little where she stands because the picture of their future he's painting is too beautiful to bear when she knows how much they would risk if she agrees to come. "But if you will not, please end this, because I'm not going back to my ship and living half a life without you."

Emma is silent, and Killian sighs, then releases her and takes off his hook, discarding it carelessly at the foot of her bed next to his glove.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to die as a man you fell in love with, a blacksmith with just one hand who thought he would never see Sun again until you hid yourself in his shop", he tells her and Emma can't believe her ears, her heart slamming against her ribcage because he'd gone completely insane and she'd never been more scared in her life.

"Stop", she gasps and takes three long steps backward, her hand grasping the opposite wrist behind her back. "You can't touch me."

"Why can't I?"

"I never thought you'd resort to blackmail", Emma tries another tactic and his face closes, a storm brewing in his eyes at the accusation.

"I never thought you were a coward."

Emma sinks down on her bed and doesn't say anything.

"I'm just asking you to believe me", Killian says in a softer voice and kneels next to her, his eyes earnest and so very sad when they meet hers. "Please, my darling Swan, just believe me."

He reaches for her hand but then remembers his discarded glove and pulls his hand back, his head ducking as he takes a deep breath and tries to control his emotions.

Emma is tempted to lay her hand on his shoulder, but she doesn't dare encourage him because he's close to breaking down her defenses as it is.

"I used to wish for many things", he whispers, and Emma leans toward him unconsciously, wanting to hear every word he says. "First I wished to be a Captain, then I wished to be put out of my misery, then I met you and wished I had two hands to hold you with, then a rank so that I could marry you, I wished and I wished until the curse... Now I only wish to touch you again, and all you need to do to grant that wish is come with me."

Emma is too choked to speak because she can feel her walls crumbling to dust as she finally admits to herself that it's not her people that are keeping her here; it's the fear of the unknown.

Her right hand reaches for the hook and her left takes his arm, and as she clicks the hook into place Killian looks up and reads her decision in her eyes.

"Don't give up on me, Killian."

"Never", he says firmly, and Emma's lips finally stretch into a smile. "Let me save us, let me save you."

She hesitates, fighting with herself a minute longer before she reaches for the scarf hanging around his neck, infinitely careful not to touch him when she pulls it loose and holds it in both hands.

"What are you doing?" Killian asks, his eyes big and innocent-looking despite everything he'd done and that's been done to him; he still trusts her with his life.

He doesn't move an inch when she holds the scarf to his face and then covers his lips with hers, her eyes drifting closed as she focuses on the kiss, on the way he smells and the way his fingers curve around her hip, their noses brushing together through the scarf, their mouths molding and heat building between them even though they aren't really touching.

Emma feels this kiss all the way down to her soul, and she knows that there's no coming back from it, there's no leaving his side until either the curse is broken, or she is.

There's no life without him, one way, or the other.

When they finally separate, they are both breathing heavily, but there's no need for words anyway.

Killian gets to his feet and offers her his hook to help her stand, her fingers curling around the cool metal lovingly before she lets him go and reaches for his glove, holding it gingerly to help him put it back on.

Emma changes into a pair of leather pants and a coat, puts on her own gloves, stuffs her pockets with a few of her diamond necklaces and fastens the scabbard with the sword Killian had made for her a lifetime ago to her waist, and then she's ready to go.

Killian takes her hand in his and they sneak out of the castle, disappearing into the forest just as the moon rises over the treetops to light their way.

* * *

**Review?**


	19. The Queen and the Pirates

**Thank you for reading, and without further ado, a new chapter, and one a bit less angsty than the rest.**

* * *

Emma follows Killian through the forest silently, still not quite sure that all this isn't just a dream her broken heart had inflicted upon her.

Killian turns to look at her over his shoulder and holds away a branch with his hook so it doesn't hit her face, and Emma can't help a returning smile pulling at her lips despite all the doubts that are still gnawing at her stomach.

"Everything will be alright, love", he tells her, his voice low and soothing when she passes by him, his hand hovering at her back but not touching her at all.

The narrow trail widens and they walk side by side for a while, each lost in their own thoughts, the forest around them dark and peaceful.

"You said that your crew would not wait past tonight", Emma murmurs a while later and turns her head to see Killian schooling his grim expression in a look of careless disinterest.

"I did", he says and shoots her a relaxed grin that doesn't fool her at all.

"And you're not worried that they might be gone by the time we reach the shore?" Emma asks him and stumbles a little over a root she hadn't noticed, gasping when Killian's hand shoots out and steadies her.

She can feel his warmth even through her shirt and jacket, but she doesn't pause when he does and his fingers whisper down her arm, slipping through her gloved ones as she moves forward; it's a hard battle to ignore the urge to hold on.

"My crew and my ship are going to be there, or they won't, and worrying about it now won't help either of us at all", Killian says when he falls into step with her again.

"Do you have some sort of an alternative plan? I assume we are going to have to travel far to find the cure", Emma says, acutely aware how dejected she sounds.

"If the Jolly is gone, I'll just steal us another ship", Killian tells her with a wink and she marvels at the change in him; he appears much more jovial and less serious than before, but at the same time wiser and sadder than he used to be.

He seems older, but not in years but in experience, and she wonders what is it that he had to suffer through in order to return to her with a solution for their curse.

"The Jolly? Is that what my ship is called now?"

"Aye. The Jolly Roger. And she is a beauty", Killian says with deep affection in his voice, and she finds herself wishing that his crew does wait for them for a little bit longer.

A few minutes later Emma and Killian enter a small clearing, and she's pleasantly surprised to realize that there's a tall, magnificent horse waiting on the other edge of it because she didn't look forward to walking all night.

Killian approaches the horse from the side and murmurs something into its ear, his hand caressing the wide flank for a moment before he takes off his hook and stores it in the pocket of his coat, then reaches for the reins and mounts in one fluid movement made even more impressive by both the lack of two hands and the lack of a saddle and stirrups.

"Swan?" He asks uncertainly because she's still standing close to the middle of the clearing, belatedly realizing that he's waiting for her to join him.

"I can walk", she says, wondering where he had stolen the horse and what he intends to do with it once they reach the shore.

"We are in a hurry", Killian tells her pointedly and Emma bites her lip, uncertain and still so frightened of touching him accidentally. "It'll be safe if you ride behind me."

Emma debates it for a long minute before she decides that his leather coat is protection enough, and he turns the horse and leans sideways to give her his hand, firmly grasping her forearm and pulling her up behind him with the help of the horse's momentum.

"Hold on", he says and Emma wraps her arms around his waist, he cheek pressing against the worn leather covering his back as they gallop away.

* * *

Somehow, Emma manages to doze off and wakes up to Killian calling her name, his hand covering her forearms that are still resting on his stomach, his thumb caressing the back of her gloved hand before he turns to look at her.

"It's there", Emma says, looking past him and toward the ship that rocks gently on the waves a little way from the beach they are approaching.

"It appears my first mate is more loyal than I had anticipated", Killian says and gently pries her arms from around him, then gracefully slides off the horse and turns toward her, offering to help her dismount.

Emma gives him a sidelong glance and jumps down on her own, pretending not to see the flash of pain in his eyes as he drops his hand to his side and rids the horse of the rains before he sends him galloping away.

"The ship looks different", Emma says as Killian uncovers a little boat and pushes it toward the waves gently lapping the shore.

"I should hope so; we wouldn't want people noticing it used to belong to your Navy", he tells her without looking at her and makes a sweeping gesture toward the boat. "After you, my lady."

Despite the way she had avoided taking his hand earlier, her offers it to her again and this time Emma takes it gladly because the boat doesn't seem all that steady and she would hate to take a dive and embarrass herself with his crew watching them from the ship's rail.

"Is that why you never attacked my ships?" Emma asks him and makes sure to sit on the left side of the narrow seat, her hands grasping the oar while Killian settles next to her.

"I never attacked your ships because there were sailors I sailed with on some of them and because even with you threatening to banish me from your Kingdom, you never did it, and I would rather die than attack the nation I have come to love more than the one I was born into", Killian says and adjusts her grip on the oar before taking the other one.

"Killian, I am sorr-"

"Hush, Swan. We've wasted quite enough time already", he tells her, but he doesn't meet her eyes and they start rowing toward the ship, easily falling into a common rhythm and quickly reaching the tall side of the Jolly Roger.

Emma's hands feel raw, but when she removes her gloves so that she can climb the rope ladder which hangs from the deck, she discovers that there's not a single mark on her palms.

She wonders if that's how Killian's scars over her betrayal feel, marring only his soul, but leaving no evidence on his body.

Killian clicks his hook back into place and starts climbing up after her, and he's standing on deck next to her mere seconds after she clambers over the rail; she's grateful when he steps closer to her and sends his sailors to their stations with an impatient wave of his hand.

"Welcome back, Captain!" A short, burly man wearing a red cap exclaims and Killian greets him with a curt nod before he informs him that they are raising the anchor at once. "Yes, Sir!"

The man lingers uncertainly, looking at Emma and biting his lip as if trying to keep some kind of an unpleasant remark to himself.

"What is it, Mr. Smee?" Killian asks regally and shoots Emma a reassuring smile that does nothing to calm her frayed nerves.

Despite all her dreams to be free like her mother used to be, she was born a princess and she had lived as a princess for twenty-five years, so suddenly ending up surrounded with pirates who don't seem to be too pleased to have her on their ship isn't all too enjoyable.

"I don't know if you're aware of it, Captain, but it is considered bad luck to have a woman on board, especially one as beautiful as Miss Swan", he says nervously, his hands out as if aiming to soothe Killian's temper even before it raises, but Emma is too caught up in the way he'd referred to her to worry for the outcome of this disagreement.

"I am well aware of wives-tales some sailors seem to subscribe to, but I will not tolerate it on board this ship!" Killian says, his voice rising until it's loud enough to carry to every corner of the deck. "If there is anybody who wishes to discuss the matter further, they are welcome to step forward and we'll settle it like true pirates; with our blades."

Emma is not surprised that nobody dares approach him, the ship suddenly aflutter with activity.

"Dismissed, Mr. Smee", Killian says darkly and the little man scurries away. "My apologizes, lass. My crew is a little... barbaric, in their ways, but they wouldn't dare hurt you in any way."

"They don't know", Emma says, lowering her voice to a whisper and following Killian up to the quarterdeck where he rests his hand on the wheel, his eyebrow shooting up in question. "About who I am."

"Of course not", Killian says, a frown creasing his forehead as he leans closer to her. "They can never know that you're a Queen, because if they do, we are both doomed."

"Who am I, then?" Emma asks and watches him turn the wheel, the ship gathering speed and sailing toward the open sea.

"You're Miss Emma Swan, my beloved", Killian tells her, his eyes meeting hers and holding for an eternity, every emotion she had kept buried for so long fighting to come to the surface.

_His beloved._

"Do they know about the curse?" She asks, her voice trembling, and she looks away, busying herself with putting her gloves back on.

"They think we're chasing a stolen treasure, and they think you're the key to finding it", Killian tells her and inclines his head to the side, causing one of the pirates to come forward and take his place at the ship's helm. "Let me show you my quarters."

Emma follows Killian below deck and looks around his cabin with interest, her eyes lingering on the single bed long enough to attract his attention.

"I'll sleep on the floor right below the stairs, so you don't have to worry about anybody intruding on you", he tells her and takes off first his hook, then his leather coat, softly inviting her to sit at the table. "You must be hungry."

"A little", Emma says and slowly sinks into a chair, watching him move around his cabin to gather their breakfast from various cupboards; there's bread and cheese, salted meat, and even fresh tomatoes, and Emma forces herself to eat a little of everything even though she's too nervous to really have an appetite.

Killian eats like he hadn't in days, and she feels another stab of regret because it never occurred to her to offer him some food while they were still in the castle.

"I do apologize for my manners, Swan", he says when he notices her staring at him, his cheeks red in embarrassment because he didn't even attempt to use utensils. "I fear I've turned into quite a savage since you last saw me."

"Nonsense", Emma says sternly and he looks up in surprise, watching her bite into a piece of cheese with gusto, her fork and knife abandoned on the table. "I prefer not to bother with utensils either."

Killian smiles to himself and they finish their meal in silence; Emma can't help wishing this awkwardness between them could somehow be erased, but since she doesn't know how to do it, she doesn't even attempt empty small talk.

Afterwards, she helps him clear the table and hovers next to it while he puts his coat back on, his hook clicking into place and somehow transforming him into a man she has yet to get to know.

"I'll check on my crew and make sure we're on the right course, and I'd suggest you stay here for a bit, just until they all get used to the idea of a woman on board", Killian says gently and Emma nods, but she can't help feeling a little disappointed. She'd been dreaming about sailing with him, and now that she had left her Kingdom to do it he wants her to stay hidden below deck?

As always, he notices her displeasure and gives her a dimpled smile, then kisses his gloved hand and presses it against her cheek, assuring her that they will have plenty of time to enjoy the ocean together.

Emma feels warmth surge through her veins and nods faintly, smiling when he winks and disappears up the stairs, then sinks down on his bed and hugs his pillow to her chest, resigning herself to waiting until he graces her with his presence once again.

* * *

**Review?**


	20. A Life at Sea

**Have some more angst and a little bit of cutesy fluff. Thank you for reading!**

* * *

Emma waits for a long time but Killian doesn't come back so she busies herself with thumbing through some of the books she finds neatly lined on a shelf. Her eyes are closing but she refuses to sleep until he returns and tells her exactly what their plans are, but exhaustion wins over and she dozes off sitting at the table with her face buried in the book.

"Swan? Love, wake up, you can't sleep here", Killian's voice ruses her sometime later and she sits up slowly, blinking sleepily and finding him kneeling next to her chair, his bare hand resting on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into her skin.

Into her naked skin.

Emma jerks away but she knows it's too late, his face turning ashen as he falls sideways and lies beneath her feet, his hand still reaching for her.

"Swan", he whispers and somehow she comes to be sitting next to him, her hands hovering above his chest, still afraid to touch even though it's clear he's dying, the curse working quickly to take him away from her.

"I'm so sorry", Emma chokes out, her hand pressing to her mouth because she's fairly certain she's going to start screaming and never stop if he dies.

Killian smiles, his eyes meeting hers one last time, and then they slowly drift closed, his long eyelashes kissing his cheeks before he is still.

Emma looks down and realizes that his hand is holding hers, and she slowly tips forward, her ear resting above his silent heart.

Her arms embrace him and she starts crying, then cursing, and finally screaming, wishing to destroy the world with her sorrow so that nothing remains.

"Swan, you need to wake up!" Killian is yelling and Emma's eyes snap open, the shock of the dream and the abrupt awakening sending her falling from her chair so that she lands on the floor in a tangle of limbs.

She looks up and Killian is kneeling next to her, his gloved hand reaching for hers, pain flickering in his eyes when she recoils and backpedals until her back hits the wall of his cabin.

"Don't come any closer", she gasps, hot tears flowing down her cheeks as she tries to convince herself that this is reality and that what had happened before was nothing but a nightmare.

"Swan, you need to breathe", Killian tells her softly but remains where he is, and Emma nods slowly, taking a few deep breaths and drinking in the sight of him, alive and well, the dream slowly letting go of her.

"You're alright", Emma says and her face crumples, a relieved sob tearing from her throat as a new wave of tears cascades down her cheeks. "Oh God you're alright."

"Swan", Killian murmurs, his voice caressing her name as he slowly approaches her, treating her like he would a skittish colt, and Emma sits against the wall with her knees drawn to her chest and her chin resting on them, her arm wrapped around her legs as she tries to hold herself together. "Love, it was just a dream. I'm here, and nothing is going to happen to me."

"You died", Emma whispers, attempting to make herself even smaller, and she's glad when he sits on the floor next to her but doesn't attempt to touch her.

"It was just a dream", he tells her, his voice soothing, his eyes so very soft when she turns her head to look at him. "It was just a bad dream, love."

"But what if someday it becomes reality, Killian? What if someday I touch you and-"

"It won't happen", Killian cuts her off firmly and covers her hands with his gloved one. "We won't let it happen."

"But-"

"We are on our way to the cure. We will do what it takes to get it, and nothing bad is going to happen before we do."

"How can you be so sure?" Emma asks him breathlessly, her fingers grasping his and holding on because despite her fear, she still needs his strength and warmth, she still needs to reassure herself that he's really here.

"Because I love you", he says, and somehow, it causes a tiny smile that makes him smile too, dimples showing in his cheeks and making her own smile grow.

"That's not a proper reason."

"Oh but it is", he tells her, his thumb caressing the back of her hand as he keeps smiling at her, and he looks so bright and light and hopeful that she can't help but believe him.

"Tell me what we need to do to break the curse", Emma demands and his smile falters a little, but he manages to keep it on his face as he entwines their fingers and lies their hands on his thigh.

"First, we need to cross the sea, then we have to climb a beanstalk and somehow convince a giant to tell us where a certain compass is or find it ourselves, and once we have it, we have to use it to get to the certain witch and make her give us the cure", Killian says and Emma's eyebrows shoot up, dread filling her gut because it doesn't seem possible they can do it without touching each other.

"Is that all?"

"That is all", Killian confirms and gives her a long, steady look that infuses her with strength and belief that it can be done. "The worst is already behind us."

"How so?"

"Convincing a Queen to leave her Kingdom in the name of love was the hardest thing I ever had to do", Killian tells her softly and she's almost overcome with trepidation, but his steady touch and steady gaze keep her grounded in the here and now. "I'd have given anything to spare you this quest, to just bring the cure to you, but I realized it couldn't be done. We had to take the trip together.

"I'm not regretting coming with you", Emma tells him, sensing that he's been wrestling with that question since they boarded his ship and set sail.

"You're not?" He asks, and her suspicions are confirmed because of the way he's looking at her, as if a great weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

"Not for a second", Emma says, deliberately blocking the memory of her dream because it wasn't real, and it won't help anything if she dwells on it.

Killian squeezes her hand reassuringly and Emma barely resists the urge to lie her head on his shoulder and close her eyes.

They remain sitting in silence for a while, and she finds that somehow, for now, even holding his hand without touching his skin is enough.

* * *

It's only after the night falls that Killian leads Emma up on the deck again and she crosses over to the rail, inhaling deeply, enjoying the wind playing with her hair and admiring the moon hanging above the sea surrounded with countless stars winking down at the world.

"It's so beautiful out here", Emma says, her voice hushed as she caresses the worn wood of the rail, every fibre of her being aware of Killian's presence behind her.

"Sometimes", he murmurs and she turns around, surprised at the wistfulness behind his words.

"And other times?"

"Lonely", he tells her, his eyes meeting hers only briefly before he turns to the wheel and corrects their course with the help of a complicated-looking instrument.

"What's that?" Emma asks, eager to make him smile again, and when he looks at her in surprise she makes a show of lifting her eyebrows at him.

"It's a sextant."

"How does it work?" She wonders, coming to stand on his ride side so that he can show her properly.

"It measures the distance between celestial bodies", Killian tells her and puts it in her hands without much ado, then shows her how to look at a certain star through it and explains how its relative position helps in calculating their own in relation to their destination.

Emma gets a little lost in the sound of his voice, but he's a good teacher and it doesn't take her long to learn how to use it, and it's only when he opens a leather-bound book of star-maps that she realizes how complicated sailing really is.

"Are you impressed yet?" Killian teases and Emma can't help a giggle that escapes her, simple joy of this moment oddly overwhelming.

"You've impressed me a long time ago", she admits and gives him back the sextant carefully because she'd seen the way he handles it with utmost care and she knows it's important to him.

Killian ties a rope around the wheel to keep them on course and takes her hand, leading her back to the rail and resting their joined hands on it, and as he looks at the dark horizon, Emma watches his face, noticing new lines that stand in stark contrast to his skin under the moon's pale shadow.

"Was it always lonely? Being at sea?" She asks him softly, a lock of her hair flying in the wind and brushing against his cheek, a faint frown creasing this forehead the only sign that it had caused him pain.

Emma pulls her hand from his and tucks the loose strand back into her bun.

"I never noticed it while my brother was alive, but I suppose it was", Killian says, his voice sounding distant, his hand gripping the rail a little bit too tightly.

"But you love the sea", Emma states, her hand covering his again and gently prying his fingers open so that they can tangle with hers.

She regrets every single moment she didn't touch him when she still could do it without any restraint.

"I do", Killian admits, his dark head turning toward her, his eyes so very blue even in the dim of the night.

"You must've missed it terribly when you were a blacksmith", Emma says, realizing that there's still so much she doesn't know about him, and feeling greedy to uncover every single memory, thought and love he has.

"I missed my brother more", Killian tells her and Emma nods, because she understands.

When she thinks about her castle and the Kingdom, the thing she misses most are her parents.

"When you were gone, I kept dreaming your would return", Emma tells him, her eyes darting to his lips when he runs his tongue over the bottom one, still staring out at the darkness.

"I didn't sleep much while I was gone", Killian says, and Emma is once again reminded of how much he'd sacrificed and how hard it must've been for him.

"I'm sorry for chasing you away", Emma tells him and bites the inside of her mouth because she'd never before acknowledged the fact that what she did was not for the best.

In trying to keep him save, she'd condemned them both to misery.

"You didn't see any other way out", Killian says and gives her a reassuring smile. "It pained me, but even then I saw that nothing but love was driving your decisions."

"So you weren't mad?"

"I was furious."

"But you still went searching for the cure?"

"Does that surprise you?" Killian answers her question with one of his own and turns toward her, his hand letting go of hers and landing on her waist to stop her from keeping too big of a distance between them.

It's dangerous, and it makes her tremble, but she doesn't pull away.

"When I first heard about what you were doing, I was stunned and a little disappointed, but after a while, I realized why you were doing it and it made me hopeful", Emma admits and his face changes a few quick expressions before settling into a warm smile.

"But you were still not ready to come with me when I had finally returned", he says and Emma shrugs, not really sure she could explain to him how it had felt seeing him again.

"I gave you quite a lot of trouble, didn't I?"

"It's a good thing I love a challenge", Killian tells her with a wink and Emma beams at him, pretty sure that if his hand wasn't anchoring her to his side, she'd float away from the sudden wave of elation rushing through her veins.

It means the world to Emma that he'd never given up on her, and she cups his cheek in her gloved hand, showing him that she can be brave too.

Showing him that they are finally in this fight together.

* * *

**Review?**


	21. Regrets and the Beanstalk

**This chapter is a little lighter and a little hotter than the rest, and I hope you'll enjoy! Thank you for reading!**

* * *

Emma spends a week sailing with Killian and his crew, crossing the blissfully calm sea until they reach a small port town. Killian invites her to come ashore with him and the morning flies by in exploration; they get lost in its narrow, winding roads and wander the farmer's market where there's an assortments of goods the likes of which Emma had never seen before.

Nobody here knows she's a Queen, and although everybody treats her with respect because she's with Killian, nobody spares her a second glance.

She's surprised that the local people aren't afraid of Killian; it's seems like they are actually in awe of him, treating him like some sort of a benevolent leader.

The children stare at his hook with big, frightened eyes, and always turn tail and run if he makes a single step in their general direction.

Killian laughs, but the sound is hollow, and Emma feels guilt gnawing at her heart again because she's the one who drove him away, even if she wasn't the one who made him a pirate.

He did that all on his own.

They return to the ship loaded with food, and when the crew celebrates their return with a healthy dose of rum it surprises Emma that Killian joins them, winking at her and offering her some too.

"No, thank you", she says primly and retires to the cabin, trying to go to sleep and failing, turning round and round in Killian's bed until he practically falls down the stairs and settles in his self-imposed nest of blankets on the floor.

The cabin is quiet, but she knows he's not sleeping.

"You could've stayed in the sailors' quarters", Emma says more sharply than she had intended and she can practically hear him scowl in the dark.

"Why would I?"

"Because you're drunk", Emma says and turns her back to the cabin, tears of regret and longing prickling her eyes.

The only thing she wants is to go lie next to him and wrap her arms around his shoulders, inhale his scent and hold on.

"What of it, Swan?" He asks her equally sharply and Emma finally lets herself acknowledge that this isn't the man she had fallen in love with; Killian had changed, and even though it would be easier if she didn't, she does love this new version of him too.

"Go to sleep", Emma whispers and closes her eyes tightly, hoping he'll do the same.

"I'm not your lily-white Lieutenant anymore, darling", he tells her and Emma's chin trembles because there's so much anger in his voice, so much resentment she doesn't know how to respond to.

"I know", she whispers after a while, but judging by his soft snoring, he's already asleep.

* * *

The next morning Emma wakes up at the crack of dawn and stares at Killian from under the covers, her eyes wide because he's wearing nothing but his leather pants. She hadn't seen him like this since the night she had spent trying to bring his fever down, but back then she hadn't had the time to appreciate the fine lines of his muscles stretching underneath tan skin and the dusting of dark hair that covers his chest and trails down to his navel.

Her ring hanging on a fine chain around his neck is just an afterthought she can't focus on now because she knows it would be her undoing.

Emma throws away the blanket and entwines her fingers together, trying to ignore the way they tingle with the need to touch him, to caress every inch of his skin until she gets to know him the way he knows his star-maps.

The need and the yearning are breathtaking, and so is the pain because there's no guarantee that she will ever be able to touch him again.

"Enjoying the show, huh, Swan?" Killian asks and opens one eye to look at her, then rises on his elbows and gives her an even better view of his chest.

"Why wouldn't I?" Emma snaps and sits on the edge of his bed, his eyes darkening with lust when he realizes that she's wearing nothing but a long white shirt.

A shirt that she had found in one of his closets.

His shirt.

"It's a dangerous game you're playing, lass", he tells her and swallows hard, his cheeks tinged pink, but Emma gets overwhelmed with anger so suddenly she has to fight her own temper and not give in to the temptation to hurl the closest book at his head.

"You had to be honourable, didn't you, Killian? You had to say no when I begged you to make love to me because you had that misguided notion of purity even when I told you that I had already been with Walsh! We could've gone to bed any number of times, we could've been together and woken in each other arms and you had to convince me to wait, you had to take away the memories I could've cherished now when I can't come anywhere near you!" Emma yells at him and he looks stricken, but the fact that he must regret his resistance doesn't diffuse her anger, it only fuels it.

"I was a different man back then", Killian says softly and slowly sits up, his eyes steady on hers before he reaches for his hook and starts to fasten the leather contraption keeping it in place to his arm.

Emma watches with grim fascination as his nimble fingers close the straps with an occasional help of his teeth, and she keeps watching him as he dresses in silence, putting on first his shirt, then his vest, and finally his hook before he saunters over to her and leans down so that their faces are impossibly close before he slowly runs the cold, hard steel up her thigh.

"Make no mistake, Swan; if I ever get another chance to make love to you, I won't waste it", he whisper, his warm breath fanning her cheek as the steel brushes further up her thigh, every nerve ending in her body acutely aware of its touch, of its dangerous caress.

Emma meets Killian's ocean gaze and she sees the same longing that's inside her mirrored in his eyes, her fingers bunching the sheet tightly even when he withdraws and turns on his heel, resolutely walking away.

The Jolly Roger's Captain climbs up on the deck, his voice ringing in Emma's ears when he meets his sailors, and she squeezes her knees together, desperately trying to calm down her racing heart and douse the fire he'd ignited inside of her with that one simple touch.

It takes her quite a while to accomplish both.

* * *

Emma comes up on the deck to find Killian's sailors lowering the boat and looks around in surprise until their eyes meet and he gives her an eloquent nod that tells her everything she needs to know; it's time for solid ground again, and the last part of the journey to the beanstalk on foot, so she returns below deck to gather what little she'd acquired since they left her castle.

There's a pretty little mirror an old lady had bestowed on her in the market, a scarf Killian had insisted on paying for even though the seller seemed bewildered with the notion and a dagger she took from Killian's cabin and doesn't intend to give back.

She doubts he's going to mind.

"How far away is the beanstalk?" Emma asks as soon as they step on the beach, ignoring Killian's stern look and helping him pull the boat away from the water line.

"Half a day's trek", he replies curtly and surprises her when he unsheathes his sword and starts hacking a path that's been hiding a trail for God knows how many years.

Emma follows after him and finds herself admiring the way his shoulders move, so she quickly looks away and tries to think about anything but the way his skin would feel underneath her fingertips.

The worst thing is, she remembers it all too well.

"Where did you find your crew?" Emma asks more to distract herself than to make conversation, and Killian pauses a little before he goes back to making a path for them.

"In various dungeons", he says when she had practically given up on waiting for the answer, and Emma gapes at his back for a good minute before they reach a clearing and he sheaths his sword again, turning to look at her. "You'd be surprised as to how many of them were wrongfully accused, but still got condemned to a lifetime in prison."

"And you freed them?"

"I gave them a choice. Join my crew or keep rotting away", he says and a shiver runs down Emma's spine before she realizes he's lying.

He'd freed them even if they refused to follow him.

She looks at him steadily and he huffs in indignation, then turns around and they dive back into the forest again.

* * *

The beanstalk rises tall and full of foreboding in front of them and Emma shields her eyes from the sun as she looks up and up, trying to see the top of it.

"Ready for the climb, Swan?" Killian asks and wrestles on a leather glove before he smoothes his hand down Emma's arm and gently squeezes her fingers.

"I've climbed trees tougher than that", Emma tells him playfully and walks to the beanstalk, gives it one last assessing gaze and starts climbing.

"Be careful, lass", Killian calls after her and follows her up, and for the next hour they don't talk at all, concentrating only on finding the safest way to the giant's lair.

It's only when they reach the top that Emma realizes she had cut her hand, her palm stinging and bleeding quite liberally.

"Come here", Killian mutters, his lips pressing into a worried line as he anchors his hook around her wrist and pours rum over her cut.

"Hey!" Emma exclaims and tries to pull away, but one look at his eyes stops her in her tracks because he looks both worried and guilty, as if it's his fault she'd gotten hurt. "It's nothing, really."

Killian ignores her and proceeds to wrap his scarf around her hand, then pauses uncertainly when he realizes he can't tie a knot one-handed.

Emma lifts her free hand and they do it together without even having to discuss it.

"Let's get that compass", Emma says and keeps holding his hand, dragging him behind her toward the entrance into the giant's castle.

* * *

The giant is sleeping and Killian finds the compass with surprising ease, carefully pulling it out from the stack of gold without disturbing a single coin.

"Let me see", Emma says and he shushes her, his eyes darting to the sleeping giant as he lies the compass in her hand with the utmost reverence. "It's beautiful."

"Not nearly as beautiful as you", he murmurs and tips his head toward the daylight marking the doorway leading back into the courtyard, his hand hovering behind Emma's back as they walk out on tiptoes.

The giant sighs in his sleep and it causes the wind that plays with their hair as they hurry outside.

"This was surprisingly easy", Emma says, a grin pulling at her lips just as there's a loud growl behind them and the ground starts shaking as the giant awakens.

"Spoke too soon", Killian exclaims as they break into a dead run toward the beanstalk, barely ducking out of sight and moving around it when the giant clears the immense doorway.

Emma's heart is hammering in her chest all the long way down to the ground, but the giant isn't following and the compass is safely hanging from around her neck.

When they finally reach the bottom Emma jumps down and lies sprawled in the warm sand, giggling with delight because she had been dreaming about an adventure like this for her entire life, and for a moment she forgets why are they even here.

Killian gives her a dimpled smile and lies down next to her, his hand reaching across her because the one closer to him has been hurt and he doesn't want to cause her further pain.

Emma entwines their fingers and closes her eyes, overwhelmed because despite everything that's changed, one thing is still the same; Killian still loves her more than anything else, and he would put her wellbeing ahead of everything else.

"Thank you", she says and turns her head to find him already looking at her, his eyes so warm and gentle when they lock on hers.

"You're most welcome, love", he says, and she smiles because she's still an open book to him and he's well aware how much their little adventure had meant to her.

Emma brings his gloved hand to her lips, giving the back of it the gentlest of kisses, and judging by the look on his face, he feels it just like she does, to his very soul.

* * *

**Review?**


	22. Lost

**Thank you so much for all your wonderful feedback, and I hope you're going to enjoy this chapter; it's mostly fluff, with a tiny bit of angst thrown in.**

* * *

After their beanstalk adventure Emma and Killian return to his ship, sailing for just a day until they reach their next, and hopefully, final destination.

Killian had told her that somewhere inside the vast forest stretching from the beach in the distance is a cabin with a witch, and now that they have the compass, all they need to do is walk until they find her.

He makes it sound so simple, but Emma is overwhelmed with apprehension, pacing upon the deck as they enter the little lagoon where Killian's crew drops the anchor and gets the little boat into the water.

"Ready, Swan?" Killian asks, and even though his voice is soft, it still makes her jump a little.

"I don't really have a choice, do I?" She says a little harsher than intended, and when she turns to look at him pain flashes in his eyes even as he offers her a cocky grin and his gloved hand.

"Come on, darling. We're too close to quit now", he tells her and she makes her lips smile because she can't stand to see him hurting, even more so when he's trying to hide it from her.

There used to be a time when they shared everything, and it stings that they've both changed so much that it doesn't come so easily anymore.

Rowing to the shore takes just a little while because after all their little excursions they've come to move as one, and Emma throws one last look over her shoulder at the Jolly Roger as Killian gathers the bag with food and water and disappears into the forest.

Emma turns her back on the ship and runs in after him, the light growing dim under the thick canopy of ancient trees, and she holds her breath until she falls into step beside him, but even then keeps her hand on the hilt of her sword.

She'd heard enough stories about this forest to know that there's all kinds of beasts around them just waiting to pounce.

Killian doesn't look the least bit worried, a half-smile playing on his pretty mouth as if he knows a secret she's not privy too, but for some strange reason it makes it easier for her to relax.

"Do you know how long we have to walk?" Emma asks after a while to break the silence and shivers a little when something howls in the distance, her fingers twitching against his hand because they want to hold his; no matter how much she'd matured in the year without him, she's still looking to Killian when something frightens her.

"A couple of days at least", he answers her and twines their fingers together, and she can feel his warmth even through their gloves.

They walk like that for a while and it's incredibly easy to forget why are they here, all the months that had separated them melting away until it doesn't feel like any time had passed at all; she can almost convince herself that they are back in the forest next to her parents' castle, walking to their lake and making plans for the future.

Emma tilts her head to look at him, and the illusion is instantly gone because he looks different, somehow darker and wiser, but then he meets her gaze and she suddenly realizes that it doesn't matter.

The one thing that hasn't changed is the way he looks at her, like she sets the sun and raises the moon, like she's the only thing he needs to survive, and the intensity of her emotions floors he completely.

"Do you want to stop for a while, love?" He asks her, his voice as gentle as his eyes, his hand squeezing hers reassuringly. "We don't have to rush."

"Alright", Emma tells him softly and next time they pass a clearing they sit down in the grass and have a little picnic, their swords lying next to them, close in case the need to use them arises.

The sun is shining brightly and nothing attacks, and Emma wants to hold on to this sudden carelessness that's overtaken her because it's nice not to feel the weight of her crown, literal and metaphorical, and just be herself.

Just be Emma like she used to be every time she was at the lake with Killian.

"Let's spar", she says out of nowhere, jumping to her feet and picking up her sword.

"Swan, I don't think-"

"Oh come on, I'll be careful. Nothing's going to happen to you", she says with a wink and he gives her the eyebrow, then slowly stands up and unsheathes his sword.

"If the lady insists", he says and attacks her in a lightning quick move that's got her stumbling backward, but she recovers quickly and matches him step for step, their swords clanging, the noise like music to her ears.

She had missed this more than she ever allowed herself to acknowledge.

Killian sends her sword flying a few minutes later, and she curses herself for the stupid mistake she'd made because she's much better than that.

"I demand a rematch", she tells him when she retrieves her sword, and she's suddenly overwhelmed with love and affection for him; he's just standing there in front of her with his sword by his side and his lips stretched into a smile, but to her he's the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

"There will be plenty of time for that", he says and makes a move to return his sword to its scabbard, an engraving near the hilt gleaming in the sunlight and making her reach out to touch it.

"Is that...", she trails off, her fingers touching the image of a Swan that wasn't there a year ago.

"Yes", Killian says, and there's so much meaning in that simple word, just like there's so much meaning in the engraving.

"You put it there yourself", Emma says, and it's not a question because she recognizes his style, the simplicity of it and the beauty that used to make his swords so popular.

For the first time she realizes how much he'd given up for her, to be what she needed him to be even before he went on a run to become a pirate; she knows he didn't see it like a sacrifice because he had always loved her more than anything else, but it saddens her, makes her wonder if maybe he would've been better off without her.

"I did it on that first night when I sailed away from you. It was all I could do not to turn back and do as you had wanted, but I resisted because I knew it would only make us more miserable", he tells her, his gaze focused on her fingers as she caresses the engraving, following it's graceful lines and keeping her eyes on his face. "Every time I was on the verge of giving in to darkness, truly becoming the feared pirate everybody else took me for, I'd look at the swan and remember what I was doing it for. Who I was doing it for."

Killian's long eyelashes lift slowly and his ocean-filled eyes find hers, holding her captive and sharing with her all the pain and doubts he'd experienced and kept from her until now.

"I did bad things, Emma. I killed and I stole and I ruined lives that are never going to be repaired no matter what I do, and I'm well aware the fact I did it all for love doesn't lessen my sins... I'm never going to forgive myself, and I'm willing to pay the price karma is undoubtedly going to demand, but I hope at least you can forgive me", he says, and Emma feels like breaking, her arms trembling with the effort of not wrapping around him.

"I forgave you the moment I saw you at the ball, even if I was too reluctant to admit it", she tells him, her gloved hand rising to cup his cheek.

Killian ducks his head again and takes in a shuddering breath as he runs the blunt edge of his hook along her arm in a caress that makes her heart stutter in her chest.

"Let's go find this witch and once we break the curse we can find the people you've wronged and somehow make it better", Emma says, painfully aware that some wounds are impossible to heal no matter how much gold you have, but for Killian's sake, she's willing to try.

"There's so many", he whispers, and Emma is stunned when a tear rolls down his cheek and disappears in the scruff, his voice breaking with the weight of all his crimes. "There's so many of them."

"We will have a lifetime together to take care of it", Emma tells him reassuringly and smoothes her thumb over his cheek, her lips quirking up when he lifts his head and gives her a shaky smile. "What?"

"This is the first time you sounded like you believe we're going to break the curse."

"It's because I finally do believe", Emma says in a mock whisper, as if she's telling him a secret, and he stands still when she takes the scarf hanging around his neck and presses it to his face before her lips meet his.

He rests his hand and hook on her hips and Emma lets the hope she'd been trying to keep at bay overwhelm her.

* * *

On the third day of their forest trek they come upon a crystal clear lake, and Killian doesn't waste time in starting to undress.

"What are you doing?!" Emma exclaims, a fierce blush creeping up her neck when he kicks off his boots and starts unlacing his pants.

"What does it look like, princess?" He asks with a cocky lifting of his eyebrow and she feels like her heart is going to jump out of her chest; her skin feels too tight for her body as her eyes roam over his beautiful chest, her fingers itching to touch the hard muscles and trace patterns in all that chest hair.

Determination flashes in her eyes and Emma reaches behind her, quickly opening her corset and peeling off her pants, purposefully avoiding to look at Killian. She keeps her blouse on and runs into the lake, diving under and staying beneath the surface until her lungs are screaming for breath.

When she emerges and turns toward the shore, she finds Killian swimming toward her with powerful strokes, and she splashes at him, careful to stay at a safe distance.

There's so much naked skin she could touch and end his life, but even though her every instinct tells her to go back to the shore, she stays right where she is.

"The water feels incredible", she says, laughing when Killian splashes her and lying back on the water, blinking up at the sunlight coming through a canopy of trees.

It feels peaceful here, and she manages to remain calm and motionless when Killian swims closer, supporting her with his left arm, his leather brace cold, and resting his right hand on her stomach, only the thin material of her blouse separating his warm skin from hers.

The lake is shallow, so he can stand next to her, holding her like that, his intense gaze impossible to bear, so she closes her eyes and just revels in the moment.

They are tempting fate, but even though she's well aware how foolish and dangerous it is, Emma doesn't tell him to let her go.

She stays in his arms, feeling so vividly alive, and hoping he feels the same.

* * *

Five days later they start running a little low on their provisions, and while Emma panics, Killian remains utterly calm, reassuring her that they are close to the cabin and that there's going to be food when they get there.

"How can you be so sure?" Emma exclaims and walks forward without turning to look at him, thinking how ironic it would be if they caught their death not from wild animals but from hunger.

"Don't you trust me?" He asks her and Emma throws her arms up in exasperation, half turning to glare at him because their situation is dire and her trust in him has no bearing on it, but then something catches her eyes ahead and she keeps walking, her lips stretching into a smile when she realizes that they've finally reached the cabin. "See? All is well."

"You couldn't have known it was this close", Emma says, but she can't help smiling wider when they come out on the clearing surrounding the cabin and he lies his hand on the small of her back.

"Oh but I did", Killian says cryptically and takes her hand, silently encouraging her to follow him; she doesn't have to tell him she's scared because he knows.

Somehow, he always knows, and he's there to chase away her fears and gently reassure her that everything is going to be alright.

Emma lifts her chin and walks forward, hoping for a bright future waiting for her inside that little lonesome cabin.

* * *

**Review?**


	23. Found

**Here we go; Emma finally learns what needs to be done for them to break the curse. Thank you for reading/reviewing/favoriting, and enjoy!**

* * *

Killian opens the door of the cabin and pulls Emma inside, and she can feel his eyes on her as she takes in their surroundings. There's a bed, a table and two chairs, one dresser in the corner and a hearth on the wall opposite from the window, but there's nobody but them inside the cabin.

"The witch isn't here", Emma says, swaying a little on her feet because in all the scenarios she had imagined of this moment, she had never predicted this outcome.

"No, she's not", Killian says, and something in his voice makes her turn toward him, a cold fist squeezing her heart.

"You sound like you knew she wouldn't be."

"I did know", he tells her, and the cold wave of foreboding spreads through her entire body.

"But why? What was the point of this journey?" Emma asks, suddenly feeling so tired, her chin starting to tremble when she realizes she'd been fooled; there is no cure for the curse.

The only thing she can't figure out is why would Killian do this to her.

"It will all make sense in a minute, I promise", he tells her and reaches out for her hand, but she steps back and wraps her arms around her middle in a desperate effort to not fall apart.

"Tell me now! Why did you convince me to leave my castle and come here if you knew we'd remain cursed?!"

"Swan-"

"Tell me!"

"We won't remain cursed if you just listen to what I have to say!" Killian exclaims, his eyes wide and so very blue, making him look younger than he is, still hopeful even despite everything that's happened.

"Talk, then", Emma says and drops into a chair, watching him set the bag down and declining the water he offers her.

He takes a long sip and sits in a chair opposite from her, his hand resting on his brace as he gathers his thoughts.

"When you got stabbed, I thought the world had ended. I would've given everything to keep you alive and the witch's price didn't seem unbearably steep at the time, but that was only because I couldn't imagine how painful living without your touch would be", he says and Emma closes her eyes, remembering waking up on the day of her would be wedding to find that she's forbidden from ever touching her fiancé again.

Killian keeps staring at his hand and Emma resists the urge to touch him, denying him comfort because whatever his reason for deceiving her was, it still wasn't fair.

"Once we had that talk, once I really understood what I'd done, I went back to the cabin, but both it and the witch were gone."

"Why did you bring me here?" Emma demands sternly, impatient because he's repeating everything she'd already known, but he ignores her, telling the story at his own pace.

"It took me a year to finally find the witch again, and she was so surprised that I managed to find her that she actually listened to what I had to say", Killian continues and Emma crosses her arms in front of her chest, trying to show him how mad she is but it flies over his head because he can't even look at her. "And then she laughed."

"Why?" Emma asks, unable to resist the pull of his eyes when he lifts his head and leans a little closer.

"Because the cure for our curse is simple and it's always been staring us in the face", he answers and Emma waits with bated breath to hear what it is. "True love's kiss."

It's not what she had expected, and an unpleasant shiver races down her spine because in one moment of clarity she understands completely, and knows exactly what he'll want to do.

"Why didn't you tell me that when you first came back?" Emma asks, her voice trembling and her teeth worrying her bottom lip; Killian reaches for her hand but she pulls back, standing up and starting to pace in front of the bed.

"Because I changed, lass. I needed to be certain you still loved me, because otherwise the kiss might not have worked, and I couldn't risk that knowing what it would do to you to lose me", he tells her softly, and he's so calm compared to her that it annoys her further.

"I changed too."

"I always loved all of you, Swan", he tells her and her steps falter, then she starts pacing again.

"As did I love all of you", Emma whispers, saddened because it might not have seemed like that to him, considering everything he had to do in order to attain the right to court her.

Killian looks at her with a steady gaze devoid of any accusation, but she still feels guilty.

"Are you sure that it's the only way? What if it doesn't work? We wouldn't be able to try again", Emma says, her stomach flipping at the image of Killian dying in her arms without her being able to stop it.

"That's why I took you on this journey, love. To show you the world, to remind you of our love so that when we do kiss, there's no doubt in your mind that it will work", he tells her and she finds it hard to look at him when he stands up and reaches for her hand. "What do you say, Swan? Take a leap of fate?"

Killian leans toward her, his lips a breath away from hers when he pauses, allowing her to choose if she wants to do it or not, and Emma pulls away, her chest heaving because she might be hyperventilating, unable to stop seeing him lying on the floor, cold and dead because of her.

"No."

"Swan-"

"No, Killian, please. We can't risk it. I can't lose you!" She says, her voice rising in pitch until it's nearly a scream, and when he steps toward her she turns on her heel and runs out of the cabin, crossing the meadow and entering the woods before she even realizes what she's doing.

When she turns back, she can see Killian standing in front of the cabin with his hand on his belt, staring up at the sky, but not making a move to follow her.

Emma sits down against a tree and wraps her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knee and closing her eyes, trying to see a future in which they are together, happy and laughing with their arms around each other.

All she can see is Killian dead on a hearse with his eyes closed and his skin pale, his heart silenced forever.

* * *

Killian leaves her be, and Emma comes back on her own a few hours later, hungry and cranky, so she's grateful when he just prepares their dinner and they eat it in silence.

Every time she dares look at him he's avoiding her gaze, and she realizes with horror that he's doubting her love for him because she's doubting the power of their kiss.

"Killian, I-"

"You don't have apologize or explain", he murmurs and she feels horrible for putting him through this because he doesn't deserve it, he never deserved all he got for loving her.

"Killian, I love you. Don't think that I don't... I love you so much that I can't bear even the thought of…", she trails off, her voice breaking because he doesn't seem to understand.

"No, Swan. You're just afraid, but in order for this to work, you can't be", he tells her, and her heart drops in her chest because she doesn't know how to be brave, not when the consequences can be so dire.

Sometimes she wishes it was Killian with the poisoned skin instead of her, because then taking this leap of faith would be much easier.

"I don't know how not to be afraid", she whispers and meets his eyes across the table, all the love she feels choking her because she just wants to close her eyes and hold him without having to worry if she's going to kill him.

But in order to do that, she has to risk everything she's got.

She has to risk him.

"Let's just sleep", Killian says and takes a blanket from the dresser, carefully spreading it over the floor.

"You can take the bed for a change", Emma says weakly but he just gives her a sideways look and takes off his vest and shirt, uncovering the bed for her before he lies down on the floor.

Neither of them sleeps much that night.

* * *

A few days pass and they stay in the cabin, carefully avoiding the subject of what needs to be done in order for them to live again. He tells her about his travels and she tells him about everything that's happened since he left, and little by little Emma relaxes, slowly coming to terms with the risk she needs to take.

"You said it yourself, Swan. We can't live this way", Killian tells her as they sit on a wooden bench in front of the cabin, the setting sun dipping below the treetops, the distance between them like a hole in her heart.

"I know", Emma whispers, but every time she thinks she's ready, every time she gets the urge to reach for his hand and pull him closer, something stops her and she doesn't.

"I know you love me enough for it to work, I know we are true love", Killian tells her, and she's thankful he keeps his hands to himself. "I know there's no guarantees, but after everything we've been through, don't you think we owe it to ourselves to just try?"

"It's easy for you, Killian. If it doesn't work you die and then there's no more pain, but I'm the one who's going to be left behind, all alone and knowing that I'm the one responsible for your death", Emma says and gets to her feet, walking away from him because she can't deal with this anymore.

It's just too hard, and it hurts too much that the salvation is in her reach and she's too much of a coward to reach for it.

"Swan, wait!" Killian calls after her and wraps his fingers around her arm, spinning her around and trapping her against his chest with his arm.

"What are you doing?" Emma yells, trying to wrestle away as he takes off both his hook and the brace covering his stump, his arms like a prison around her she can't escape no matter how hard she tries.

"You're never going to stop running, Swan. You're never going to be ready to kiss me because the possible outcome frightens you too much", he says, his expression softening as he takes off his glove with his teeth and wraps his fingers around her long braid, slowly running them up toward her face.

"Killian, please let me go. You can't do this to me!"

"I'm going to set us free, love. I can be brave enough for both of us, and all you need to do is trust me", he tells her, and she's fairly certain her heart is going to beat out of her chest and into his the way it's racing.

"Please", Emma whispers, tears rolling down her cheeks because this can't be happening, this can't be the way it ends.

She's not strong enough to survive this if the kiss doesn't work.

"It will work, Emma", Killian says as if he can read her thoughts, his eyes crinkling at the corners when he smiles. "I am finally going to touch you and when you kiss me, the curse will be broken. We'll be together the way we were always meant to be."

Emma closes her eyes and then his fingertips are pressing against her cheek, caressing her skin gently, touching her deep inside where she'd been cold for a very long time.

For a moment she thinks that they've been played, that there is no curse, but then Killian gasps and her eyes fly open; his knees give out and Emma ends up sprawled on top of him, watching with horror as colour drains from his face and he blinks up at her as if he can't see her anymore.

"Killian!" She screams his name and tries to pull away; her first instinct is to stop touching him, to remove the poison that's killing him, but he grabs her hand and holds on, refusing to let her go. "Killian!"

"I love you", he tells her and his eyes drift closed, which leaves her no other choice but to do the only thing that can save him now.

Emma wipes away the tears that are blurring her vision and leans down, not hesitating for a single moment before she finally gives him a kiss.

* * *

**Review?**


	24. There You Are

**And here we go, finally the happiness they deserve; there's still one more chapter and the epilogue left. Thank you all for reading!**

* * *

Emma kisses Killian's cold lips and nothing happens. He's still freezing cold but his fingers are grasping her wrist, his arm wrapped around her waist and keeping her close, preventing her from pulling away.

"Killian, please-"

"I love you", he says, and she opens her eyes to find him looking at her like she's an angel, like she's the most beautiful creation he'd ever seen, and somehow, that one last look before his eyelashes flutter closed again gives her strength to try once more.

It gives her strength to believe, and she pushes aside all the anger at the unfairness of it all, she pushes aside everything and focuses on how much she loves him, the pirate and the blacksmith and the man, and she presses her lips against his.

This time, there's a surge of warmth that goes through her and into him, enveloping them both like a blanket, his faltering embrace tightening around her as he returns the kiss and sighs against her mouth, releasing her arm to tangle his fingers in her hair.

He breathes, and he lives, and Emma keeps her eyes closed, kissing him and loving him until they are both breathless and every nerve ending in her body seems to be on fire.

"Swan", he murmurs when she finally pulls away to look at him, noting the light in his eyes and the pretty flush on his cheeks, realizing that it's over, the curse finally broken.

"You pig-headed idiot!" Emma yells and starts pummelling Killian's chest with her fists, hot tears of relief and belated shock streaming down her cheeks, wretched sobs tearing from her throat because he could've died, and she would've been the one to kill him.

"Swan, it's alright, I'm alright", he says, capturing her hand with his and reaching for the other before they both realize he can't because he's only got the one. Emma hits him a few more times for good measure, then collapses on top of him and just cries, her head nestling underneath his chin as he embraces her tightly and murmurs apologies and comforting nonsense into her ear.

"You could've died", she chokes out and holds onto him tighter, basking in the warmth and the strength surrounding her, breathing him in and keeping her face pressed against his skin because she finally can.

Her nose grazes his Adam's apple and she kisses the constellation of moles on the side of his neck, once, twice, three times and once more, her breathing quick and her heart slamming against her ribcage because it's been so long since she had touched him and finally being able to do it again feels wonderful and excruciating at the same time.

"Shhhh", he croons, his hand caressing her hair as he presses feather-light kisses to her temple, his legs tangling with hers so that they are pressed together everywhere they can be. "It's over, Emma. It's all over."

His voice is warm and soothing, like the sweetest song in her ear, and her name on his lips manages to chase away the shadows and help her calm down.

"Nothing will ever come between us again", Killian tells her and she lifts her head, her lips finding his even though her eyes are still closed, and when she tastes tears, she's not sure if they are hers or his.

* * *

Emma and Killian enter the cabin holding hands, and when he tries to pull away in order to secure the door behind them, Emma doesn't let him, her eyes holding his until he nods faintly and they slide the deadbolt home together.

Neither of them says a word as they come to stand next to the bed, their gazes locking and speaking volumes, his arm wrapping around her waist and tugging her closer; he raises their joined hands and traces his index finger down her nose, his lips quirking into a smile when it wrinkles at his touch.

He kisses her with the utmost reverence and she slides her free hand underneath his vest, her fingers pressing against the small of his back as she sways against him, their lips fusing together like they were made to meet, his tongue slipping into her mouth and meeting hers, sending a jolt of awareness through her system.

Emma keeps kissing him and starts unbuttoning his vest, then pulls back and starts pushing it off his left shoulder, helping him take it off and finding it impossible to let go of his hand so they can be rid of it completely.

"Swan, just for a moment", he tells her, but her fingers squeeze his tightly and refuse to release.

"I can't", she says in a broken voice and leans forward until her forehead is resting against his collarbone.

"I need that hand to undress you", he tells her softly, his lips pressing against her hairline, his left arm tightening around her as if to prove a point.

Emma sighs and reaches behind her, her fingers going under the sleeve of his shirt and wrapping around his stump; it startles him because she'd never touched him there, but Emma just holds on and finally releases his hand, the vest falling on the floor.

"Undress me, then", she says when Killian just stands there and pulls away to look at him from under her eyelashes, smiling until he shakes himself and releases a long, shuddery breath, his fingers untying the laces of her corset and deftly loosening them, his eyes never leaving hers.

Emma traces the scar with her thumb and she pauses, astonished by the look on his face because it's half awe, half something very much like pain, and she brings her free hand up to anchor her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

There's a new kind of urgency in his moves when they separate, and her corset joins his vest on the floor, his hand slipping into her pants and pulling them down without further ado until she toes off her boots and kicks the pants aside.

Killian steps backwards and sits on the edge of the bed, his hand on the back of her thigh pulling her closer until she's standing between his legs, then lifting her shirt so that he can press his lips against her hipbone, his tongue darting out to taste her skin and sending sparks shooting to her core.

Emma leads his stump to her waist and bites her lip when his nose grazes the underside of her breast, his teeth nipping gently, his fingers splaying over her back before his mouth closes around her nipple, her soft moan rising in the silence of the cabin.

"So lovely", he whispers and presses a kiss into the space between her breasts, Emma's vision getting a little hazy as the heat surges through her veins and her hands scramble for purchase on his shoulders.

"Oh God", she gasps and her knees buckle, his arms catching her and guiding her to sit on his thigh, his fingers untying the ribbon at the bottom of her braid and shaking it out before he arranges it over her shoulders.

Emma cups his cheeks between her palms and gives him a slow, deep kiss, overwhelmed with the feeling of his skin underneath her fingertips when she slips her hands under the hem of his shirt, counting up his vertebrae and almost drowning in the intensity of their love.

His hand is resting on her thigh, warm and pleasantly heavy, his rings cooling her flesh as he caresses and squeezes her leg, slowly moving upward; she trembles in anticipation and digs her nails into his back when he reaches the apex of her thighs, her head falling back as his long, expert fingers set her body on fire.

"Killian", she breathes his name and buckles her hips against his hand, the pressure building steadily, her nerve endings humming with pleasure, but she's still not satisfied because she needs him closer still, all of him pressed against all of her.

Emma tilts his head back and distracts him with a thorough, passionate kiss, her fingers gathering his shirt up and tugging it over his head, his hair left adorably mussed in its wake.

"What?" He asks and she giggles in delight, her fingers smoothing the dark, silky strands before she lets her eyes wander over his torso, her hand closing around her ring hanging low on his chest before she ghosts her fingertips over his shoulders and down his arms; she presses her thumbs against the velvety mounds of his biceps, then leans forward and kisses his cheek, her thumb and index fingers closing around his forearms and wrapping his arms around her waist.

Killian's long eyelashes lift gracefully and he looks up at her, the naked adoration in his eyes taking her breath away because nobody had ever looked at her like this; he sees everything she is, the Queen and the orphan and the woman, and he loves all of her unreservedly.

Emma pulls her blouse up over her head and it's incredibly liberating to finally be naked in front of him, basking in his warm gaze as he caresses her with his eyes for a moment before his arms tighten around her waist and he flips her on her back, his knee spreading her legs as his hips pin her to the mattress, his lips descending on her breasts once more.

The pressure skyrockets and Emma opens her legs wider, her fingers tugging his pants down his narrow hips and skimming back around to wrap around him, his warm breath puffing against her collarbone when she caresses up and down his firm length in measured strokes. His arm trembles and he groans, settling a little lower before he lifts his head and looks at her with heat in his blue gaze; it's the only incentive she needs to lead him inside, his lips covering hers and swallowing her moan when he stretches her and fills her as if he'd been made for her.

She thinks he must have been, she thinks it must've been written somewhere in the stars that they would meet and love and suffer before finally joining into one.

Killian hovers above her until she lifts her hips and urges him to move, tormenting her with a slow, languid pace at first, then gradually quickening it until they both take flight and shatter back to earth in each other's arms.

It takes them a while to gather their wits again and it's only then that Killian disentangles himself from her arms and takes off his pants entirely, then carefully gathers the covers and spreads them over Emma, winking at her when he finds her admiring his lean, hard body.

"Do you find yourself in awe of your pirate, my Queen?" He asks as he slides into bed again and gathers her in his arms, his lips brushing a kiss to her temple when she settles down with her head on his shoulder.

"I am in love with my pirate", Emma tells him with a cheeky smile and sighs happily, her leg pressing between his and her hand resting on his chest.

He drums his fingers on her waist and Emma squeezes her left hand between their bodies to entwine her fingers with his, smiling against his skin and refusing to think about anything except how good this feels, and how right it is.

"Happy, my love?" Killian asks and nudges Emma with his nose until she tilts her head back and looks at him; her lips don't know how to stop grinning and his beaming smile makes them stretch even wider.

"I'm very, very happy", she tells him and pokes his dimple with her index finger, giggling when he bites it playfully and pressing herself closer against his side.

Killian tightens his arm around her, his eyes still a little guarded when his stump presses against the small of her back, but she just regards him steadily until he relaxes and kisses her cheek, his scruff tickling her jaw.

"I love you so much", Emma tells him and closes her eyes, revelling in the gentleness of his kisses and all the warmth surrounding her, but especially in his answering "I love you", spoken without hesitation and in the softest of voices.

Something cold slides on her finger and she opens her eyes to find his ring shining on her hand, back where it belongs.

Killian just looks at her, his shaky fingers entwining with hers, and she nods, stretching up to press a kiss to his cheek; they don't need words because after everything they were forced to do for love, the only answer is obvious.

She is finally going to become his wife.

"I love you more than anything."

"More than your ship?"

"It's your ship, essentially, but yes, more than The Jolly", Killian tells her with a chuckle and brushes his lips against her brow again.

"That's good", Emma mumbles sleepily and drifts away, feeling at peace and blissfully light for the first time since her childhood.

* * *

**Review?**


	25. We Will Return

**And here it is, the last fluffly chapter; there's only the happiest epilogue left for tomorrow, and then another story is over. Thank you for reading and leaving me feedback; it was much appreciated.**

* * *

Emma wakes up with her head on Killian's naked shoulder, her hand resting on his equally naked stomach, and her first instinct is to jump out of bed so fast she ends up sitting on the floor, completely naked herself.

"Swan?" Killian murmurs sleepily, his eyes blinking open slowly, then all at once when he realizes the reason for her hasty retreat. "Love, it's alright. We broke the curse. You won't hurt me."

His voice is low and steady as he sits on the edge of the bed and holds out his hand for hers, and Emma somehow manages to remember how to breathe and lets him pull her back on the bed and into his embrace.

"See? I'm alright", he tells her and guides her hand to his shoulder, her stomach still clenching painfully when her palm comes into contact with his skin again. "We're alright."

Emma nods shakily and he kisses her cheek, then her nose, and finally her lips, the warmth of his body and his arm around her making it easier for her to recognize that the curse is indeed broken.

"I was so scared for a minute there", she says and embraces his neck tightly as her heart rate returns to normal.

"I know, sweetheart. It's over now", Killian tells her and she shudders because there's still something standing between them and complete happiness.

"I have to go back home", she whispers and Killian stills, then draws a shaky breath and tells her he understands. "I don't think you do. It's not just a question of me returning as a reigning queen, it's also a question of me explaining to my advisors that I'm going to marry a pirate hunted by all the other Kingdoms."

"I'm incredibly sorry about that", Killian says, trying to infuse his voice with humour, but it falls flat. "Although, you could tell them you're just marrying your Lieutenant."

"What?"

"Did you ever tell them who took the ship?" Killian asks her eagerly and Emma pulls back to look at him, tentative hope spreading through her veins at the thought that the solution could be so simple.

"I didn't."

"What's to stop you from returning with your loyal Lieutenant at your side, then?" He asks with his head tilted to the side as he smoothes his fingers over her shoulder.

"But how are we going to explain your sudden absence right when a new pirate crew started robbing our neighbours?"

"You just tell them that you sent me on a secret business for the crown. They are going to be so relieved that you're back that they won't care much about anything else, especially because it's going to seem like I'm the one bringing you home", Killian tells her and gives her a grin that is one hundred percent pirate, but there's a sadness in his eyes she wishes she could erase with a simple kiss.

She knows she can't, but she gives him the kiss anyway.

"At least until you tell them that you're going to marry me", Killian says, his eyes avoiding hers when she tries to meet his blue gaze.

"I don't care what they say. I would marry you even if you were still a blacksmith and they wouldn't be able to do anything about it", Emma tells him and kisses the soft place between his nose and cheekbone, lingering there for a moment because she knows his eyes are going to look haunted when he finally looks at her.

"But you wouldn't marry the pirate", Killian says, his voice small and full of pain she can't even begin to imagine.

"Yes I would", Emma says, her fingers framing his cheeks and making him look at her. "I would marry a pirate, and the only reason I won't because it would defy the point; you'd have to run away to save yourself from every other Kingdom that put out a reward for your head."

"Marry me, then", Killian says after a moment's hesitation, his thumb sliding beneath her hand, his fingers curling over hers and pulling them away from his stubbled cheek.

"Now?"

"I am a Captain", he says, his eyebrow shooting up in challenge.

"Alright", Emma says and laughs when he set her on her feet, and they stand facing each other next to the bed in all their naked glory.

"We have gathered here today", he begins and Emma giggles again, then presses her face against his shoulder, embarrassment colouring her cheeks because this is so decadent and yet it feels exactly right. "Hush now, Swan, this is a solemn occasion."

"Oh is it now?"

"Do you, princess Emma of the Enchanted Forest, take me, a notorious pirate going by the name of Hook, for your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part?" He asks, his eyes dancing with joy as she smiles and eagerly says yes.

Killian slides the ring from her right hand and puts it on her left hand, then brings it to his lips to kiss her knuckles.

"Do you, celebrated blacksmith Killian Jones, take me, your lady Swan, for your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part?" Emma asks, and jumps a little when Killian startles her with the booming sound of his voice when he says yes.

"By the power vested in me by the ancient sea laws, I now pronounce us husband and wife", he murmurs, and Emma stands on her tiptoes, pausing an inch from his lips.

"May I kiss the groom now?"

"You definitely may, my love", Killian says and wraps his arms around her tightly, lifting her off her feet and twirling her around as their lips meet for the first time as married couple.

* * *

Mr. Smee doesn't take the news that Killian is leaving his crew all too well, but he's somewhat pacified when Killian tells him he can keep the Jolly Roger.

"Try to keep to the code, Captain Smee", Killian says with a note of gentleness in his voice that seems to surprise everybody gathered on the deck, most of all Killian himself. "Understood?"

"Yes, Sir", Smee says quickly and Killian gives the rest of the pirates a sideways look, as if issuing a silent demand they all seem eager to follow to the letter.

_If you don't behave, I'm coming for you. _

"What are you going to do if you ever come across them at sea again?" Emma asks him softly as they ride away from the shore, Killian wearing his uniform again; she's sitting in front of him on the horse, her back to his front because now that they can finally touch they don't want to be separated for even a moment.

"I don't intend to go serving on a ship anymore, lass... unless of course you want me to", Killian tells her, his lips brushing against her ear as he speaks and sending a pleasant shiver down her spine.

"No! I would like nothing better than to keep you with me at all times, but I always thought you loved the sea too much to stay in the castle", Emma says and turns back to look at him, finding him smiling down at her with an adorable grin stretching his pretty mouth.

"After everything that kept us together, I don't intend to let you out of my sight for a very long time", he tells her and kisses her cheek, and Emma settles back against him with a content sigh.

"Good. But you're going to miss the Jolly, aren't you?" She asks him tentatively, wondering if maybe she shouldn't even bring it up.

"I will, but a ship is just a few planks and a sail. It's the true love that matters", he tells her and she closes her eyes, relieved and pleased with his answer.

"I don't think I ever said thank you", Emma says wistfully when they dismount to rest their horse and have something to eat, her hand smoothing down his arm slowly as she turns her head to look at him.

"There's nothing to thank me for", he says and she shakes her head in time with his words because if it wasn't for his determination, they wouldn't be together, she wouldn't be able to slide her hand underneath his sleeve and caress his warm skin.

"You gave up everything for me, Killian. You gave up yourself, became the thing you always despised, and I can't even imagine-"

"I would do it again, Swan. I would do it all the same because you're worth every hardship, and in the end, the curse was my fault anyway", Killian says and Emma stares at him with wide, confused eyes.

"You were just saving my life."

"There wouldn't be a need to save your life if I wasn't so full of myself to think that I could protect you", Killian says, and she's stunned by the bitter undertone in his voice.

"But you did protect me. You killed all three of them", Emma says, then frames his face in her hands and makes him look at her. "It was our destiny to suffer through that, and if you weren't the man you are, Killian, doing what you did, I don't think I'd make it. I don't think I could live without you."

"Don't say that", Killian whispers and crushes her against him, holding her so tight she can barely draw a breath. "You're a tough lass. You'd be okay."

Emma stays quiet even though he's wrong.

She would've tried, but eventually she'd find that she can't be strong without him.

* * *

It takes them two days but then they finally reach their destination, and Emma feels completely overwhelmed when they come out of the forest and see the castle from a distance, standing above the water with the clear blue sky stretching behind it.

"Welcome home, Swan", Killian says and presses a kiss to Emma's neck, her hand resting on his forearm as she presses his arm tighter against her stomach, snuggling deeper into his embrace.

"I hope the rest of my Kingdom is as welcoming as you", Emma murmurs and Killian hums reassuringly, kissing her once more before they ascend the hill and enter the courtyard with their heads held high.

The guards look stunned to see Emma, but they all bow low and let her pass, Killian following in her wake to the crown room where her throne stands empty and her advisors sit around a table, arguing with each other in hushed tones.

"Good day, gentlemen", Emma says royally and they all jump to their feet, watching her as she crosses the room before meeting each of them with a nod of her head.

"You return in the nick of time, your Majesty", one of her father's old friends says with evident relief and she smiles at him, holding her hand out so that he can kiss her knuckles. "We've heard news of pretenders to the throne gathering."

"They can all go back the way they came from", Emma says and tips her head toward Killian. "Captain Jones was kind enough to escort me home, and so here I am, ready to deal with all the pressing issues."

All eyes turn to Killian, but he stands tall and proud, not even batting an eyelash at his changed rank, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword menacingly until they all wisely decide not to question their Queen's explanation.

"Now, tell me what did I miss", Emma says and the tension slowly bleeds out of the room, everybody settling down again.

Killian escorts her to her throne, and when Emma sits down he remains standing by her side, silent and unobtrusive until the meeting ends and all the problems are either solved or discussed.

It's only then that she stands up and takes his hand in hers, announcing that they have eloped, and that the second, public exchanging of vows should take place as soon as possible.

Her advisors take it in stride, looking surprisingly benevolent, some of them even a little overtaken with emotion, and Emma thanks them all for their loyal service in her absence before she tugs on Killian's hand and leads him through the silent hallways to her bedroom.

* * *

**Review?**


	26. Epilogue

**And here it is; the happy ending. This has been a rocky ride, so I've extra grateful to all of you who've come on this journey with me and stuck through all the angst. Thank you so much, and** **enjoy the fluff.**

* * *

Queen Emma marries Captain Killian Jones for the second time on a bright spring morning with princess Rapunzel and her husband Flynn Rider standing up as maid of honour and best man. Their story hadn't turned out any less extraordinary than Emma and Killian's, and Emma only regrets that they had tied the knot while she was chasing the cure for her curse with Killian even though the cure was always safely stored in her heart.

The Kingdom rejoices, and for their first wedding anniversary, Emma gives Killian two gifts, a small ship that looks exactly like the Jolly Roger minus the pirate flag, and the news that he's going to be a father.

It seems fitting to tell him by their lake, so after a little sailing she makes him race her and Tornado there on his noble seed, and then they sit on the old fallen tree side by side, looking out at the clear blue water.

When she utters the words and turns her head to look at him expectantly, Killian freezes for a moment, his mouth slowly quirking upward when he sees her encouraging grin, then wraps his arms around her and just holds her silently for a long, long time.

"Are you okay?" She asks him softly when they finally separate, realizing that there are tears trembling on his long eyelashes, his head down; he stares at her stomach as if he's trying to see through her skin and look upon their unborn baby.

"This is the best news I've ever received", he tells her, his hand reaching out and pressing against a barely there baby bump infinitely gently. "Hello there, little prince."

"Or princess", Emma amends with a serene smile and he grins, moving to kneel in front of her and resting his elbows on her knees so that his face is level with her stomach.

"Or princess. It doesn't really matter to daddy what you are, as long as you're healthy, because you're undoubtedly going to be as beautiful as your mother", he says softly and she sifts her fingers through his hair, wondering how anybody can be as blessed as the two of them are.

She's still waiting for something bad to happen, but she keeps that fear locked tightly inside the back of her mind, refusing to let it spoil the wonderful like she and Killian had built together.

They stay at the lake until the light begins to fade, and then he pulls her up on his horse in front of him, Tornado following behind them unburdened because Killian refuses to risk anything happening to her again.

* * *

Emma wakes up in the middle of the night to find Killian sitting on the edge of their four poster bed, his shoulders hunched and his head down, and he flinches a little when she sits up and lies her palm in the centre of his back.

"Hey, it's just me", she murmurs and absentmindedly caresses her stomach with her free hand, reaching for Killian's arm and wrapping her fingers around his bicep to bring him around to face her. "Did you have a nightmare again?"

"I just can't sleep", he tells her, her hand falling to her baby bump when he stands up and crosses over to the window overlooking the forest, his hand resting on the stone railing when Emma finally manages to scramble from the bed and join him.

"Are you worried about me having this baby?" Emma asks, leaning against the railing and covering his hand with her left and reaching to cover his heart with her right.

"I'm worried about everything to do with the baby", he says miserably and pulls his hand from under hers to run his fingers through his already tousled hair.

"Killian-"

"Do you know how many babies die during their first week in this Kingdom?"

"No, I-"

"Too many, Emma!" He exclaims so vehemently she almost jumps.

"Killian, just breathe", Emma says and lies her hands on his shoulders, trying to suppress a smile because this is clearly just a case of a daddy-to-be jitters.

"Babies are so fragile, Swan. And you are fragile too, and I can't-"

"Shhhh", Emma cuts him off and leads him back toward their bed, making him lie down with his head in her lap and resting her hand on his chest, talking to him in hushed tones until his hammering heart starts beating regularly. "Nothing is going to happen to me and our baby."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise", Emma says solemnly and Killian finally goes to sleep, curled on his side with his face pressed against her baby bump.

She stays awake a while longer, her fingers playing with his, caressing the rough skin of his palm and tracing countless little burns and cuts he'd acquired in a decade of forging swords.

Eventually, she dozes off too, content because both her husband and her baby are fast asleep.

* * *

Emma gives birth to William David Jones as the snow softly falls outside the castle windows, and she can't help wondering if it's her mother's way of greeting the grandson she's never going to meet.

When a tear rolls down Emma's cheek, Killian wipes it away, his lips pressing against her temple as she holds their baby boy close to her chest, overwhelmed with the amount of love for this tiny human being she and Killian had created.

"He's got your eyes", Emma says, tilting her head to make sure the colour is the same, and she finds herself mesmerized with the look on her husband's face.

Killian is in awe, but it's more than that; it's like he's looking at perfection itself and he's unable to believe that it had come partly from him.

"And your nose, thank the Lord", Killian chuckles, his index finger caressing over a frown on William's forehead, then leans down to brush his lips against their son's cheek.

"And my mother's chin", Emma whispers, leaning her weary head against Killian's shoulder and holding out her arms to give him the little bundle of joy. "Can you take him for a bit? I can't keep my eyes opened anymore."

Killian hesitates for the briefest of moments, but then dutifully folds his arms so that she can hand him their baby, his eyes softening even more when William sighs and turns his face into his father's chest.

"Well done, daddy", Emma mumbles and spends a while more admiring Killian's dimpled smile and the way William smacks his lips in his sleep before the exhaustion pulls her under and she sleeps.

* * *

William is crying and there's a panicked expression on Killian's face that gradually relaxes into a look of wonder when Emma takes and feeds their son, her eyes still half-way closed.

"Breathe, Killian", she says, her lips quirking upward, but Killian doesn't mind her teasing, too focused on their baby suckling happily and eagerly reaching for him as soon as he's fed. "I see you two have bonded while I was asleep."

"We're going to have so much fun together, aren't we, laddie?" Killian murmurs and sits against the headboard cradling William in his arms, Emma's hand reaching out to hold his tiny fist. "How do you feel, my love?"

"I'm alright, don't worry", Emma tells him, infinitely thankful that all the horror stories Killian had heard about childbirth and proceeded to panic about didn't come true.

"Maybe you should sleep for a bit longer, while I give him a tour of the castle?" Killian says uncertainly and Emma shakes her head at his antics, then shifts until she's lying with her head in his lap.

"You're not going anywhere, and I've had enough sleep", she says and wraps her arms around his waist, smiling when he murmurs something about stubborn lasses.

"Do you think they can see him?" Killian murmurs and Emma pulls back and looks up at him, her hand covering his on their baby's stomach.

"I think your brother and my father are beaming with pride, and my mother is probably telling them to simmer down while covertly brushing her tears away", Emma says, hoping that she's right, and that there is something after death, because anything else would be too painful to imagine.

"I think you're right", Killian says, then shifts his attention back to their son. "You know, little love, you've a lot of people watching over you from between the stars, and if you're ever lost or afraid, all you need to do is look up and they will help you find a way back home to your mother and me."

Emma thinks that if she lives to be a hundred, she's never going to forget this day, never going to forget the look on Killian's face when he first held their son and the sweetness of his voice when he talked to him.

"You're going to be the happiest little prince in the world", Killian says and smiles when William grabs his finger and holds on. "Daddy is going to make sure of that."

"What about mommy?"

"Mommy has already made daddy the happiest man in the world", Killian tells her and leans down to give her a kiss, careful not to squish William between them.

Emma tangles her fingers in his hair and sighs, finally letting go of all the fear that's been plaguing her since the curse because she's certain that the hardships are finally over.

There's nothing but happy times ahead of them.


End file.
